PiT may be back in business. Don't hurt me please.
Tal is an abnormal teenage boy, and he spends his days watching My Little Pony and researching everything science-y. When he discovers how to make a portal to different dimensions controlled by his computer, the possibilities are endless! But when a couple of friends come along for the ride, can he keep it hidden from the press and the brony forums, or will he lose his invention to the government?
This is my first fan-fiction, so any and all suggestions, grammar checks, and anything that bugs you about this story are all taken gladly. Please don't hurt me.
EDIT: Changed both descriptions, not really hidden from family. :/
Chapters (16)
Tracking, twas ok.
Need moar! Also, I would point out a few errors, but on phone
577834
This is my first story (ever) so I would love some ideas or help.
I have spent months working on the perfect story, so far I thought this would be a cool idea.
I was amused at how much fan fiction could give you insights into science, but my story is based on actual science.
Thank you for reading so far (instead of dismissing it) and giving an honest comment.
577738
Thank you so much for the comment, I just noticed a bunch of errors. New chapter being worked on!
578921 If you want some legitimate feedback I will provide it. First, the fact that the kid is 13 bugged me. I'm sorry, and I know that this is just my own predisposition against kids, but I just dislike a character like that. Kids are hard to get any sense of depth in. Second, the science. It might have been better to avoid actual explanation of the device. Because the explanation you did give was not plausible, of course, and detracted-at least for me-from the story. Third, and final, there were several problems in the story. You mention the Hadron Collider as if there are multiples of it. As if it was a model of collider, when it is one single collider. It is THE Hadron Collider. Another thing is that you mention black holes. No particle accelerator, and there is a difference between an accelerator and a collider FYI, has ever created a black hole. If it had then the world would have been destroyed. There is no such thing as a minimal pull black hole. A black hole is not containable. We don't understand them at all. It was just the fact that a 13 year old could discover this all on the internet and all of the problems that I listed above which led me to my previous comment. Good day, sir.
579876
This IS my first fanfiction, and I recently found cool stuff on the internet. I promise my next fanfiction will be less about science fiction and more about some other explanation. I am thirteen myself, and I can't stand not being the main character of my own stories. Next story will be about an older man as well.
GOOD DAY SIR.
581634 Advice for writing in general. Eventually you will want to attain the ability to develop a character who is not yourself. If you create characters, instead of self-inserting, you will begin to develop more as a writer. You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it. I'm sure, that with practice and more stories, you can improve. Good luck, sir.
cool....i must read MOOORRREEEE
update please
577834
why its actually pretty good
1330442
Please read my later comments, I actually explained.
still good. and the main characters dad reminds me of my own
1330442
Eh, I wouldn't bump it. As I move into another year of my life I notice more and more errors in my short work of mine. I understand more and more of Captain's replies and noticed that he had helped a lot with my work and I couldn't be happier for it. Maybe my next work would be a Duke Nukem goes to Ponyville thing just in spite of him, as in a "You want manlier things? HERE YOU GO" kind of thing, but I'm not sure if I could work on research long enough for that.
Wait. How did the parents come to the conclusion of explosives?
Oh. Never mind then.
1957914 Rule number one of making a fan fiction: Don't screw up on things and make it cheesy or you'll have to make an even cheeser solution.
pretty cool. cant wait for the next chapter
No machine for you! Spark portal, yesh.
Lol, this story has some major potential.
2038241
1964066
Yay potential! You get a chapter...in progress...
1967066
WELL YOU DONT GET ONE. Unless you ask nicely.
Even after reading your post, I think I will (putting this loosely) give this story a chance...
Your thread made my interest in your work bloom! Expect me to demand later chapters, even though I haven't read a word yet.
2331176>>2331098
Wow! Thanks for giving it a shot. This is my first one, but I have been reherasing this in my head ever since I became a brony. Expect a chapter real soon, and some longer ones too!
Wow, I'm really glad I gave this a chance, so far I'm liking it!
Talster, this is really good, I think you've changed my opinion on Everyone stories! (Joking of course) But I look forward to seeing more!
579876
Well, since you mentioned it. There is the very good chance tiny black holes are created in the LHC, but due to Hawkings Radiation, they literally evaporate in short order. I've not been following the science around the LHC as closely as I used to but that part I do know. And on your other point, black holes can be contained just like anything else in sufficiently strong magnetic fields. How strong they need to be of course depends on how strong (aka 'big') the black hole is. Your guess is as good as mine on this. And on a final note about black holes, microscopic ones could be around us right now. But being so small, think on an atomic scale, they pass through us without any interaction. There could be one in the center of the Earth and we'd never know about it.
This wouldn't be the first super-genius kid tho, Jimmie Neutron comes to mind.
2331477
Glad to hear you like it! This story won't end, but instead act like a blog for my character. This is also my first story, and I was very nervous starting this.
Thanks for the input!
2331477
Well, well, well, we meet again, creator of that Skyrim crossover and Too Young to Die. I expect us to meet up soon, yes?
2337416
Why yes, but I would like to say, how the hell do we keep on meeting up in the comments section of awesome stories?
Cool :D
2339022
I'll take that as a compliment!
poor flutters
2367637
Heh. I wanted to draw her as more of an independent person, as she had lots of character development in the series. She also deals with animals, which sometimes talk, so I didn't think humans would be too much of a scare for her. Except for the tallness and lack of hair (Except armpit, head, and you know where), she wouldn't be as scared of a human instead of a stranger pony.
Like? Don't like?
2371389
ok. and yes i do like the story otherwise i wouldn't have read the first chapter when it came out
2373311
Does this mean I have a fanbase of one person now?
The next chapter will be over 2,500 words long, and include breakfast with Fluttershy and work around the cottage! It will come out today (hopefully), and I'll start work on another chapter!
Thanks for the support throughout the entire thing! I couldn't have done it without you!
2373551
1. yeah you could have
2. i dont know if you have a fan base but i do like your story thus far
still awesome. sadly (through shitty situations) im grounded and life is shit. luckily school didnt block fimfiction which is a god send. unluckily that means your notes (which i was dieing to read) are blocked by their dumbass filter. Cant wait for the next chapter
YAY i'm in this story now! XD
WHAT IS AIR. YOU MAKE ME SOUND LIKE SUCH A HILARIOUS PERSON. D:
*sits waiting for the next chapter*
2609162
I CANT WAIT EITHER FUCK YES
2609162
Your picture matches your comment...
Interesting...
2775709
To be honest, seeing that avatar lets me know I've waited to long to finish a chapter.
BTW, big emotional conflict that will let you down because I overhyped it in the next chapter
2775826
Meh, okay...
No Sleep.
2829157
Sleep is for pussies.