Ponies Meet New York

by Caddy Finz

Chapter 7: So They Hired a Mercenary?

"I thought you knew how to drive this thing!" Rainbow Dash yelled as I once again sideswiped a car parked at the curb.

"I never drove this without fingers before!" I replied. "Cut me some slack, will ya!?"

"No! The more stuff you hit, the more pain you're putting Applejack through!"

"Rainbow, don't ya dare make Vinnie feel bad on mah account!" Applejack shouted after finally recovering from her shock. "He's tryin' best he can to help us all and it ain't right to put more pressure on him!"

"Thanks, Jackie." I said. "I re-*sniff* really appreciate having somepony who's got my back."

"Vincenzo, darling why are you crying?" Rarity asked.

"Girls, I just turned fifty years old. In all those years, I've n-never felt so much p-pressure at one time. I-I mean look, I've got an entire police force after me, six precious lives that I'm responsible for, one of them badly injured, I'm driving a car I can't control, the fuckin' bridge in front of us I was gonna take is closed and now we're almost outta gas!"

It was looking like all the times before when I kept saying we were all gonna be okay, I was just fooling myself. I had never been so close to having a nervous breakdown as I was at this point. The nearest bridge to us was closed due to an accident up ahead and what little dirty gas was left in the tank wasn't gonna last much longer.

"Um, Vinnie?" Fluttershy said as she placed a hoof on my shoulder. "Just take deep breaths, okay? We'll all be just fine."

"Try that breathing exercise Cadence taught us." Twilight said. "Just take it easy, Vinnie. You're not going it alone. Is he, Rainbow?!"

"No, he's not..." Rainbow Dash answered. "I'm sorry, Vinnie."

I can always count on my friends for positive reinforcement. That's one of the countless reasons I'm glad that I have them.

"Okay, okay, gimme a sec." I said as I started to gather mentally gather myself. "Uh, let's see...I bet I could make a three point turn over there...Then I could find the nearest gas station and I bet we could take the Third Avenue Bridge instead. I can see it from here. I don't see any problems over there so I think we can make a go of that."

"See, Vinnie?" Twilight said. "You just needed to take a breather for quiet concentration and already, you've come up with a solution! You're doing fine!"

"Thanks, Sparks! Alright, I'm gonna turn around right here and find a gas stati-ah crap they probably won't accept Equestrian bits! Dammit!"

"Why don't we just write out an IOU on these papers I found?" Pinkie blurted out holding a Benjamin in her hoof.

"What the-where did you find that!?"

"There's a ton of these things in that handy compartment right on front of Twilight! Who is this Franklin guy anyway?"

"He's our ticket to a full tank of gas and getting the hell outta here! Shit, I forgot all about my old cash stash!"

Our endeavor has been full of ups and downs but it seemed that I with the girls by my side could get through just about anything. We're a good team and if we all put our minds to something, the job gets done. We've been through a lot in my three and a half years in Equestria and we have yet to fail to achieve our goals. When a pack of rogue timberwolves started coming too close to the town, we didn't run and hide, we went out there and kicked their asses! When the diamond dog gang came to rob Ponyville's bank, we didn't put our hooves up and hoof over our dough. We banded together and took their sorry asses down! When a corrupt, power hungry tycoon tried to run for mayor, we snooped around until we found what we needed to-

"Is this one of those gas stations we need, dear?" Rarity said as we neared what appeared to be a Shell gas station.

"Yeah, that's it!" I replied. "Good eye, Gem! W-wow, since when did gas get down to two-sixteen a gallon?"

Finally, we were all getting a moment to just chill out and calmly think about where we needed to go next. The gas station we were pulling up into was apparently having a slow day as there were no other customers and I could see the cashier inside the store reading a comic book. Hey, I'm not complaining. We need gas and maybe some food and drinks for the road and we can stand to have fewer people around to see us.

"Okay, Pinks, I need you to go in there and get some snacks and drinks for us. I don't know about you but a couple days without eating is starting to kick my flank. When you get the stuff, hoof this bill to the clerk in there and tell him I'm filling up on pump number two."

"I'll go in with her." Rarity said. "I feel like I need to get up and stretch a bit. Applejack, is there anything you'd like us to get?"

"Some peroxide or somethin' like that and maybe some gauze if'n they got it." Applejack replied. "Thanks, Rares."

Applejack was right. The towel was pretty soaked and the trunk of my car wasn't exactly the most sanitary source to get it from. If we were to prevent her wound from getting infected, we would definitely need an antiseptic and some clean bandages for her. While Pinkie and Rarity went into the store, Rainbow Dash and Twilight got out of the car to keep a look out for trouble. On this particular model, the gas door is behind the rear license plat bracket which shed light on another potential issue. The actual plates were gone if we weren't careful, the cops would see that and pull us over for sure.

