Featured In8

  • ...
 190
 3,840
Source

The newest resident of the changeling hive feels out of place.  He cannot remember the last time he had wings, holes in his arms, or talking bugs for friends.  What is he?  Why is he here?  Will he find his way home?  Will he survive in a world without coffee?


Featured on Equestria Daily

For those who have forgotten what has happened so far in the story since it was taken down, here's a chapter-by-chapter summary of all events and characters up to and including chapter 10.

First Published
5th Nov 2012
Last Modified
12th Jan 2015

My first fanfic!  Please leave a comment or critique.  Any and all feedback is much appreciated!  :twilightsmile:

#2 · 142w, 3d ago · 1 · 1 · Chapter 1 - Bees ·

If you hadn't of said this is your first fanfic, I would have not believed you. This is good.

"a cheese-legged, black-coated, bug-like horse from a green, squishy hive"

That passage wins the thumb.  (Right up there with "one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater," if you ask me.)  And I am definitely liking this setup.

Lying had never been my forte.

So... A human who doesn't lie very well is now a Changeling...

Count me interested.

*Reads*

*scrolls down*

Where's the chapter 2 button? WHERE IS IT?!

Human in a pony body fic? Not normally my taste because of the constant "holy crap I'm a pony" aspect they tend to drag along but I think this will go well. Especially for a first fic.

Dreams can’t be proven, monitored, audited, or replicated.  With modern technology, we can only detect the stage of sleep at which dreams occur.  Beyond that, retellings of dreams are only as reputable as the one doing the retelling.  And, retellings are the only way dreams last beyond the dreamer’s memory.

Ummm, dude?

You might want to look that up.

It's been scientifically proven to exist.

Actually, REM is actually vital for the development of the brain.

But that aside, interesting story so far...

Thanks so far for the feedback, guys!  :D

ForlanceAbice > You're right.  I meant that what the dreamer sees in a dream couldn't be proven, etc.  I'll think about how to word that better.  Thanks for pointing that out! :twilightblush:

>>1568261

If you don't have an idea yet, perhaps something along the lines of, "What is dreamed cannot be proven, ..."

this Like First Pony View,Why this that

yay, you have become an author!!!!1 i shall read this soon

>>1568618  Thanks!  It'll be something along those lines, yeah.

>>1568955  Why first person narrative?  It seemed to work best for this story.  We see everything from his perspective, as opposed to a narrator who knows and notices everything already, and already understands the pony world.  We, as the reader, follow his thoughts and his perspective on things as he discovers this new world.

>>1570209  :DDD

No I WAS TALK ABOUT FANFIC NAMED THAT

THE FANFIC CALLED  First Pony View,

I WASN"T TALK ABOUT Point of VIEW

>>1570676  Oh, sorry!  I was confused.

I didn't even know that fic existed.  I'd imagine there are many out there with a similar plot to mine, but I haven't read them.  :/

First Pony View is simply another story in the "Human Wakes up as an Equestrian" genre of stories. Except it messed with my head quite a bit more than most... I should probably get around to reading more of it someday, I don't think I have looked at it for MONTHS now. But I digress.

Your story fits into the "Human Wakes up as a Changeling" Sub-genre of stories, specifically those where the main character is from "our" universe and at least knows of the existence of MLP: FiM. So yes, there are many fics out there with a similar plot to yours.

HOWEVER

From what I have read so far yours is among the best of them (or at least I personally found it to be one of the most enjoyable of them), and has some interesting aspects to it that I have not seen in any others like it so far in its sub-genre (though I have occasionally seen them in the wider genre mentioned above). Anyway, I very much enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story, and look forward to future updates.

Moar!!!!!!!!:scootangel:

Great you did good for your first fanfiction

Everybody is changeling!:raritydespair:

6 F 26 (I'm guessing) has a heart after all! Aw...

Yo, ders a spy over der!

That scene with Taff was nice. The innocence of children, before being tainted with prejudice.

This could go any number of ways right now.

It'll be interesting to see what happens.

wow. that was great. sad he left little Taff. =(

awaiting the next chapter~

Please keep going.

One day, this'll get the publicity it deserves.

Thank you.  I'm glad you guys enjoy it :)

Chapter 4 might take about two weeks, or (heaven forbid) more.  University life is getting busier closer to finals.  Hope you guys don't mind. :twilightsmile:

Also, it was hard not to notice the flour sack tattoo on her hip.  I understood that it was related to her name, and her job, but it seemed too… permanent, and limiting.  Oh, well.  It was her choice, I guess.

