The Elegance of Morons

by FrontSevens

Chapter 2: Curiosity

The Royal Throne Room was positively grand. Celestia would know—she’d been sitting there for an hour now.

It was large and spacious, and amplified her Royal Voice. Two large stained-glass windows on the west and east sides flooded the room with colour and light. Stretching all the way from her throne to the grand doors at the other side of the room, there were three thick, red Royal Rugs—one down the centre and two in parallel on either side. Steps led up to her throne, and her throne was slightly elevated, making her the tallest thing in the room, besides the ceiling.

This felt so right to Celestia. Her and her throne; practically a match made in heaven, as well as technically. Also literally. Maybe hypothetically as well. Celestia still had yet to look up those words. That would mean opening her suitcase full of books, much less reading them, which she didn’t feel all that motivated to do.

As right as it felt though, there was something missing, and it had lingered in Celestia’s mind since she had arrived. “What is taking them so long with that crown?” Celestia wondered aloud.

“It’s here, your highness,” said a guard.

Celestia jumped, noticing a guard about twenty feet to her right. “Oh, you startled—I mean, oh, thou hast startled Us, subordinate guard. Pray tell, why did thee sneak up on Us like that?”

“I didn’t mean to, your highness,” the guard said, coming forward. “I saw you, uh, just sitting there and sighing since fifteen minutes ago, and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Embarrassed, Celestia blushed and looked away. “Uh, well, please forewarn Us next time, subordinate guard.” She breathed out to clear her mind. “Anyway, hast thou brought Us the Royal Crown?”

“Yes, your highness.” He presented a gold-covered piece of metal.

Celestia picked it up with her magic and inspected it. There were tiny dents and bumps in it, and it wasn’t perfectly symmetric. Celestia frowned. “Is this the best you could do?”

“This has been the crown for decades, your highness,” he lied.

Well, if this was the Royal Crown, then she had to wear it, no doubt about it. “Very well, then, subordinate guard. Thou art dismissed,” Celestia said, floating the crown up to her head and settling it there. The guard nodded and trotted away, off to tell his guard friends that she fell for it and laugh and probably play poker with them afterwards.

The crown fit perfectly on Celestia’s head. Not only was it comfortable, as the bottom had been rounded off, but now balance had been restored to Celestia’s universe. The crown had been the missing piece. She smiled and settled into her throne, closing her eyes. She could sit there forever, just as she was. Everything was right with the world.

“Tia?” said Luna.

Everything was almost right. Celestia exhaled and opened her eyes to see Luna with three feathers sticking out of her mouth. “It’s nearing bed time, Luna,” Celestia said. “Did you find a suitable bedroom?”

Luna spit out the feathers. “Yeah, but Tia, I want to show you something.”

“It can wait for tomorrow, sister,” Celestia said, pointing to one of the giant windows at the side of the room. The soft yellow beams from the sun split into brilliant multicolour from the stained glass. “I have to set the sun soon.”

“And I want to show you I’m ready to raise the moon,” Luna said.

Celestia rubbed her face, then got up and started heading down the steps from her throne. “We’ve been over this. You’re not ready to raise the moon yet.”

“But Tia—”

“No, Luna. Here.” Celestia activated her telekinesis, floating her crown from the top of her head gently down onto the carpet. “Levitate this.”

Luna stared at it and swallowed. She didn’t want to try it on the crown just yet, in front of her sister like this. “Uh.”

“If you can’t levitate that, surely you can’t levitate the moon,” Celestia said, raising an eyebrow.

An excuse popped into Luna’s head. “I have to save all my magic for the moon, though.”

“You can’t do it,” Celestia said, sighing as she floated the crown back up onto her head. “That’s why there’s only one Royal Crown. This is my responsibility. Mom and Dad said so.” Celestia brushed past Luna. “Go to bed.”

“Why do you have to be so mean? I just wanna try.” Luna sat down, asserting her refusal to go to bed.

Celestia’s brow creased. She was getting tired of Luna’s attitude. “Go to bed, Loony.”

Luna’s face reddened. “Don’t call me that!”

“Go to bed or I’m taking away your precious spell book!” That’d stop her. Her nose was always buried in that thing.

It worked. Luna stomped a hoof and grumbled, but she turned and stormed away to her bedroom. Frustrated, Celestia did a slow count to ten to calm herself down. Her sister tended to get on her nerves at times.

Composing herself, she continued on to the front balcony of the castle. It was only a short walk and a flight of stairs from the Royal Throne Room.

The balcony was a large semicircle, and high enough to give an incredible, almost full view of everything around her. From here, she could clearly see the northern reaches of her kingdom: the far-reaching woodlands to the west, the staunch mountains to the north, and the boring plains to the east. The sun sat low on the horizon, waiting to be set, casting soft and bright rays across the treetops.

