After a tearful goodbye between the girls and Spike for his five year nap, he finally awakes. But how will equestria adjust to his new size, more importantly how will the girls react to the new Spike?
Chapters (3)
Animated Rarity
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Hmm... Could do with a thorough edit. Try having a look at the site's writing guide and then going through your work carefully.
Looking forward to the next chapter, though! My guess is that he'll be a magic type with two new draconic horns
its a great Idea for a story I've been looking for story's that talk more about dragons and about spike growing.
I love the idea of this story, like a lot.
A lot of missing punctuation though.
Ok I'll try to have the next chapter out this weekend because this definitely was a spur of the moment thing that I don't know why I wrote this
but give me some time and I won't let you down
...... hopefully
Interesting concept for a story. I would like to see what happens next chapter. Good luck.
Everything seems good so far, I'll follow.
Flashback need quotes. You know, these things: ""
Outside of that I like the idea
Errr, that was confusing. Was he dreaming or something? It sounds like he's asleep, but still aware or something like that.
Oh well, assuming he's not delirious, good to see he's grown a pair.
5601889 ehhhh not my best.....well I don't really have a best but just like last time I wrote this at like 4 a.m so if its weird or confusing I'm not surprised
but still no idea what I'm doing 
I found this amusing, I could literally see spike doing this, even the spamming of teleportation, even though Twi would have probably lectured him about it had she caught him. lol
You need to be much, much more thorough in your grammar. You have some fun ideas and the characters sound a lot like themselves. For that reason, you need to work on the narrative, because it is too fragmented and unpolished, which unfortunately drags the story down.
Also, why does he have magic? He is a dragon. Why does everyone insist on giving dragons magic? They are dangerous, often huge, almost invulnerable and generally pretty awesome. And if they have wings, also flying. Giving someone toughness, strength, flight AND magic is just setting yourself up for the cries of GARY STU.
Also, that flashback in the previous chapter. Get rid of the "flashback" at the start and the end. You need to write your segue. Marking it with flashback and flashback end is so terribly lazy and something you need to avoid. If you need to tell the reader like that, then you are not working hard enough at making the narrative proper.
Still, despite my rant, you have some good points, mostly the characters' voice and speaking patterns and Spike's humorous narration. I am cautiously optimistic. Just put some effort into the whole narrative and do some proofreading and you'll do fine.
Happy writing.
5640951 thanks for the input since this is my first story I written your criticism is very appreciated
You need to be more consistent with your grammar. While I didn't find it extremely distracting, it was still clearly inconsistent.
Why did you favorite a story you wrote?
5650385 cuze I wanted to see if I could considering I wrote it I thought it wouldn't let me
Sorry for the update delay. I just been struggling with being descriptive. As I looked back through this story I like my concept as most do but I noticed I'm not doing a good job describing things/the environment better. Like if you were to give me a painting of a rose in a garden some people would say some crap about the beauty of life or describe the stem and leaves and colors and yada yada me I would just say its a rose and that's what I wanna change. So try to be patient with me and I'll try to have something out soon
can't wait to read the next chapter.
Hmm, what's behind that eye colour?
Short...
Probably spike marking his love interest
5827382 lol it seemed like a lot when I wrote it like at least 3 thousand words but maybe that's because I wrote it on mobile
That's not good. It may be that Spike has a bit of dark magic in him. I guess we will see soon. I do wonder if these awkward times will persist with the rest of the main six. Maybe even Luna and Celestia. I guess we will see.
Okay first chapter of a first story... and it defenitly needs work.
Now that dosen't mean it's bad idea - it's what gripped me to begin with - but the overall product just needs polish. Grammer is the first issue that jumped out to me. Punctuation is key! This story needed, nay DESIRED a comma or two for a start. It just helps to make the whole thing look polished.
The major problem of the story is the flashback scene. You really need to point out characters when they're talking; otherwise the reader is left confused as to who is who; I'm still not entirely convinced I had a grasp on everyones lines. This isn't really an issue when some is saying a phrase or style unique to them -'Spikey Wikey' obviously - but for a neutral sentence - one where it dosen't have a clear definition of the speaker - it makes the reader confused, and a little lost.
Overall though, it caught my interest. Yes it's short, but hey, it's a spur of them moment thing so I won't hold that aginst it. ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
Ok, first off, you switched to first person. Bad move; at least in my opinion. A story needs to keep a good flow; by being as accessible and easy to read as possible; so the reader can focus on the story and nothing more. Yes the grammer dosen't help, but that's easily overlooked; switching perspectives isn't. It's jarring and causes the reader to take a second to focus on the stories structure; a second they should be spending getting invested in what you write, rather than how you write it.
And then there was the bad habit you NEED to stamp out...
NO, NO, NO!
(*Raps knuckles with ruler*)
For startes, abbreviations should NEVER be used in stories; unless it's someone talking on the computer or phone; and only then if it's being transcribed from the source. I'm not going to say why it's bad - I'm not going to patronise you, you're intelligent - but I AM going to tell you to stop it right now! Sory if I sound unusually harsh, but this is a bad habit that can become commonplace if not called on; I want to make sure you improve as a writer and this is something that could affect that.
Other than that, the major problem was the conext of things. Is he dreaming? In a coma? Did he forget how his eyes worked? It's not really clear; and while that might have been the intent, it didn't really work. Still, one more chapter to go. Still interested!
... Ok, I'm REALLY hoping this dosen't become a harem story. But that aside...
Much better! It's defenitely got improvement compared to the last two chapters; but it still needs work. First of all, I'd honestly advise getting an editor. Yep, I'm on the grammer train again. It is important for you to learn this yes, but this can be better accomplished with someone doing it once for you and then TELLING you what they did; seeing it done first hand can help alot!
The rest of my problems are really small gripes; but still worth noting. I've noticed you tend to use small sentences alot; which is fine, but you should consider moving away from it. Short sentences work well on their own - as do long ones - but combined, they can really help wit the pacing and the structure. It sounds like a small thing, but you'd be suprised how things like this can add to a a product as a whole. The other thing is more o a suggestion really. For Twilight's thoughts, you used a quotation mark to differentiate it; good start! I'd advise making it Italic too though. It just helps to seperate it from the normal speech that little bit more.
But enough bitching! A point I liked; the whole Twilight and Spike staredown. This was actually a really funny scene and I really did think it showed you're potential as a writer! It wa spaced nicely, it has some great dialogue and honestly, it was a great character moment. Granted, for me personally, it got a little creepy with the whole Spike nearly mounting her bit; but that's more because it came out of nowehere and was a little DIRECT from what we've seen so far; it felt just a little out of place.
Overall, I think I'll jump ship for now. But you're getting better all the time! Keep at it and this story could be the first stepping stone to something better!
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE WORKS!
5829571 ok I'm writing this on mobile so if an idk snuck in there I will take it out at my earliest convenience and again all criticism is greatly appreciated and yeah I went through my other chapters and it was definitely cring worthy but I feel like chapter 3 wasn't that bad besides a few things
5830070 Like I say, Chapter 3 REALLY does show the beginnings of great writing! Keep trying improving, and you'll do some great work I know.
I'm going to put out an update soon just been working a lot
Gahaha, I'm loving this my friend. A few grammar mistakes but nothing too moment-breaking.
Keep up the good work and update this ASAP.
6466178 lol I'll try to push out an update soon so its not dead yet
Please continue thy story. That's all.
I like where this is heading
Question: Update?
I think it died....or the author died...pity