Diamond Tiara Gets High

by Phenoix12

...also Silver Spoon is there

Diamond quickly closed her bedroom door behind her and made her way to her bed. There upon she placed her prize. This item wasn’t easy to get; she had to sneak into daddy’s office down the hall and grab it from his desk drawer. At one point she feared that her father was about to walk in on her as she searched for it but she lucked out and as soon as she got the item she skulked back to her room unseen.

Now looking down at the small unassuming item… a pipe. One of her father’s several cheap disposable clay pipes he kept for when he traveled so he didn’t need to bring his nice expensive feather wood pipe. But Diamond didn’t care about that. She had her prize and now set to the next stage of her plan.

She pulled out from under her bed a small paper bag. This bag was kept hidden so nopony would find it and nopony would know what she was about to try. She opened the bag. Inside was a mixture of grass clippings, ragweed, dandelions, and other such stuff that she had personally collected from the lawn.

She had always heard of ‘smoking weed’ but now was the time she was going to try it. Now was the time she would find out why so many ponies seemed to like doing this. She carefully loaded a small bit of her weeds into the pipe and took a match and lit it.

Upon the first puff the effect was instantaneous. Diamond descended into a fit of coughing and gagging due to the horribleness of what she had just experienced. It felt like she had just inhaled a bunch of random weeds from the lawn that were lit on fire for some odd rea- oh wait, that’s exactly what happened.

“This is absolutely HORRIBLE!” Diamond yelled, “Why would anypony even do this!?” She couldn’t believe what a letdown the ‘weed’ was. She had even invited Silver Spoon over so she could try it also. She’ll be so disappointed that it wasn’t at all like what the movies made it out to be.

Speaking of Silver Spoon, there came a knock on Diamond's door. It was Silver; the butler had let her in as usual and she came right up to Diamond's room. Diamond let her in and soon they were both sitting on the bed.

“Sooooo~” Silver began. “Where’s the weed?” she said, looking around the room, soon stopping at the paper bag near the edge of the bed with the pipe next to it. “Awww, did you start without me?”

Silver opened the bag and--- “Diamond, why is this bag, like, full of lawn clippings.” ---oh sure just cut me off mid… whatever. I’ll just let these two talk it’s not like you need me to explain everything.

“Ummm… because they’re weeds?”

“…you do know that ‘weed’ doesn’t mean just, like, any random weed from the yard right?”

“…it doesn’t? But why do they call it ‘weed’ then? I just thought they smoked a bunch of random junk from the garden or something.”

“No, weed is like, city zebra slang or something…”

“City zebra slang?”

“Yah you know like,” Silver started… before going into the most racially insensitive impersonation of a zebra ever. “Like yo where’s my zebras at up in this street! I wanna smoke some of that weed.”

“That’s racist! And it didn’t even rhyme.”

“Not the point. Luckily I brought a bag of real weed!” Silver said with a smile as she pull a little paper baggy out of her saddlebags and dropped it onto the bed.

“Real weed? Where did you find that?!”

“Zebras.”

“Really?”

“Yah, behind Zebra Print’s photo shop, there’s some donkey selling it,” Silver said matter-of-factly, before opening the little baggy and exposing the bright green cannabis leaves to the world.

“Oh, so that’s what they look like,” Diamond said while looking down at the product… Did you know that cannabis has many applications other than a recre-- “So do we just smoke it and we feel good?” …fuck you Diamond Tiara…

“Yah, but I think we can also just eat it.”

“Oh, well that sounds easier.”

With much carefulness the two fillies divvy up the licit leaves into equal piles before unceremoniously putting them all into their mouths at once…

“Ihf thafs ‘unny,” Diamond said with her mouth full of greenery, to which Silver just replied with a shrug. After a few moments of chewing they both swallow down their special meal.

“Hay Silver? How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?”

“I don’t know a few minutes maybe… I’m kinda feeling, like, something already.”

…a few minutes tick by…

“Whoa… everything feels weird…” Diamond said while looking around the room. “Like… everything feels like air or something.”

“Yah… I feel like, like, I could fly,” said Sil- did she just use ‘like’ twice?

“Wow look at my hooves!” Diamond suddenly shouts out. “They look like… hooves! They’re so cute and hoofy!” she finishes with a giggle before breaking into laughter which Silver joined in earnest.

“OH Diamond! Have you felt my fur? It’s so soft… like a cat,” Silver says… while apparently petting her own tummy which Diamond joins in doing…

“Wow it’s soft… I could pet you forever… and ever… and ever… is time slowing down?” Yah I wonder this story just feels like it’s droning on now. “Story?” Yah I… wait…

“Diamond check out that monkey thing in the corner!” Silv- Oh shit they can see me?

“Oh wow… what is it?”

“So you can see it too? Wow we must be, like, sharing a dream or something!” ...you can’t be dreaming because you’re not asleep.

“Dude it’s talking!” that was Diamond by the way if you care about who’s ever talking right now.

“It’s like a talking monkey thing with no hair!”

“I like it's little outfit! Its cute.” …um well thank you Diamond I- “Do a dance!” –what! I’m not going to dance for you.

“Hay talking monkey, do a trick!” Silver I’m not going to-

“Take off your shirt!” You know what?! I don’t have to take this, I’m leaving. Let’s see you have a story without a narrator!

…

“Awwww… Monkey thing is gone.”

…

…

…

…

…

“Hay Dia?”

“Yah Sil?”

“Wanna make out?”

Author's Note:

I just felt like writing something dumb. Don't judge me!

Comments

[peachesaqua222]

Uh... Ok then....

[New Dawn]

... Dafuq?

[Phenoix12]

5614657
5614622
Well I succeed in what I set out to do.
Your confusion gives me strength!

