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The newest resident of the changeling hive feels out of place. He cannot remember the last time he had wings, holes in his arms, or talking bugs for friends. What is he? Why is he here? Will he find his way home? Will he survive in a world without coffee?
Featured on Equestria Daily
*Reads*
*scrolls down*
Where's the chapter 2 button? WHERE IS IT?!
Dreams can’t be proven, monitored, audited, or replicated. With modern technology, we can only detect the stage of sleep at which dreams occur. Beyond that, retellings of dreams are only as reputable as the one doing the retelling. And, retellings are the only way dreams last beyond the dreamer’s memory.
Ummm, dude?
You might want to look that up.
It's been scientifically proven to exist.
Actually, REM is actually vital for the development of the brain.
But that aside, interesting story so far...
>>1568618 Thanks! It'll be something along those lines, yeah.
>>1568955 Why first person narrative? It seemed to work best for this story. We see everything from his perspective, as opposed to a narrator who knows and notices everything already, and already understands the pony world. We, as the reader, follow his thoughts and his perspective on things as he discovers this new world.
>>1570209 :DDD
First Pony View is simply another story in the "Human Wakes up as an Equestrian" genre of stories. Except it messed with my head quite a bit more than most... I should probably get around to reading more of it someday, I don't think I have looked at it for MONTHS now. But I digress.
Your story fits into the "Human Wakes up as a Changeling" Sub-genre of stories, specifically those where the main character is from "our" universe and at least knows of the existence of MLP: FiM. So yes, there are many fics out there with a similar plot to yours.
HOWEVER
From what I have read so far yours is among the best of them (or at least I personally found it to be one of the most enjoyable of them), and has some interesting aspects to it that I have not seen in any others like it so far in its sub-genre (though I have occasionally seen them in the wider genre mentioned above). Anyway, I very much enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story, and look forward to future updates.
Also, it was hard not to notice the flour sack tattoo on her hip. I understood that it was related to her name, and her job, but it seemed too… permanent, and limiting. Oh, well. It was her choice, I guess.
I thought this guy was supposed to be a brony, or was that retconned? How does he not know cutie marks?
Very nice so far. I do say though, I think it I would have liked it a tiny bit more if you hadn't mentioned the show. Like the character didn't even know about the show at all. (Unless it is a pivotal plot point later, then never mind 
)
The world of Equestria in it of itself is fantastic enough to build countless stories on, even without the specific ponies we all love and cherish.
Your story seems to have the merit to make the most of the environment. 
Dangit, you've foiled my plans!
Just kidding. xP Yeah, I had a feeling someone might ask that after this chapter. Yes, most of these characters will recur, some having smaller roles than others. I understand it might be a bit... rapid, maybe, but this is my first fic, after all. Whether it seems like it or not, I'm learning. ;)
edit: I think I see what you guys are worried about... When I posted this, I already had chapter 5 in mind... Don't worry, I'm not done with the wheat family yet ;)
For a first fic I would have to say that this isn't all that bad.
Also like slinky said it felt like you were going through new characters like a [insert something]. Although if they will be recurring then it isn't that bad, but do try to slow it down a little bit with meeting new characters and then suddenly leaving them again.
>>1758438 Canon characters, well... I'm planning for one canon character in the long run, for sure, but I might give another one or two a quick cameo or something. Only if it's... explainable, and not just out of the blue.
>>1758443 You guys might not like chapter 5, then. :p There's a little bit more of that in chapter 5... I'll see what I can do...
>>1758668 lol :D I'm taking that as a complement
This is quite good! I am... quite confused, but in a good way. You have successfully gotten me interested and kept me looking and trying to figure out what is going on.
I like your writing style; generally, 1st and 2nd person stories do not appeal to me, but your writing is engaging and energetic, and I don't feel like I'm being strung along- there's an organic feel, where I get the impression that I am learning along with the narrator. Very hard to do well, congratulations!
The pacing is very good- though it moves fast, I don't get a feeling of it being rushed; perhaps because of the... I want to say empirical nature of the story- where nearly all the knowledge has to be gained by experience and all suppositions tested.
There's a slight sense of humor I get from the story- despite the seriousness of the situation, a bit of lightheartedness creeps into some of the commentary. And the scene with Taff? Very endearing, and it did a great job of delineating the differences between the human... well, I assume the narrator USED to be human, and Equestria.
