Chapter 5
Pinkie Pie woke up smiling looking next to her, but nopony was there. The pink mare hopped down stairs only to see Gummy walking like normal. He was feeling noticeably much better since the he the accident. This made Pinkie happy, but she couldn't find Fluttershy anywhere. She searched everywhere around the house, but couldn't find her. Then she noticed a note with breakfast on the table in front of her. She read 'Dear Pinkie Pie, I have to go out for a while again. I'm sorry I'll be back soon as I can. I also have my weekly spa treatment with Rarity. Gummy should be doing well. Fluttershy.' The cotton candy puffed haired pony was a little sad. She missed Fluttershy. She cheered up quickly being happy for her friend having fun, so she decided to have fun too, well after she ate anyways.
"What should I do?" She wondered. "I know! I'll find Twilight!"
And so the hyper pony picked up Gummy on her back and bounced off to the library. Instead of knocking like a normal pony she somehow got into a pile of books in the lavender ponies library and bounced out scaring her. "Hi Twilight!"
The unicorn looked at her confused and slightly terrified. "H-how did you get in here?"
Pinkie giggled. "DUH! The back door silly!"
"But I don't have a back door." Twilight just facehoofed and realized it was Pinkie. "Ahhh, yes the back door...Haha. So what brings you here?"
The hyper pony bounced. "I came here to hang out, its been like such a long time since we hung out and I miss hanging out with you and the other ponies."
Spike came down holding his morning brew. "Hey Twilight, hey Pinkie Pie." He then stared at Gummy who just soullessly stared back at him.
"Morning! Of course we can hang out! I was meaning to go to see Big Macintosh today. You can tag along." The studious unicorn smiled.
"Ok! Spike can you watch Gummy?" Pinkie asked.
"Y-yes.." He responded locked in the crocodile's stare.
The two ponies walked on the way to Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie bounced and was curious. "Why are you going to see Big Macintosh, Twilight?"
"Well it's kind of a personal matter.." The unicorn said a bit shy.
"Ohhhhh! Are you two coltfriend and marefriend? You can tell me that stuff, Twilight." The pink pony bounced happily.
Twilight blushed. "W-what?! N-no nothing like that. He has my Smarty-Pants doll. I'm actually more curious about why he has it then me wanting it back."
"Ohhh! Ok, Twilight! Now you got me curious! I kinda wish I had some cupcakes though! Cupcakes go great with learning!" The random pony jumped.
"Umm..How so?" The educated mare asked.
"Well, duh! Sugar helps you learn! That's why they give away candy in school!" The cheery pony explained.
"If sugar helped learn that much, you should be the smartest pony in Equestria." Twilight giggled.
The two finally reached the farm. Applejack spotted them both walking over to them and smiling. "Howdy y'all, what brin' you to da farm?"
"Big Macintosh has my Smarty-Pants doll I was wondering why." The lavender mare explained.
"And I came to help!" The pink pony bounced.
"Oh right, that doll. I was wonderin' where he got that. He never lets go of it fer a second. I'll lead ya to him." The orange mare giggled.
The two searching mares followed her to her apple bucking big brother. Apples were just falling into his bucket as he slammed his rear hooves against the trees. Twilight's Smarty-Pants doll was on his back.
"Hey, Big Macintosh!" The farmer mare yelled.
"Eeyup." Big Mac responded.
"Heeello, Big Mac! Long time no see! I haven't seen you in like a bajillion years! Then again I haven't seen Applejack much either!" The hyperpony bounced uncontrollably.
"Don't mind her Big Macintosh. I was just wondering why you have my Smarty-Pants doll." The Unicorn asked politely.
"Well, brother I'd be lyin' too if I didn't say it caught ma curiosity a tad too." Applejack wondered.
"Oh, I plum forgot this was your doll. I just never had so much as a thing to play with when I was a young colt. I just remember before mama pasted she gave me one of these dolls to remind me of her. The thing is we lost it during a fire in the field. We put out the fire, but I lost ma doll in it. Then I found this one and it brought back the little memories I had of mama." The work colt said sadly.