[peachesaqua222]

5614715 Sounds good to me!

[Mystic Deadman]

The segment before Silver Spoon's introduction got me more than everything after that.
Take a thumb, but I'm afraid that's all I can give.

[Blonde Blue Eyes]

Just one error I noticed. Cheep should be cheap.

[Phenoix12]

5614741

Meh, I actually wrote the first part of this story about a month ago then came back and finished it off so I can actually see that the first part is much better then the rest... though the way the story ends is pretty much how I wanted it.
I wrote this story just to be stupid as hell and when I came back to finish it I just descended into writing madness... lovely, lovely madness.

[New Dawn]

5614715 ...

img.pandawhale.com/post-8678-Free-ice-cream-Seems-legit-NMx7.jpeg

[Shrekowski]

I demand another story regarding this. Like you could turn it into a series. So like "Rainbow gets high. Pinkie gets high (Must read) Ect

[Phenoix12]

5614840
Pinkie Pie getting high? ARE YOU INSANE!?

...I was going to let this be a one-shot but... now that you've said that the story-creation zone of my brain just started to churn out ideas. Damn you FortherpublicTwoTwo!

[heartbrokenpariah]

I'm sorry to say that I just couldn't get into this. What a shame too it had an amusing premise.

[SpookyPrincesssa]

Oh hell yes.

*Puts story in folder to read later even though it says I won't but I promise I will*

I have been waiting so long for this fic

[Phenoix12]

5614945

Well now I'm worried I'm going to disappoint you with this story... Hope you enjoy!

[Biker_Dash]

1st paragraph... not bad. 2nd paragraph... still not bad.

3rd paragraph... BWA-HAA-HAA-HAAA!!!

[Shrekowski]

5614875 Pinkie pie getting high = a Unbelievable fourth wall break XD

[FrostTheWolf]

Dear lord, this is hilarious

Especially the ending

[PinkieLunaShy]

This needs a "Gets high" series.

EVERYPONY NEEDS SOME WEED! GIVE THEM ALL WEED!!

[Abydos]

5615338 Wow, advertising your story on someone else's? That's fucking low.

[Ksfn]

Ha! This story was ridiculous. Loved every word of it awesome job. Keep it up!

[DH7]

They seem like they're on LSD, rather than marijuana. You also wouldn't get very high just eating it straight out of the bag.

[derpydad]

you don't get that high from eating it

[Mad Maudlin]

5615750

Indeed. The THC is released/activated by temperature. Eating it is wasting good weed, unless you make weed butter.

For all your brownie needs, hooyah!

[RustyKat]

[RustyKat]

5615346 what a grand idea!

[Phenoix12]

5617262
5615750
5615574

It was really good magic weed I guess.
Also are you arguing on how said illicit plant would effect magical talking pony foal?
Also also I really don't care that much.

[Phenoix12]

Just noticed that I forgot to mark this as complete... oops.

[DH7]

5619216

Also also I really don't care that much.

I don't write stories that I don't care about much, and I sure as hell don't market them. That's never a good response to criticism.

I at least thought it was funny that Diamond Tiara was trying to smoke dandelions.

[Bread and Toast]

You're supposed to smoke it, not eat it... But anyways!

media.giphy.com/media/CmjjuirIo0psk/giphy.gif

[Phenoix12]

5619564

Oh no, you misunderstand.
I do care about this story! I just don't care about the nuances of the science of consumption of drugs and the effect they have on the level of high. Seriously... I wrote this story for funzies and I just don't care if the depiction of the consumption/effect of the plant is incorrect. (There's a reason there is a random tag on this story) And really what they're saying isn't really criticisms and just pointing out my scientific inaccuracies which at the time of me writing it I knew were probably off anyway.
If they were actually criticizing me on my work I would have responded in a much different way (depending on the type of criticism being given)

[DH7]

5619992

I can't really agree with neglecting research, just because I don't care about that aspect of the story. It's no different than if I were to neglect grammar, and then say to a reader that it wasn't meant to be serious, and that I felt that other aspects of the story were more important. I may feel that way, but it's not going to fly with my readers.

I'm getting to where I'm criticizing your views on responding to criticism, rather than the actual story, so this is where I'm going to have to just respectfully agree to disagree.

[Mad Maudlin]

5619216

It's important to keep your facts straight when dealing with these things. Otherwise, idiots can get hurt. Now, I'm fine with idiots bringing things on themselves, but I felt an odd pang of social... whats that 'r' word people keep talking about?

Also, it's completely licit where I live.

[Phenoix12]

5620726

whats that 'r' word people keep talking about?

Ricotta? Revolution? Reverence? Revenge? Racoon? ...umm... Responsibility?

[DH7]

5689281

Well fuck, I concede. My apologies.

[DH7]

5690096

Well, if one's going to criticize a story for a lack of research, they better damn well have their facts straight.

[Phenoix12]

5690154

Well at the very least I'm not as wrong as people thought I was. So there's that~

Though I do hope you enjoined the story despite the inaccuracies in the depiction on how weed works.

[Mad Maudlin]

5689281

THC is heat activated. If you've eaten it, then you've had pot that's been processed with butter and baked into something. If you just ate the herb, then congratulations. You discovered the placebo effect.

[Titanium Blade]

Just... what?

[Nikkori]

My mouth just opened and closed like, like, twelve times.

[Commander Jenna Cipher]

[Phenoix12]

6185877
Darn! I was aiming for thirteen.

6730956
derpicdn.net/img/2015/10/4/994252/full.png
View on Derpibooru - Original source

[ServingSpoon]

Nice work, Monkey Thing

[Andy Ray]

It felt like she had just inhaled a bunch of random weeds from the lawn that were lit on fire for some odd rea- oh wait, that’s exactly what happened.

!