Fluttershy is sad being alone most of the time. She decides to hang around Pinkie Pie. With Pinkie she is encouraged to try new things. They become closer together when an accident occurs.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 8th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Feb 18th, 2016
KingofBronies
I write for the fun of it all. I read for the same reason. Nothing more epic then Friendship is Magic, the Kingdom of Love and Tolerance!
KingofBronies
Joined 8th Nov, 2011 ·
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Flutterprankster?
this was good :D
i laughed when the gunshots went off in the background after flutter called dr. whooves
It was pretty good, though there are a lot of grammatical mistakes. Most of them have too do with your "There, Their, and They're"s.
Remember
There- location "It's over there"
Their- possessive "Their manes are blue"
They're- short for "They Are" "They're a cute couple"
27905
I forgot to mention
"There" can also be used with a verb.
Yeah, sorry about the grammatical flaws. The friend that did the beta for my stuff quit. ^^' Im not so good with grammar, but im glad you liked it anyways :D
"Don't they just look darling together?" Rarity asked.
"Like us?" Spike smirked as he put his arm around Rarity.
lol :D that make me smile but its also a bit out of line considering rarity is about 10 yrs older than spike x-x but that was a great story
It was more like him making a move I didn't mean to imply they were together. xD
' "Wait, don't tell me! That crazed machine is running amok again. It's time I put an end to this!"
A roar could be heard over the phone as well several sounds of gunfire. The roaring stopped, a sizzling sound fallowed behind. '
...... wow.
27997 Couldn't help, but make the random joke. xD
did he really just shoot his pore and innocent refrigerator?
And why don't they know tagging Twilight's door with Spray pain its not a prank, but a crime? LOL
How in the the Wide Wide world of Equestria can a pony play rock, paper, scissors?
I feel like the ending got rushed a bit, but overall it's still a good feelgood story. Keep an eye on your grammar in though, as others have mentioned.
44483 Yes, innocent? The thing roared at him xD. Lol its an easy washable kind xD
44489 With actual rocks paper and scissors
47426 Sorry about the rush feel ^^' And grammar. Its never been my strong suit. Glad you liked it though.
hummmm this looks intriguing tracking w8 i need popcorn if im get on a readen spree
Grea story... Some reason fluttershy x pinkie seems kinda wierd... But you made it work... Needs a sequel tho...
Pinkieshy!
I enjoyed this.
927478 Glad you did! :D Thanks for the positive input!
Isn'tGummy an alligator?
965172 Yeah xD I should fix that
because of this I am reading all of her lines like starfire from now on
Wait there cars?
It was a really tough decision how to value this. I really wanted to like it, since there's not much FlutterPie out there and the first chapter seemed good. There is a nice idea behind it. Fluttershy probably does get lonely out there all by her own, even surrounded by her animal friends all day.
But there were to many points distracting and simply repulsing. First off: Editing. There are some errors here and there, some are big enough to distract the reader and disturb the flow of reading. Next would be the portrayal of the characters. Mentioning the 'twenty percent cooler'-phrase three times in a short time was a bit to excessive. I could've let Fluttershy go pranking slip if there would've been an adequate explanation. There was one, of course, but the execution could use some more effort. And Fluttershy not minding attention when a whole room full of ponies is staring at her...? That's really hard to swallow. And lastly, the pace. This is a rather short story, so it's focus should be tight. The business with the smartypants-doll, Gummys accident, especially bigotry as a merely brought up topic felt... rushed. Unnecessary and rushed.
I still think the basic idea behind it is a good one with a lot of potential and I hope I didn't discourage you.
I was wondering if you would be interested in having your story edited. I noticed sporadic spelling errors and several grammatical errors in this story while I was reading it, mostly incorrect their, there usage. I have edited stories on this site before, such as Love thy Night and Starfall, both of which were written by Kayes, so if you have any questions as to why I would be a good editor for your story, just P.M. him. That is, if you are interested in having me edit your story for you. If not, then I understand. Other than the sporadic spelling errors that I noticed in your story and the several instances of grammatical errors, the 20% cooler phrase usage was overused, as Mermerus has already pointed out, but as you are the author, you make the final judgment call on that.