Well, we needed the fuel and the food so I just stuck the gas nozzle into the car's backside and started the pump. I planned on completely filling the tank so this would take a little while. For the first time in a long time, I was actually kind of okay with that. To just have a moment to stop and stare felt pretty nice. It was also kind of chilly out on this early spring night and after a day of sweating my flank off with all the running and stress, the cool air was more than welcome. It was also a breath of fresh air to see gas just over two bucks a gallon. I didn't think I'd ever see that again.

Eight gallons in and another eight to go. Call me crazy if you want but I didn't really want it to end as quickly as it was about to. Just as we were getting some time to loaf around and relax in the cool night air, it was about to be yanked away by the cold hard fact that we needed to get this over with. It's a shame. The clerk inside the store seems to be having one hell of a great time at work taking selfies with Pinkie and Rarity. It certainly beats having him call the cops on us.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Jimmy!" Rarity said to the cashier as she and Pinkie came out of the store with bags of snacks and drinks.

"Thanks for talking me out of buying those so-called hot dogs!" Pinkie added.

"Hey thanks for stopping in!" The clerk called back. "You two really made my day! See ya around!"

Well, it's not every day when a couple of talking equines trot into your store to buy stuff and with a dull, boring life he must lead, I'd probably be pretty thrilled with it myself. Rarity got back into the car to pass around the snacks and drinks while Pinkie joined me by the gas pump to keep me company out there. Good thing, because I was just about to need an extra hoof in a moment.

"There he is!" A familiar voice said from a police car that had just stopped on the curb. "That's the talking horse that pounded my face!"

"Jeez, he musta hit ya harder than we thought." Another cop said. "After this is over, I'll ask the Sarge if ya can take a couple weeks off."

Oh how lovely, our old pal Officer Glen is back for another round. The younger guy who was with him before wasn't here now and the guy who was there looked to be a more senior member of the department. I as well as the girls are in no mood to deal with these clowns right now so I figured I'd let them know when the timing is right.

"I'm telling the truth! That pony talked to me! I-it said something in Italian and then started speaking English again!"

"And I'm telling you that you've probably got a concussion and need to get this through your head! Ponies...can't...tal-"

"Do you mind?" I called over to them. "Some of us like to pump their gas in peace! Deficienti cazzo!"

I love to see the looks on people's faces when things like this happen. Officer Glen looked more smug about proving the other wrong than surprised this time. To see a guy about my age looking like he'd just seen something he simply couldn't fathom and would have a hard time believing for quite some time was delicious. I couldn't help but crack a smug smirk myself as his cigarette dropped out of his mouth as it hung wide open. Sadly, all good things come to an end and after regaining his composure, the older officer grabbed the mic on his radio before slowly driving off.

"Dispatch, this is Car B-182." The officer said. "We got a 10-14 on multiple equines on the loose at the shell station on Third Avenue! We're gonna need a professional for this one! Get a hold of animal control and get the Dark Star over here!"

"Yeah, yeah bring 'em on!" I shouted. "As pissed off as I am right now, nobody wants to fuck with me and my friends! Nobody!"

Who would have thought members of the NYPD would drive away like cowards? I'm three feet tall from the bottom of my hooves to the top of my head and these guys are calling for some kind of pro to deal with me. I know I shouldn't be gloating at a time like this but I couldn't help it. Little did I know however, I was soon to find out that I was once again breaking one of my own rules; Letting my guard down.

"Dark Star? Who's that?" Pinkie asked as the police car drove out of sight.

"Hell if I know, Pinks." I replied. "But whoever this punk is, we can take 'em."

"I dunno, Vinnie. I've got a bad feeling about this and when I've got a bad feeling, something really bad is about to hap-uh, I think I spoke too soon. Look!"

Sure enough, a new formidable foe in the form of a big white van rolled down the street towards us and stopped directly in front of us. As we predicted, the van had "NYC Animal Control" painted on the side along with big amber colored light bars on top. At first I wasn't so sure why Pinkie of all ponies was as nervous as she was but the "KILNPETZ" license plate was enough to make me reconsider a bit. I was actually starting to hope the gas pump was done for once.

The van just sat there as I continued to fuel up our getaway ride. The driver just sat there puffing away at his cigar as if he just didn't care that we were here. I couldn't actually see his face because it was so dark out but being a non-smoker really heightens one's sense of smell. At long last, a big fat cigar butt was flicked out the window of the van and the door slowly opened.

In all my years living in New York, I saw the average, every day, run of the mill animal control officer in action all the time but this creep was something else. He was a heavy but somewhat muscular guy who looked to be in his mid forties with a balding head and a big scar over his left eye. On his belt, hung just about any kind of gadget and wacky little doohickey imaginable and the goggles he had resting on his forehead looked like something out of a 1980s science fiction movie. We were dealing with somebody who was a little overly passionate about their job.

"Who the hell does this guy think he is? Dog the fuckin' bounty hunter?" I said as the guy stood motionless about fifteen yards away.