I thought this guy was supposed to be a brony, or was that retconned?  How does he not know cutie marks?

>>1655524

His cousins watched it, He didn't,

>>1655524

What >>1656077 said. :)

Yeah, he knows the name, recognizes the basic animation style, and knows that the ponies can talk.  That's essentially all he knows.  He's not a brony.

Very nice so far. I do say though, I think it I would have liked it a tiny bit more if you hadn't mentioned the show. Like the character didn't even know about the show at all. (Unless it is a pivotal plot point later, then never mind :derpytongue2:)

The world of Equestria in it of itself is fantastic enough to build countless stories on, even without the specific ponies we all love and cherish.

Your story seems to have the merit to make the most of the environment. :twilightsmile:

Good story!  Can't wait for the next part!:pinkiehappy:-Luigicat11

Walholio likes this almost as much as TP! *throws soup in your face*:pinkiecrazy:  (Me in a nutshell)-Walholio

Good story!  Can't wait for the next part!:pinkiehappy:-Luigicat11

Walholio likes this almost as much as TP! *throws soup in your face*:pinkiecrazy:  (Me in a nutshell)-Walholio

“Who may I speak to about interdimensional travel?”

Biggest long-shot to have ever existed. He's so hopeful. Guess that explains the title.

Another nice chapter.

I'm just wondering if any of these characters are going to show up again at any point, or if they just show up once to advance the plot and/or give our protagonist some insight.

...Poor guy. Stuck in a world without coffee.

>>1728232

Dangit, you've foiled my plans!

Just kidding. xP  Yeah, I had a feeling someone might ask that after this chapter.  Yes, most of these characters will recur, some having smaller roles than others.  I understand it might be a bit... rapid, maybe, but this is my first fic, after all.  Whether it seems like it or not, I'm learning. ;)

edit:  I think I see what you guys are worried about...  When I posted this, I already had chapter 5 in mind... Don't worry, I'm not done with the wheat family yet ;)

>>1729073

Yeah, that's cool.

Not saying it's bad, I was just curious about it. You're doing really well for your first fic, at any rate.

>>1566075 I'm pretty sure that line is talking about the contents of the dream, not dreaming itself.

HiE AND changelings?

Faved...

I've got a question: Are you only using OC and no canon characters like Twilight?

For a first fic I would have to say that this isn't all that bad.

Also like slinky said it felt like you were going through new characters like a [insert something]. Although if they will be recurring then it isn't that bad, but do try to slow it down a little bit with meeting new characters and then suddenly leaving them again.

This is without a doubt the weirdest Changeling story I have read so far lol... keep going

>>1758438  Canon characters, well... I'm planning for one canon character in the long run, for sure, but I might give another one or two a quick cameo or something.  Only if it's... explainable, and not just out of the blue.

>>1758443  You guys might not like chapter 5, then. :p  There's a little bit more of that in chapter 5...  I'll see what I can do...

>>1758668  lol :D  I'm taking that as a complement :twilightsmile:

This was very good, it kept me interested throughout the whole chapters! Looking forward to the next update!

This is quite good!  I am... quite confused, but in a good way.  You have successfully gotten me interested and kept me looking and trying to figure out what is going on.

I like your writing style; generally, 1st and 2nd person stories do not appeal to me, but your writing is engaging and energetic, and I don't feel like I'm being strung along- there's an organic feel, where I get the impression that I am learning along with the narrator.  Very hard to do well, congratulations!

The pacing is very good- though it moves fast, I don't get a feeling of it being rushed; perhaps because of the... I want to say empirical nature of the story- where nearly all the knowledge has to be gained by experience and all suppositions tested.

There's a slight sense of humor I get from the story- despite the seriousness of the situation, a bit of lightheartedness creeps into some of the commentary.  And the scene with Taff?  Very endearing, and it did a great job of delineating the differences between the human... well, I assume the narrator USED to be human, and Equestria.

I'll be continuing to read, this is intriguing!

Bok

This was not the Hope and Changeling I voted for.

...

Okay, I'll slap myself for that one. Ow.

I don't know why, but it's really funny to watch him go around asking for a teleport to another world and have everyone non-chalantly respond with "Another world you say?  Can't help you, but maybe if you visit ..."  As though teleports to other worlds, while rare, are not really out of the ordinary.

I am very much liking this story.

I know its good when I stay up too late to read up to the last chapter, then get a bit sad when there are no more left.

I have no criticism either, sorry I can't help with anything.

You could do with using page-breaks in some situations.

Otherwise, a great chapter. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment