When Universes Collide

Star Wars289 stories ·1,560 members

Two mighty races sent to explore the same place at the same time.
what will happen when they meet?
How will they defeat the rising enemy that threatens the Galaxy?
And will they pick up some help along the way?

Chapters (3)

It begins · 10th Mar 2015 · 1,669 words
1,669
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Meeting and first encounter · 25th Aug 2015 · 1,697 words
1,697
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Who and what are you? · 16th Sep 2015 · 1,038 words
1,038
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Comments ( 13 )

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PlieRow666

PlieRow666 #1 · Apr 29th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

What kind crossover is this?

StarPony123

StarPony123 #2 · Apr 29th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

5918250 Star Wars to star trek

PlieRow666

PlieRow666 #3 · Apr 29th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

5918355 okay

Comment posted by RedShirt047 deleted Apr 29th, 2015

RedShirt047

RedShirt047 #5 · Apr 29th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

Captains Jean-Luc Picard, Benjamin Sisko, and Kathryn Janeway were receiving their new mission; To explore an uncharted part of space. All three captains had been briefed and knew their objectives. All three ships; the U.S.S Enterprise, U.S.S Defiant, and U.S.S Voyager were to travel to this unexplored part of space and find new planets that could sustain life, both inhabited and uninhabited.

This isn't possible. Voyager didn't return home until after the events of the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode What You Leave Behind. Now you could argue that Sisko came back, but the presence of Commander Data means that this is before the events of Star Trek: Nemesis.

“Sir one of the probes has stopped responding. Shall we send a scout to investigate?” asked one of the bridge officers.

Since when do Federation starships carry scouts? Why didn't they just scan the probe with their sensors? They have a massive suite of scientific instruments at their disposal since both Voyager and Enterprise are deep space explorers.

Why is it that almost none of the bridge crews on the Starfleet ships have names or physical descriptions?

I recommend reviewing proper writing techniques on any number of free sites, because the current formatting is painful to read.

The pacing is horrendous. The events in this chapter should take two to three chapters that are two to three thousand words apiece.

Comment posted by RedShirt047 deleted at 10:21pm on the 28th of April, 2015

It is inappropriate to delete comments that do not praise your work. Part of the point of comments is to impart criticism so the author can improve. I was nearly trying to inform you that attempting a triple crossover of this nature is liable to backfire.

StarPony123

StarPony123 #6 · May 13th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

5920308 Not to be rude but this is my story you make your own the way you want to make it.
but thanks foe the thoughts I will be sure to make some corrections.

YourFellowPony

YourFellowPony #7 · May 15th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

Great start pal. I would like to see this develop to be a great read.
Don't feel pressured, so take your time. I know i have plenty.

Constellation

Constellation #8 · Aug 10th, 2015 · · · It begins ·

I'm going to keep an eye on this, but you really need to work at drawing things out. This all happened really fast, and it would have been a lot better if it was slower, and spread out across like two or three chapters. However, I know since this is your first book that you will get much better as it progresses. I hope you the best of luck!

P.S. Never seen a Star Trek Star Wars crossover before. Can't wait to see this get better and better.

StarPony123