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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm honestly slightly saddened by the predictablility, it also feels as though you're adding stuff in to make the story work, which I feel is kind of lazy, but, that doesn't mean it was bad, try to plan around... 3 chapters ahead and explain things earlier, the sooner, the better. Sure, it might add to the predictability, but what good story doesn't have foreshadowing? Just try not to make it too blatant.
Another thing I'd like to put forward is the use of the "magic fixes everything, we're all powerful" trope, I am aware this is rather opinionative, but I just feel as though its a little "OP" as it would stand, Maybe something along the lines of a power ceiling, ( that would promptly be shattered, ) or atleast needing to learn the magic? do not take this segment as a change to be made to the story, ( or do, I won't question it. ) rather, a way to structure any future stories? Because it would ruin what you have going, which is a story of a man who found a colorful talking horse, follows her home, and turns into an anime-chimera, which has its charms in its own way, which is honestly, why I like it, but it gets a little underwhelming when the parts that are obviously supposed to be climactic, aren't, because it feels as though there was no mountain climbed, no overlaying challenge, it feels like you went through a plot chart in the middle of a plot chart, if that makes sense.
Since you seem to like anime, take a reccommendation from me and give "Fairy tail" a go, its really good, and it ( slightly ) helps with my point, oh, and be warned, the voice actor for happy is obnoxious no matter which ya wath, dubbed or subbed, I prefer the dubbed, but that's because I saw it first.
(Wow, that was a lot of rambling now wasn't it? Oh god, i'm doing it again.. better close here!)
A couple chapters ago you asked for constructive criticism, this is my feeble attempt at giving it.
Stay classy,
-Massimo
5744421
I really do appreciate the construction criticism and the subject about them being powerful magic beings is going to be addressed soon after the arc is finished. It maybe a cliche, but it is the only solution that can end this 'Dues Ex Machina' (to which I make fun of a lot). They will get a 'power down' making them more like able characters, but they will have magic of an almost advance unicorn, but with a twist. That is all I am giving for hints.