Equestria Girls: Two times the Pie

by Vinyl-ScratchDJ17

Prologue

Pinkie Pie beams happily as she skips down the halls of Canterlot high, the light sparkling off of her ocean blue eyes, and her hair bouncing a little with each step she takes. She waves to all of her friends she see's, but then again, everyone is Pinkie Pie's friend, so in reality, she waves to every person that steps foot in her peripheral vision. She makes sure to keep her teeth in the best condition, despite all of the sweets she eats, because when she smiles, she wants to be able to show off nice, big, pearly whites, rather than cracked, yellow teeth that fall out. In her right arm, she holds a green covered textbook for science, and a notebook with a pen and pencil in the bindings, and in her left arm, she has a light blue book bag hanging over her shoulder. You could say that Pinkie Pie is the perfect student due to the fact she's always on time, and always gets her homework done and turned in to the best of her ability.

Science is the last period of the day for Pinkie Pie, and she also shares this class with Applejack and Rarity. Pinkie slows her skip to a fast walk which makes her feel antsy since it's not fun enough for her needs , as she enters the classroom. To her right are bookshelves that line the wall from her side of the room, to the other. To her left is the teachers desk facing the back of the room, about five feet from the black board, against the left wall. The floor is a blue tile, the walls are light blue color with vertical darker blue stripes running up and down the walls. There are a few students scattered around the room, sitting in their respective desks which are white, with brown chairs. AJ, and Rarity being two of these students, sitting a desk apart, column wise. The room is lit up by a few ceiling lights, and the windows at the back of the room. Pinkie Pie skips slightly over to the desk in between her friends, and takes a seat.

"Afternoon Sugarcube!" Applejack says kindly with a tip of her Stetson hat.

"After all, it really is a fabulous day, with the weather being perfectly marvelous!" Rarity sighs dreamily, her chin resting on her hands, and her elbows propped up on the desk.

"I know right?! I could prance, dance and skip around till time's end in weather like this!" Pinkie Pie replies excitedly with her high pitched voice, placing her textbook and notebook on the desk. She pulls her book bag off, and slips it under the desk at her feet. "So, are you guys still gonna come to the slumber party I scheduled for tonight? Because I would be really sad if you didn't" Pinkie Pie makes a sad, and mopey, facial expression, giving a small example of how she would feel if nobody were to show up.

"Of course Ah'm comin'! I wouldn't miss one of your slumber parties for the world!" Applejack exclaims happily, giving Pinkie Pie a small hug.

"Awe, I know I could count on you Applejack." Pinkie Pie replies softly, returning Applejacks hug. "What about you Rarity?" Pinkie asks the style obsessed teen, who is currently lost deep in thought. "Rarity!" Pinki sings, poking Rarity's shoulder with a finger.

"What?" Rarity exclaims, whipping her head around. "Y-you want me to make you another outfit?" Rarity asks, unsure of what Pinkie Pie really wants to ask.

"Noo you silly billy!" Pinkie Pie scoffs sarcastically, with a roll of her oversized blue eyes, as Applejack silently giggles to herself.

"What ever is it then, dear?"

"Wweeeellll, I was wondering if you were going to come to my slumber party! You know how I get when I invite my friends to a party, and they don't show up!" Pinkie Pie says with a twitch of her left eye.

"Yes Pinkie Pie, ah think we all know what ya can get like when nobody shows up." Applejack retorts bluntly, rolling her eyes.

"IgetreallytwitchyandIendupdoingthingsthatnobodyeverwantstosee!" Pinkie exclaims so fast that she even confuses herself.

"Ah beg ur pardon?" Applejack asks, raising a brow, and tilting her head to one side.

"Yes, please do repeat that again, so it sounds like words are actually coming out of your mouth." Rarity says, chuckling to herself afterwords.

"I don't know." Pinkie replies with a shrug. "But anywaaayyyy." Pinkie reaches a hand up into her hair, and pulls out clip board with a sheet of paper on it. On this sheet of paper are little drawings of Pinkie's friends faces, with a check box next to each. She pulls her pen out of her notebook, and makes a check next to the small illustrations of Rarity and Applejack. Rainbow Dash's box has already been checked, and now, all she needs is one from Fluttershy, and Sunset Shimmer. "Fluttershy said she may not be able to come today which is sad, so I hope that Sunset shimmer can pull through for us." Pinkie says with a slight smile, as she puts the clipboard back in her hair with a little pat.

"Ah'm happy for Sunset. She may have been a rotten, stubborn, evil, twisted, no good-"

"Okay darling, I think we get the point." Rarity says, cutting off Applejack, smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry about that." Applejack replies apologetically.

"Don't worry about a thing Dear, we all do it sometimes, like me when I'm making a new dress I feel really confident in, then I sound like Pinkie Pie when I rant on about it." Rarity giggles a bit at her reference of using Pinkie Pie, who grabs a cupcake out of her hair, and begins to eat it in silence as Aj, and Rarity talk.