A distinct patch of bricks lay in the middle of the balcony. White and black marble was inlaid into a pattern, a circle that depicted the sun and the moon chasing each other. The pattern was three ponies long in diameter, with a spot in the middle sanded to be shiny and smooth, almost iridescent.

There was no question about it—she had to be standing in the proper place. She walked up to the marble and set her hooves on the smooth stone surface. This must have been the Royal Sun-Raising Patch of Shiny Stones, naturally. She shuffled onto the patch, careful not to scratch the surface.

Celestia spied the sun in the distance, and let a quick breath in and out. She was ready. Assuming the proper sun-raising stance, she straightened up and lit her horn, bridging the gap between her and the sun with her magic. Her magic enveloped the sun, from the top and all the way down the sides to the bottom. The sun was now in her possession, under her command. This was her sun, and it would do whatever she told it to do.

After finding her grip on her magic envelope, she pushed it down with her magic. It didn’t budge an inch.

Celestia furrowed her eyebrows. This was not supposed to be hard. She could levitate anything—clouds, boulders, lakes, giant air masses, all that. This should’ve been easy, but it wasn’t. She was ready for this. Not only did her parents think so, but she knew it in her gut. She was born to do this. She was born to raise the sun.

She pushed again, harder this time. Still nothing. One more time, she thought. Winding up her magic, she heaved down on top of it with what felt like a body slam. There. One inch.

No more playing around. She channeled as much energy as she could into her horn, making it spark and sputter. This sun was going to set by her doing. She heaved downward, and the sun traveled down ever so slowly. She maintained this speed, straining and sweating. Slow and steady was better than nothing.

The sun touched the horizon, then crawled behind it, no longer visible from where Celestia stood. Her legs shaking and her horn searing in pain, Celestia kept pushing until the sun was completely below and the night was on the tail end of dusk. The sun fully lowered, Celestia released her magical grip and sat down.

That was hard. Way harder than she had expected it to be. Rubbing her aching horn, she looked up at her night sky, the stars beginning to awaken and twinkle. She had a sun on her flank, for pony’s sakes. She had practically and literally been born ready for this, and yet she wasn’t.

She lowered her head onto her forehooves, tired and a little glum. Something on her head dug a little into her ears. Her crown, she realized. She reached up and brought it down. She turned it over in her hooves, its luster still visible in the low light of dusk.

She could rule a kingdom, couldn’t she? Her parents thought so. She herself certainly thought so. But already, ruling wasn’t quite as glamorous or fun as she thought it would be. She looked down at the horizon, where she had dragged down the sun. Going through all that every single night would be a challenge. She wasn’t sure if she could keep doing this forever.

She slumped to the ground, laying on her back and staring at the stars. Then she groaned in agony.

She had to raise the moon, too.

~ ~ ~

Luna didn’t mind breakfast. In fact, she quite enjoyed it. It was a highly sophisticated meal of scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice. The cook had previously been fired, and since he comprised the entirety of the kitchen staff, one of the guards had to fill the position. Luna didn’t know nor care. The food tasted good, so she felt no urge to complain.

However, Celestia was disappointed. For such a fine and regal castle, the least they could’ve done was garnish the eggs or offered more jams than just strawberry or compliment the eggs with a fine wine, mostly because she wanted to see what wine tasted like. As it was, it would have to do for now.

The sisters sat in silence as they ate on opposite ends of the Royal Dining Table. The table was fifty feet long, made of giant slabs of swirly marble. Marble, Celestia noted, seemed to be the precious stone of choice here at this castle, and she didn’t mind much at all. Both sisters chose to sit on opposite ends of this table, as far away from each other as possible.

Luna was frustrated that Celestia wouldn’t let her raise the moon. Celestia was embarrassed that she had such trouble raising the sun that morning, and that she may not be ready to rule a kingdom all by herself. They were too far away to read each other’s emotions, however. All they heard was the silence, and each feared invoking an adverse response from the other, so the silence lingered.

Luna stared at the table, wondering just how many members of royalty used to sit here. She was a little shaky on history, even recent Equestrian history. Star Swirl used to rule here at some point until she no longer saw him anymore. He didn’t have any family, though, so she wondered who he may have invited to dinner—perhaps ponies from other cities, like the mayors, or even ponies from other countries. She’d have to start looking all those up later.

The sharp, reverberating clip-clop of hooves interrupted her thoughts. A guard trotted up to Celestia’s side of the table, bowed, and spoke to her. Although she strained to, Luna could not hear from this distance. Celestia used her magic to wipe her mouth with a napkin and got up from the table. Luna swigged the last of her orange juice as the guard approached her.

