The Elegance of Morons

by FrontSevens

Epilogue

“Princess?”

The word bounced around Luna’s head, just a sound in the black fuzziness of her mind. She tried to place that word, what that word meant, or if that even was a word.

Then she felt pain. A deep throbbing in her head, like her head was wrapping tighter around her brain. She squirmed, trying to bring her arms up to block out the pain. It certainly wasn’t helping her figure out what that word was.

Her vision came. On her left was a big sheet of black, and on her right a big sheet of grey. Both were very blurry, but they were slowly coming into focus, as was a white blob standing out against the grey.

Oh, right, ‘princess’! She was one of those.

“Yes?” she tried to say. The white blob moved. She eventually recognized it as pony-shaped, and she could make out blue eyes and a blue mane. Mild Vigil, she realized, without his armour. She smiled. “Hi Mild.”

Mild smiled back. “You all right, Princess?”

Luna found herself nodding. The pain in her head hadn’t gone away, but she was more than happy to see a friendly face. “I keep telling you, you can call me Luna.”

“Right, sorry,” he said, helping her up.

Luna could see now, and though she was a bit light-headed, she was pretty much awake. She looked around. The grey sheet turned out to be a large rocky landscape, and the black sheet was… the night sky, peppered with way more stars than she’d ever seen before.

Then her memory came back, and the hurtling through the air with strong wind and confusion and having no control over her body and then calmness. She had looked at her hooves, a stark blackness in the background. And she had looked behind her, and there was a giant, blue and green wall, which she realized was the Earth, and then she had turned around and coming at her much faster than she expected was—

“The moon,” Luna said aloud. “We’re on the moon.” She couldn’t quite believe her own words. She looked to Mild Vigil.

He nodded. He looked down at his hooves, then lifted up a few sparkly blue shoes. “You lost these,” he said.

She accepted the shoes. Part of her Royal Regalia, she realized. She looked back at Mild Vigil. “We’re on the moon.”

Mild Vigil looked down again. “Yes, Princess. I’m sorry—”

“Isn’t this the coolest?” Luna said with a wide smile. “We’re on the moon! We’re actually on the moon! We can explore the moon now. I mean, how many ponies have been up here before? We’re probably the first. This is awesome!”

“I suppose so. Maybe,” he said, watching her jump up and down. Then she jumped up and gave him a hug.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Mild,” she said, nuzzling against his neck.

Mild returned the hug. “As am I, and I’m glad you’re okay.” He backed away from the hug, then pointed with his hoof. “Here comes Keener with your crown, by the way.”

Another guard walked up to them. This guard had orange fur with a curly yellow mane, and in his hooves he held Luna’s little dark blue crown.

“Princess Luna,” Mild Vigil said, then cleared his throat. “Er, Luna, this is Keen Motley.”

Keen Motley stooped in a grand bow. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, your highness.” He offered the crown to her, his head still bowed.

Luna accepted the crown, smiling. “Thanks, but you can call me Luna, and you don’t have to do all the bowing and stuff.”

“Oh, cool,” Keen said, straightening back up and shaking her hoof. “You can call me Keener. You don’t have to bow to me either.”

“Okay,” Luna said, chuckling.

They stood around for a minute, taking in their surroundings. The moon was pretty bare. Plain, grey rock stretched out in every direction. They had all taken in the moon before, staring up at the night sky in awe, and wondered just what it’d be like on the surface. Luna was excited to find out. Keener was expecting more cheese, as well as magical spirits or genies or slumbering mythical beasts. He also had a running theory that the moon was the fabled Tartarus. Perhaps that was on the other side of the moon, or even the inside of it.

Mild Vigil was surprised that it was habitable. “Well, it’s not as cold as I was expecting.”

“Yeah,” Keener said. He jabbed Mild in the shoulder. “You might even say it’s mild weather.”

Mild smirked. “Lay off, Keener.”

Luna smiled, then looked up at the Earth. Her magic was good now, but she didn’t think she’d be able to get them all back to Earth at the moment. It wasn’t nice of Celestia to send her hurtling up here like that, nor the other two guards. Hopefully, Discord could give her a talking-to, and he and Celestia could get them down from here eventually.

However, she knew might never again get the opportunity to be on the moon, and she might as well enjoy her time up here. “Wanna go see what the moon is like?” she asked the guards.

Mild Vigil watched as the sun crept behind the moon in the distance. “I think it might be about time to sleep. It’s going to get dark soon.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Fine. But tomorrow, we’re going to explore.”

Looking around at the three-pony committee, Keener raised his hoof in the air. “I second this notion.”

“Right.” Mild smiled.

~ ~ ~

Celestia sat on her throne. Though, it was more leaning than sitting.

She’d been up most of the night, researching all sorts of ways to get Luna back from the moon. She only looked through one book so far—Star Swirl’s journal—and the only viable option seemed to be teleportation. She couldn’t teleport herself, because the journal told her it’d be too far. Nor could she teleport Luna because she couldn’t see her from this distance. That was as far as she got through her bouts of sleeping and jolting awake.

Of course, there was no real hurry to get Luna back. She could fend for herself. Celestia just needed to figure out a way to get her back, just in case her parents returned or Discord un-petrified himself or something.

In the meantime, she needed a plan for if she couldn’t get Luna back on Earth. She had had an idea, and it involved rehiring her scribe. As soon as the guards served her breakfast (which was cake and wine at her request), she asked one of them to fetch the old scribe from the village and offer her her position back, with potentially more than double the wages.