Everypony else was crying a bit. It was a very sad story. Some how Pinkie had managed to give them all tissues to blow there nose with.
"I knew dat doll look familiar!" The honest pony smiled sadly.
Twilight smiled a bit still looking a bit sad. "You can keep her Big Macintosh, just take good care of her."
The red colt just smiled. "Eeyup, you can count on me!"
The two said good-bye to their work horse friends before parting ways. Twilight and Pinkie were on their way to the library. A lightning bolt struck in front of them scaring them. They looked up seeing Rainbow Dash in a black cloud laughing at them rolling on it until she fell off and hit her head on the ground. The two mares laughed.
"Oh Dashie your such a silly filly!" Pinkie smiled.
"Oh, shut it. What are you guys doing? Never seen you two hang together much." The cyan pegasus smirked.
"Pinkie just came over and wanted to hang out. We saw Big Mac and Applejack to ask about my doll."
Twilight explained.
"Ohhhh! That weirdo doll you used magic on. I remember. Well I was just passing by to deliver a message from Mr. and Mrs. Cake. They said they really need you back at the bakery, Pinkie." Rainbow said.
"Oh ok! Ill be there, but first I have to get Gummy!" the jumpy pony smiled.
The pegasus left and the others headed back to the library. Pinkie was wondering why they needed her so urgently. Especially since it was getting late. She was especially sad because she knew she wouldn't be able to see Fluttershy today. Having seen her everyday for the past few days she felt she grew a bit dependent on her company. Pinkie hoped she could see her tomorrow, she really missed her.
Gummy still had Spike in a daze never once leaving that spot all day. The pink pony picked up Gummy, saying her good-byes to Twilight and then walked back to Sugarcube Corner. When she reached it she opened the door. The room was dark like no one was their. The room didn't help with her growing gloomy mood, so she turned on a light and confetti and balloons flew everywhere. The pink pony stood in shock as she saw Fluttershy in the middle of the room smiling. There was a huge cake in the middle of the room next to her. Rarity and the Cakes were there too. Joy started bursting in the pink ponies heart when she saw everything in place. She couldn't believe her eyes so much that she stared crying tears of joy. Gummy crawled off as she hopped over and hugged Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus smiled returning the hug.
"Do you like it?" The coy pony asked blushing.
The pink pony wiped away her tears. "L-like it? I love it!"
Fluttershy smiled happily. "I'm glad you love it. It took me all day, I wanted to surprise you because you love surprises."
"Oh! Oh! Thank you sooooooooo much, Fluttershy! Your the best friend a mare can ask for!" The pink pony bounced. Fluttershy blushed a bit filled with joy to have made her friend so happy.
The rest of there friends showed up including Big Mac who Applejack insisted on coming to relax from apple bucking. The party was great everyone seemed to be having fun. Fluttershy walked over to Pinkie and smiled.
"Umm.. Pinkie, I want to tell you something..but its really hard to say because I'm shy." The coy pony blushed.
Pinkie smiled. "Ok! I got something to tell you too! How about on the count of three we both scream it at the same time!"
"O-ok.." the yellow pegasus sighed in relief.
The two mares counted to three and then screamed. "I think I'm in love with you!" "You do?"
The friends crowded around them listening some in shock some not. All that matter was that they all were interested in what was going on. This normally would have made Fluttershy nervous, but she wasn't paying any attention except on Pinkie.
"Y-yes, I do. Y-you have always been there for me making me happy and making me laugh. You're so silly and I love to listen to it all. You're always the pony that can brighten any day. I-in the past few days you've made me feel more special then anypony in Equestria." The shy pony turned red as she confessed her feelings.
The red on the pink ponies face was also notable, but she smiled brightly. "I love you, Fluttershy. You make me so happy to be around. Your always so shy and kind to everypony so much that I just want to protect you from meanies that would try to take advantage of you. I've missed you like a whole bunch all day and I was super happy to finally see you!" Pinkies pulls Fluttershy into an embrace and kisses her slowly. She then broke the kiss and smiled at her.