I'll be continuing to read, this is intriguing!
I don't know why, but it's really funny to watch him go around asking for a teleport to another world and have everyone non-chalantly respond with "Another world you say? Can't help you, but maybe if you visit ..." As though teleports to other worlds, while rare, are not really out of the ordinary.
>>1785160 Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it :)
>>1803219 That's okay. ;P
>>1803429 Slinky, I think you're my best friend. xD
But seriously, I wasn't sure how many page breaks I could put in without making it too distracting, but I'll throw another in there, for good measure.
>>1805619 It was a joke. ;p
I like the quirky sense of humor that pervades this story- the somewhat bemused tone to describe the various bits of bad fortune that happen to Gouda.
Sometimes the reactions from Gouda don't quite fit what I expect- it's sort of like he's punch drunk? Perhaps just too passive, but when considering what arriving in such a world would do to me, I don't know how I would react. There does seem to be a sense of not being highly driven to get back, though.
I really like the interactions with Aunt Mille, as well as the description of the town hall with it's stairs and hallways. The writing is a treat, it flows very smoothly and makes it easy to follow a format that can often be tough to read through, at least for me.
>>1826600 Thank you! :D
>>1875258 I think I'm going to change some of his interactions with characters, so he doesn't seem too carefree. I think I'll add more discussion of getting back as well, to make it more obvious that he does want to get back. Hmm... Maybe the quirky sense of humour adds to that "punch drunk" mood? I think I'll tone some of his wisecracks down a little bit when I go through and revise. Thank you for letting me know!
Oh, I like the sense of humor- dry and acerbic, almost British. I get the feeling you're trying to use it to express a sense of resignation, which could fit just fine for the character. Not everyone will rage and whine about things they can't change- what the humor gave me was the feel that Gouda was accepting that events were happening. For me, the 'punch drunk' feel was from the willingness to let some of those events pull him along rather than chart his own course.
As for changing, I think that should come as part of character growth, as he adapts to his situation and learns how to relate to and interact with Ponies. I've seen some already, and I'm looking forward to more- as he learns cultural and social assumptions, finds out more about changelings vs Ponies, etc, I'm expecting him to have more complex interactions and begin to be more proactive rather than waiting to see what happens. The waiting seems like a rational decision when you don't understand a thing about the world you wake up in.
Good stuff, though. 
>>1876503 Oh, that's it! I didn't realize it before, but you're right; he's just been letting these events drag him along. I'll work on that, too; making him more proactive. I think the passiveness, if at all, would fit better later in the story anyway, with what I have in mind for the human's background.
What I mean is that the ponies aren't running and screaming, arming themselves, or generally being more alarmed considering how Changelings have harmed Equestria. They treat him more like an embarrassing relative than a potentially dangerous alien.
So... comparatively laid back.
>>1999832 Ah, I see now. Minor spoilers, I think:
Actually, this story starts about a week before the changelings invaded Canterlot (which is why the changelings are still in Equestria). I'm assuming that most ponies hadn't even heard of changelings until the mayor's speech in chapter 2, and aren't quite sure of how to deal with them. I hinted at the Canterlot changeling invasion in chapter 3 (when I revised it), and have already planned to drop a hint about it in chapter 7. I hope that that makes things a little clearer. :p
>>1995433 But it makes sense, because the narrator was a human.
A Wild Update Appears!
You use DEVOUR VORACIOUSLY.
* * * *
It is VERY EFFECTIVE
I like this story so much... reading it sort of makes my head spin, but I like your attention to the protagonist's state of mind, how he tries to keep on an even keel while dealing with some very weird stuff.
Seriously, when i saw you'd updated, I dropped everything to read this.
More importantly, will he stop relying on cheap rhetorical questions for his synopsis?
Hand in your card. It's been revoked.
Holy dots on a plane, Batman, this author abuses ellipses like a cruel jockey does his horse! Granted, it's stream-of-consciousness, so you can get away with it by playing the "That's how the character thinks" card. Still, try to cut down on them.
Furthermore, your adverb use is astronomical. While not wrong, they're considered crutches for writers that lack the vocabulary and wordplay skills to craft different sentence structures. Having one every paragraph is okay (for fanfiction; don't try that with professional literature) but you're cramming two or more into a single sentence at times.