This guard acted as the messenger, and although he was only required to relay important announcements to ruling parties, he thought he’d tell Luna as well to be nice, as some of the guards had taken a liking to her. He walked up to her and bowed. “M’lady, you and your sister have a visitor. Discord has arrived.”

“Oh!” Luna wiped her napkin across her mouth and ran off to the foyer. Forget saving effort or physical energy or whatever—Discord was here.

Turning a corner, she spotted him immediately at the door. “Discord!”

The draconequus stood three times the height of Celestia. He had the head of a pony, but all the rest of his body parts were from other animals—deer, bat, lion, eagle, goat, and a tail that could be from a snake or a dragon or something, it was hard to tell. Luna didn’t care—he was the best deer-bat-lion-goat-snake-something ever. She jumped up to hug him. “Hi, Discord!”

“Hello, girls!” Discord returned her hug. He then stretched his back and set his suitcase down on the ground. “Mommy and daddy gave you two a kingdom, so I’ve heard.” He snapped his fingers and his suitcase disappeared.

“Yes, they did.” Celestia grumbled. Luna backed away from the hug, still smiling, but chose not to stand right next to her sister.

“Well isn’t that special? Doesn’t come with the best of castles, though, if you ask me.” He surveyed the atrium and gagged. “These walls are so drab. Way too much grey. Personally, I would’ve gone with a fiery beige, or perhaps a muted neon green.”

“I find them to be perfectly regal. I wouldn’t change—yah!” She gasped, noticing a snake’s tail curled around Discord’s hoof. “What is that thing?”

“Oh, don’t be so harsh, now,” Discord said as the shy creature at the end of the tail revealed itself. “Have you met Tricia yet? She’s a cockatrice—part snake, part bat, part chicken. We have quite a bit in common.” He knelt down and scratched it, and the animal squawked in delight. “Who’s a good girl? You’re a good girl.”

Luna lit up. “She’s adorable!”

“She’s gross.” Celestia cringed. “Just keep that thing under control. Don’t let it desecrate the Royal Gardens or anything.” She turned up her nose and headed out of the foyer. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Royal Throne Room.”

Once the door at the end of the hall closed behind her, Discord whispered into Luna’s ear, “Somepony got out of the wrong side of the Royal Bed. Speaking of which, somepony’s in for a surprise when they discover there is no side of the Royal Bed.”

Luna smiled. Tricia scampered over to her, wrapping around her hoof. She cheeped. “Heya Tricia, it’s nice to meet you too,” Luna said, rubbing the back of the cockatrice’s neck with her free hoof.

Another cockatrice wrapped itself around Luna’s hoof, except this one had the colours and the face of Discord. “Did you miss me?” he said, pouting.

“Of course I missed you, Discord,” Luna said, giggling. “You can let go of my hoof now.”

Discord beamed. He unraveled himself from her hoof and morphed into his normal form. “So what would you like to do today? We could play tag or hopscotch or whatever games you youngsters play. Perhaps we could go flying around your kingdom, and not through a thunderstorm this time. Or we could prank your sister some more. It’s been a while since we’ve done that, and I can’t say I’m short on ideas.” He grinned, rubbing his hands in enthusiasm.

“Naw, she’s getting real sick of those by now.” Luna trotted over to the window to view the forest. Since she didn’t want to think about her magical incompetence any more today, she would rather explore the forest instead. “I want to go out to the forest today and explore. Wanna come?”

Discord looked out of the window and rubbed his chin. The forest wouldn’t be all that fun by itself. He was fairly certain he knew what a forest looked like, since he had both seen one and literally seen ‘em all, having a small bit of Luna’s parents’ omnipotence. However, if little Luna wanted to explore a forest, so be it.

“Fine, fine,” the god of chaos said, folding his arms. “Are there any rules?”

Luna thought about it for a moment. “No hurting anypony. If I tell you to stop something, that means stop. And you can move around the trees and stuff if you like, I guess, but don’t do anything too big. It’s my forest, after all.” Luna then put on her silliest serious face and her silliest serious voice. “And no fun whatsoever.”

Discord saluted, a guard’s helmet appearing on his head with a poof. “Sir yes sir!”

She grinned, then skipped around him. “Let’s go!” Tricia scurried after her.

Discord whipped his tail around, sending Tricia reeling in the opposite direction. “Tricia, you stay behind,” Discord said. He scratched underneath her chin and bulged an eye out at her through the helmet’s visor. “Keep an eye on the castle while we’re gone.”

Tricia uttered a disappointed squawk, but nodded. She was very good at keeping an eye on things.

Luna was a little disappointed at this. “Oh, okay. See you later, Tricia,” she said as she petted the cockatrice a couple more times. Tricia cheeped, then ran off to navigate the castle.

Discord’s helmet poofed away, and he patted Luna on the back. “We can always play with Tricia later. Celestia needs someone to look after her, too, don’t you think?”

Luna smiled. “I guess so.” This was why Discord was the best babysitter ever—he made her feel like she and her sister were equals. “C’mon, then, let’s go.” Luna trotted out the castle doors.

Discord followed, lazily floating behind her. The sun shone bright that day, making the grass seem even greener and the bridge even stonier. It’s such a wonderful, ordinary day, Discord thought. How positively boring.

There wouldn’t be much trouble to stir up in the forest. No ponies to throw into hysteria, no cities to turn upside down. Even if there were, he couldn’t muster the power for it anyway. It would take more than just teleporting bed sides, probably.

“Discord?”

He snapped out of his own thoughts. “Hm, yes?”

Luna eyebrows creased. “Discord, you don’t look so happy today.”

The draconequus smiled. She was cute when she looked worried. “Oh, I’m doing just fine, dear. Don’t mind me. I thought there was forest to explore.”

“But I want you to have fun, too.” She rubbed her chin, stopping in her tracks for a moment to think. “You could turn the roads into soap again and we could skate!”

Discord rested his head on his hands as he floated along. “I would, but your mommy and daddy took away most of my power.” He lifted his hand to his forehead in distress. “I have been reduced to mere levitation, shapeshifting, and ‘moving around trees and stuff’! Woe, oh insufferable woe!”

Luna frowned, tilting her head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t worry about it, I’m just teasing a little.” He straightened up and flew with more vigor, eager to move on from this topic. “Get on with this exploring business.”

Luna nodded and trotted onward. The forest let in an ample amount of sunlight. It seemed fairly warm and inviting, the leaves crunching under her hooves and some vines curling around some of the trees. Luna lifted her hooves high as she walked, careful not to trip on any of the roots. She looked for woodland creatures but there didn’t seem to be any just yet.

In the back of her mind, Luna was thinking of names for this forest. The easiest thing was probably to find an interesting landmark and name it after that, but she was open to other possibilities. Although some of the names of the other cities were corny and funny, she didn’t want the name to be like that—she wanted it to be unique, something she came up with herself. Not naming it after herself, though. Even she understood how vain that would be.

They found themselves next to the edge of the ravine, off on the eastern side of the castle. Luna peered down the edge. She could make out small rocks littered across the ground down there. Even though the bottom wasn’t as far away as she had thought, she still had a bout of vertigo from the peering, so she stepped back onto solid ground.

Discord had been watching to make sure she didn’t fall off. Now that she was safely away from the edge, he turned around casually, but he noticed something peculiar far off in the distance. An old acquaintance of his was travelling up the road to the castle. Now this was something he had to see.

He whipped back around, searching for something to distract Luna with. Spotting a pile of rocks next to a clearing, he feigned a gasp. “Do my eyes deceive me? Is this really them?” Discord hovered over to the rock pile and lifted out an armful.

Luna trotted over. “What? What’s really them?”

“Oh, I’ve been searching for these for years!” He dumped them on the ground and inspected them, rolling them between his lion paw and eagle talon. “In such good condition, too. To think, I could’ve spent an immortal lifetime looking for these.”

“For what? What are they?” Luna said, inspecting them herself now. “Tell me!”

“The fundamental essences of the universe,” Discord said, his eyes shimmering, grasping one and holding it up to the sunlight. “I can practically feel the primordial energy flow through them!”

Luna took a closer look at these rocks. All six of them were almost as big around as her arm was long. They didn’t seem different from any other rocks, misshapen and hard and dull grey and ordinary. Hardly anything super magical. “Are you sure these are them?”

“You dare to doubt me? I’m offended.” He crossed his arms in mock indignation. “They’re so very real and not made up at all, and they’re called the elements of… happiness. Delight. Good things. Something like that.”

Elements… Yes, Star Swirl had mentioned something like that in his journal. Some sort of elements. Perhaps they really were the fundamental essences of the universe. Luna stared at them in wonder. If she could harness their power, Tia would certainly be impressed, and she would let her raise the moon for sure.

“Anyway, I’ll be off,” Discord said. “Don’t get eaten by a manticore while I’m gone.”

“Bye,” Luna said, not really paying attention to him anymore. She eyed the rocks and readied a spell-casting stance. If these were the real elements, she was going to activate them, one way or another.

Discord flew up to skim the treetops, but no higher than that, as he didn’t want to be spotted. In the distance, he spied his acquaintance knocking on the castle doors. He rubbed his hands and grinned, curious to see what sort of business King Sombra was bringing down to Equestria.

Comments

[kniznik]

Well this Celestia deserves all that is coming to her in the future. And let me guess, Tia will try to take away Luna's elements out of obvious jealousy and to get more power to do her job.