"Thank ya. But, what Ah was gonna say was that I'm happy that she was able to change her ways and discovered the magic of friendship. Ah've gotten more and more used to being a friend of hers, but, what I really want to know is what made her the way she was." Said Applejack, with wonder as she strokes her chin with a hand. Rarity is about to say something when the bell rings, and Mrs. Cheerilee walks into the room.

Author's Note:

So far this story is just an idea, and this story is just an idea, and it takes place after Rainbow Rocks. I do not own MLP, or Equestria girls, this is just my idea for a third story.

Comments

[Super57]

Great start.

Love it, Keep it up.

XD

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

thx mon :D

[buddy12]

good start lets see were this goes in the next chapters

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557039 this chapter isnt done yet. i was too tired last night to continue

[buddy12]

5557065 oh i did not know that i though it was

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557149 lolz i make my chapters go from 2.5k words to 5k words.

[buddy12]

5557162 well ether way lets just see were this story goes

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557220 oh its gonna go far. well the length of the story. im probably going to make it about 50k words

[buddy12]

5557245 wow this is going to be a long story lets hope its good

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557264 i hope so too

[Spider]

I never watched equestria girls

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557417 thats sad. but this has nothing to do with those two movies, so you dont need to understand any of it really

[Mosqueefo]

you added your own story to... two horrible story groups....?

[ShadeTail]

This isn't long enough to judge the story itself, so I'll hold off on that. But the basic mechanics of your writing (grammar, spelling, etc.) need some work. Stories should be written in the past tense, rather than present tense. And you have a few fairly blatant misspellings, run-on sentences, and the like. For instance, the second sentence in the story:

She waves to all of her friends she see's, but then again, everyone is Pinkie Pie's friend, so in reality, she waves to every person that steps foot in her peripheral vision.

This is a pretty big run-on sentence. Also, I used red to mark all the problem-words. That sentence would work much better as follows:

She waved to all of her friends she saw. But then again, everyone was Pinkie Pie's friend. So in reality, she waved to every person who stepped foot in her peripheral vision.

Now it's not a run-on sentence, and has proper grammar and spelling. The rest of the chapter needs similar editing.

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557954 kay, thanks for the tip

[hawthornbunny]

I second switching this to past tense. You are consistent with the tense, which is good, but a story like this will definitely benefit from being written in past tense. For example, when I read this:

Otherwise, it feels like this:

To her left is the teachers desk facing the back of the room, about five feet from the black board, against the left wall. The floor is a blue tile, the walls are light blue color with vertical darker blue stripes running up and down the walls. There are a few students scattered around the room, sitting in their respective desks which are white, with brown chairs. AJ, and Rarity being two of these students, sitting a desk apart, column wise. The room is lit up by a few ceiling lights, and the windows at the back of the room.

What will you do?
> EXAMINE DESK
It's an ordinary wooden desk, covered in papers and spare bits of chalk.
> GET CHALK
You can't get the chalk.

It's a good start though. You're descriptive and good at showing Pinkie's motivation, which keeps the reader interested. Keep at it. :)

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5558077 kay thanks

[Elric of Melnipony]

they go on a journey throughout Ponyville, reeking happiness

reek - To have or give off a strong, unpleasant smell.
wreak - To cause, inflict or let out, especially if causing harm or injury.

Words mean things.

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5558542 What would be the correct word then?

[Elric of Melnipony]

5558545
I gave you the definitions (complete with links) and you still have to ask? It's not the one that means "stink".

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5558552 Well I was looking for a certain word, but i wasnt sure exactly as to what it was I've been brain farting a lot okay?

[cheesegal]

great story, cant wait to see more

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5560419 Thx. First chapter isn't even finished yet it's already ranked in the 54k's. I can't wait to finish this story and see how far it goes. I have a feeling that is will be my first story to make it to the feature box. That would make this story like 20% cooler

[cheesegal]

I just thought of something, what if when pinkie sees pinkie, pony pinkie thinks human pinkie is a pinkie that twilight missed when sending the mirror pool pinkies back to the mirror pool and then twilight and pinkie try to send human pinkie to the mirror pool that sentence had a lot of pinkies

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5576293 idk what u said there...but human pinkie becomes pony pinkie and she and the others one pinkie do things that pinkie pie would do. And yeah, when rarity finds out, she meant to send back the human pinkie but they switch places with each other so the original pinkie pie goes to the other world leaving the human pinkie pie behind pretending to bethe other pinkie and pinkie pie's the pinkie pinkie pie as pie pinks the pinkie. Idk...

[Vinyl-ScratchDJ17]

5557833 yes I did. It's a good strategy really. People who look in that group will think it's filled with crappy stories, but if they spot something with a good plot as it seems, it will stick out like a sore thumb and they will have a great urge to read and find its actually a good story.

[cheesegal]

canceled!?! please continue the story, its really good so far and the plot sounds really intresting

[Neildoc]

hey,

by all means keep it up. I'm sort of playing with an "Equestrian Girls in Ponyville" idea.
the Human versions meet their counterparts as is. this should be an amusing tale.