The doors to the Royal Throne Room swung open, and Clover was escorted inside. She shrunk under her cloak, having never been in this room before. And there, at the other end of the room, was her old boss, Princess Celestia. The guards had advised Clover that the princess was very tired this morning and quite cranky.

“Scribe,” Celestia boomed.

Clover jumped. She wished her minty green hair was longer so she could hide behind it. She stood still, calling out from the other side of the room, “Yes, your highness?”

“Come closer,” Celestia said in her Royal Voice, which was strained and a tad raspy by now. She turned and ordered a guard to fetch her a glass of water.

Clover obeyed, shuffling closer to the princess. She stopped when she was a few pony lengths away and sat down.

“Good,” Celestia said. “I don’t have to yell now.” She licked her lips, her mind fuzzy and as tired as her body. “I have heard that you like books. Is this correct?”

Clover nodded.

“Have you ever written a book?”

Clover shook her head.

Celestia stroked her chin. “Well, what kinds of books do you read?”

“Oh, all kinds. Books on ancient history, books on magic and spell casting, tales of romance, epic adventures—”

“So, like, fiction?”

“Yes.”

“And history too, right?”

“Right.”

“Pull out a scroll.”

Ready for such an occasion, Clover whipped out a scroll and quill from her cloak pockets. She watched Celestia carefully, waiting for further instructions.

The guard returned with Celestia’s glass of water. She grabbed it from him, downed the glass, then gave it back. She wiped her mouth. “I need you to write a contract. That you won’t repeat anything that I share in confidence with you, and that you’ll help me write a book. And if you do, you’ll be rewarded with lots of riches and fame and stuff.”

Clover raised her eyebrows. The prospect of fame and riches was all right, and writing her first book would be spectacular, but she had some doubts about working for Celestia. She seemed… unstable. But, as long as she was paid for her work, she could do it. It certainly beat being unemployed and homeless.

Clover read the contract aloud as she wrote it. “ ‘I, Clover, won’t repeat anything that Princess Celestia shares in confidence with me.’ ”

Celestia gestured for her to go on.

“ ‘I will help Princess Celestia write a book. I will then be rewarded with “lots of riches and fame and stuff”.’ ”

“Good,” Celestia said. “Sign it.”

Clover signed it.

Celestia blinked, realizing it might not be a good idea to leave a paper trail for this sort of thing. “Now, uh, tear that up.”

Clover raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

“No, wait!” There was nothing to hold Clover to the contract if it didn’t exist. Celestia pursed her lips. “Here, I’ll just keep it.” She grabbed the contract in her magic and set it down beside her. She’d just have to remember to hide that forever.

“So,” Clover said. “I’m writing a book.”

“Yes. Several, if that’s what it takes.” Celestia scanned the room again to make sure they were completely alone together. “So I accidentally sealed King Sombra in the Earth, petrified Discord, and sent Luna to the moon. Just in case I can’t fix those things, we’re going to make up a different story and call it history. You’re going to help me make it believable and stuff.”

Clover’s eyebrows raised higher than she thought possible. “What?”

“Oh, and if you tell anyone the truth, I’ll call treason on you and have you executed.”

Nope, they could go higher. “What?”

“Hey, you signed the thing,” Celestia said, holding up the contract. “Now, uh, I think the first chapter should start with Luna turning super evil, and, like, she did those other things I mentioned, and I banished her to the moon to punish her. What do you think?”

Clover couldn’t think. Luna, sent to the moon? Why? How? It wouldn’t be permanent, would it?
Then again, why else would Celestia jump to rewriting history so fast? Why did she think that was ethical, or even plausible?

Celestia rubbed her eyes. “You look really puzzled, and I’ll answer any questions or whatever later, but for now, could we just get something written down? I’m really tired.”

Clover’s eyes were glued to the contract on the ground next to Celestia. As much as she wanted to protest, to plead that Celestia forget worrying about rewriting history and just bring Luna back, she would’ve rather not risked execution. She took a deep breath in, let it out, then closed her eyes. Hanging her head, she touched the quill to the scroll. “ ‘Chapter 1’,” she said aloud as she wrote.

Author's Note:

Thanks to NotSoSubtle for prereading.

Comments

[DoContra]

Well... I didn't see this ending coming 10/10, would fave and like if I hadn't done so already
I'm guessing the meeting between Celestia and "Nigthmare Moon" during the summer sun celebration didn't go quite the way we imagine, and it involved a quick history lesson?

[FrontSevens]

6325732 Glad to hear you enjoyed it :D

And yes, you'd be guessing correctly. My headcanon is that during the canon episode, there are some things between Luna & Celestia happening offscreen, which might involve a "don't tell anyone what really happened, or else" sort of chat :P

[DoContra]

6325771 I would also add an "Now be a good little filly and wait home until I call you, big sister needs to take care of some business to Tartarus with my students and their uncanny ability to find that me-forsaken predictions and prophecies book"

[FanOfMostEverything]

An entertaining tale, but it doesn't quite mesh. Still fun, but all of the characters fit the mold of the official history too well, to say nothing of Twilight actually making the Elements of Harmony work. Speaking of whom, I have to wonder whether or not Celestia plotted her ascension so she could foist off as much as possible to the new princess. (However, I'm not sure if this particular Celestia has the capacity for such a cunning plan.)

Still, a fun read.

[Pickleless]

Wow, this really is Celestia ruined everything: the fanfic.