"That's my mare!" Rainbow yelled enthusiastically.
"Well I'll be, they did it." Applejack smiled.
"Eeyup!" Big Mac added.
"Wow, didn't see this coming." the purple unicorn smiled.
"Don't they just look darling together?" Rarity asked.
"Like us?" Spike smirked as he put his arm around Rarity.
The Cakes cheered for them. The new found couple spent the night with there friends. Enjoying every bit of the time they spent playing games. The Cakes let Fluttershy stay the night as the animals were well taken care of. The two mares went to Pinkie Pie's room and snuggled together in bed.
"I-I love you, Pinkie Pie." Fluttershy smiled.
"I love you too, Fluttershy." Pinkie Pie smiled back.
The two went to sleep wondering what tales would begin now that there love was now born between them. A world of wonder waited for them both filled with a bright future filled with happiness.
~End~
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It was pretty good, though there are a lot of grammatical mistakes. Most of them have too do with your "There, Their, and They're"s.
Remember
There- location "It's over there"
Their- possessive "Their manes are blue"
They're- short for "They Are" "They're a cute couple"
27905
I forgot to mention
"There" can also be used with a verb.
Yeah, sorry about the grammatical flaws. The friend that did the beta for my stuff quit. ^^' Im not so good with grammar, but im glad you liked it anyways :D
"Don't they just look darling together?" Rarity asked.
"Like us?" Spike smirked as he put his arm around Rarity.
lol :D that make me smile but its also a bit out of line considering rarity is about 10 yrs older than spike x-x but that was a great story
It was more like him making a move I didn't mean to imply they were together. xD
27997 Couldn't help, but make the random joke. xD
I feel like the ending got rushed a bit, but overall it's still a good feelgood story. Keep an eye on your grammar in though, as others have mentioned.
44483 Yes, innocent? The thing roared at him xD. Lol its an easy washable kind xD
44489 With actual rocks paper and scissors
47426 Sorry about the rush feel ^^' And grammar. Its never been my strong suit. Glad you liked it though.
hummmm this looks intriguing tracking w8 i need popcorn if im get on a readen spree
Grea story... Some reason fluttershy x pinkie seems kinda wierd... But you made it work... Needs a sequel tho...
Pinkieshy!
I enjoyed this.
927478 Glad you did! :D Thanks for the positive input!
965172 Yeah xD I should fix that
It was a really tough decision how to value this. I really wanted to like it, since there's not much FlutterPie out there and the first chapter seemed good. There is a nice idea behind it. Fluttershy probably does get lonely out there all by her own, even surrounded by her animal friends all day.
But there were to many points distracting and simply repulsing. First off: Editing. There are some errors here and there, some are big enough to distract the reader and disturb the flow of reading. Next would be the portrayal of the characters. Mentioning the 'twenty percent cooler'-phrase three times in a short time was a bit to excessive. I could've let Fluttershy go pranking slip if there would've been an adequate explanation. There was one, of course, but the execution could use some more effort. And Fluttershy not minding attention when a whole room full of ponies is staring at her...? That's really hard to swallow. And lastly, the pace. This is a rather short story, so it's focus should be tight. The business with the smartypants-doll, Gummys accident, especially bigotry as a merely brought up topic felt... rushed. Unnecessary and rushed.
I still think the basic idea behind it is a good one with a lot of potential and I hope I didn't discourage you.
I was wondering if you would be interested in having your story edited. I noticed sporadic spelling errors and several grammatical errors in this story while I was reading it, mostly incorrect their, there usage. I have edited stories on this site before, such as Love thy Night and Starfall, both of which were written by Kayes, so if you have any questions as to why I would be a good editor for your story, just P.M. him. That is, if you are interested in having me edit your story for you. If not, then I understand. Other than the sporadic spelling errors that I noticed in your story and the several instances of grammatical errors, the 20% cooler phrase usage was overused, as Mermerus has already pointed out, but as you are the author, you make the final judgment call on that.