For example, "he walked slowly" is weaker than "he trudged" or "he plodded".
Numerals are only to be used in exposition when displaying time and never in dialogue (have you tried pronouncing a symbol before? It's difficult, let me tell you). Since it's stream-of-consciousness you could get away with a line about the protagonist finding it easier to just imagine the numbers as numerals, but you need to establish that at some point.
Comma usage is excessive. Avoid preceding conjunctions (and, but, or, nor ect.) with them unless it's necessary to topic comprehension. Read the story out loud to figure out where they're needed; your body's natural pauses will do the rest.
Yeah, I've realized that I abuse ellipses, and have tried to cut down on them lately. I shall look into the adverb thing; I thought I did an okay job with verbs and such, but I shall keep my eyes open for that when I write.
As a general rule for numbers, I learned that numbers under 100 should be written out. However, when I was writing in names like "6 F 26," I thought it would become an eyesore to read it as "Six F Twenty-Six" every time, so I decided to keep numerals there.
As for commas, I am a little loose when it comes to those, I'll admit. However, I think it's necessary to precede some conjunctions with commas, like when combining two standalone sentences (ex. "I'd walk to the store, but it's too far away."). I do put in some commas before conjunctions where it's probably unnecessary, but, like you said, that's where I naturally pause when I read it out loud.
I appreciate you taking the time to point out grammar issues, so thank you! :)
“I didn’t say you could speak, doofus,” she snapped.
Some pony dislikes our protagonist less than she lets on... Or she just sucks at insults.
...she said to not me.
I get what you're saying, but it's a strange way to say it. Maybe write it as "...she said to the two ponies who weren't me." Or something like that where it's more clear that she's purposely leaving the protagonist out of her consideration.
Hmmm... Imminent invasion and those three are stuck in Manehattan. Getting home afterward is going to be fun! And I'm sure it's still all the protagonist's fault somehow.
He said… Well, let’s just say he said she bakes a good batch of cookies.
Not sure if you're insinuating what I think you're insinuating. Going to assume you are, anyway.
Really good chapter. You're doing a good job with the first person perspective and including the protagonist's thoughts, but I feel that you could have written a bit more about what the other changelings were actually doing when they were beating him. I guess it was a bit dialogue-heavy, but that's probably just me.
>>2096856 To answer your first question, yep. ;)
And I totally get the whole dialogue-heavy thing. The problem in this chapter was that I wanted to be careful with how much violence I put in the story, without having to bump it up to a "Teen" rating. So, I kind of skimmed over those parts.
It reminded me of “the game.” If one thinks about “the game,” one “loses” “the game.” It was just… annoying. I was bad at those kinds of mind games, anyway: when I tried to not think about something, but only ended up thinking about, merely by trying not to. It was a lose-lose situation.
Damn you. 
Hmm.
I'm still loving this story, I've always liked changeling stories, and this is one of the better ones.
However, in the chapter I noticed a bit of redundancy in some of your descriptions. It's hard to describe, and I only notice it because I caught myself doing it while writing in the past, but things tend to settle into a pattern.
Action movement or otherwise
"text right after that says something similar"
Action movement or otherwise of other character
"text of what the other character says"
And then it just kind of repeats. It's not bad at all, and again, if I had not been doing it myself a few weeks ago, and studied really closely about how it was happening, i'd never notice it. It's hardly important in the grand scheme of things, but I always do try to point out something to improve the story in a comment, and well, this is it.
SPOILER< DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ STORY YET>
Edit: It's the worst here.
"I groaned from the pain. This had to stop; I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Please, stop.”
He snickered. “But, why, when I’m enjoying myself so much?”
That’s when I got mad, on top of being scared. “You… you’re both monsters! Barbaric, senseless monsters!”
The one holding me down corrected me. “That’s not how you speak to Sergeant, chump!”
Oh, so that was the sergeant-"
>>2100423 Ugh, how embarrassing. Here I thought I was doing well with variety and all that, and then... that section. 
Thank you for pointing that out. I changed that section, but only slightly; I like how the first three lines are arranged. However, I shall keep my eye on that from now on. Thanks again. :)
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-Luigicat11
this is can't hold it in much longer. Can't
This is hilarious!
KEEP GOING MOAR! 
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