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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think you are quite good at adding the music and including some of the things that happen during the video.
I don't think your really writing the mane 6 in full details...in MLP...If a friend gone missing or got captured....the mane 6 won't just shrug it off and say they have no time...They would go out there to rescue their friends. Character out of place here.