This guy was making me nervous. He just stood there leering at me and sizing me up. At this point, we were both staring each other down until he finally made the first move. He reached over his shoulder and pulled some kind of baton from behind his back. At first I thought it was a beating implement of sorts until he pressed a small red button on the device making it telescope out into a pretty fancy looking catch pole.

As nervous as I was, it was now my turn to attempt to look intimidating.

"Here, Pinks, finish pumping the gas." I said as took a few steps towards our foe. "I'll take care of this prick."

Just to start off my little charade, I blew a few good snorts out of my nose and began pawing at the ground, making like I was about to charge. It wasn't a complete lie because If I needed to do so, I would. It was his turn again. He reached into one of the several dozen pockets on his belt and pulled out a small, black, cylinder shaped object and it too had a red button on it. As expected, he pressed said button and the object then telescoped into triple its original length and now had two prongs on one end. I had a bad feeling about this one. Well, my feeling was proved correct as the crazy bastard again pressed the red button revealing the device to be an electronic cattle prod.

I know for a fact that I can't top that one but I'm gonna try anyway just for the sake of stalling for time to think. Precious time that I was running dangerously low on. The only thing I could think of to keep this macho man contest going was to stand up on my hind legs and show how fast I could punch with my front hooves. Those boxing lessons with Rainbow Dash just might come in handy here. Still though, I knew who the winner of this "dick measuring" contest was and it sure as hell wasn't me. I never truly won one fair and square but that was mostly because I'd end up cheating by whipping out a gun. Those days are long gone though.

The girls watched as I and our threat took turns making ourselves look tough while Pinkie was still pumping fuel into the car. Jeez, will that tank ever be full? It appeared as though things were wrapping up as the psycho dog catcher began limbering up. He was doing so because he was about to start a chase so I quickly took the hint and followed suit. I did some stretches and started a little gallop in place to warm up for what was to come next.

"Pinks?" I said as I prepared to make a gallop for it.

"Yeah, Vinnie?" Pinkie answered.

"The second the pump stops, put the nozzle back and get in the car, okay?"

"Got it."

"Good, because I'm about to show this jackass how us ponies travel downtown!"

We were off! I bolted towards the other side of the gas station in hopes of getting him to follow me and by the time I got back to the car he'd be tired out. The guy's a bit chunky but he's not a total lard ass. Over all, he's pretty stocky and probably does better with power rather than speed and agility. I wasn't prepared for what I saw as I looked over my shoulder and learned that my theory was dead wrong.

"Santo merda!" I shouted as the loop of the man's catch pole narrowly missed getting wrapped around my neck.

What was happening just emphasized the age old lesson of "never judge a book by its cover" and If I didn't pick up the pace, it would prove to be a deadly mistake. Now, when I say "deadly" I mean this crazy motherfucker looks like he wants to mount me on his wall. No joke. I had no choice but to gallop as fast as my little legs would carry me. I had smoke free lungs and equine stamina working in my favor but fifty years of being around working against me. Though my age only affected my speed minimally, this so called "Dark Star" dude didn't seem to have much trouble keeping up.

"For the love of Luna's sweet, luscious flank, somepony help me!!" I screamed as I made it back to the front side of the convenience store, the Dark Star in hot pursuit.

Before my friends could so much as glance at my attacker and I, we darted right past out of their sight once again. As I neared the back side of the store, I took one more look behind me to see that I had apparently outrun the Dark Star. This was it! Back by the front, I saw that Pinkie was finished fueling up the car! All I had to do was hop in when I got back and we were good to go! Just around the corner and...

"Come to papa, pony!" The Dark Star yelled as I came around the corner.

The prick tricked me by turning around and coming back to the front of the building to wait for me to come right back to him. It was sneaky, dirty, crooked but I'll give him that, it was damn clever. The only thing I could do was try my best to turn right back around and hightail it but coming to a stop from galloping at full pace was easier said than done. As far as I was concerned, the bastard's got me. As I slid on my hooves for one last attempt to escape, the Dark Star bolted after me with the loop on his catch pole ready to close around my neck. It would take a miracle to help me out of this one.

As fate would have it, the crazed dog catcher somehow managed to slip on something causing his catch pole to move right out of my path in the nick if time. I finally came to a halt about five yards from where the Dark Star had fallen flat on his face. That's where I saw my savior in the form of the store clerk standing in the front doorway with an empty shampoo bottle in his hand and a mysterious green puddle on the ground that the Dark Star was now lying in.

"Oops! Did I do that?" Jimmy the clerk said as he placed a "wet floor" warning sign next to our fallen foe.

"Thanks, Jimbo!" Pinkie said as I jumped into the car and cranked it over.

"Anytime, Pinks!"

"Don't forget to write, dear!" Rarity said. "And keep the change!"

Within no time at all, we were gone. I looked back in the rear view mirror to see the Dark Star just start to get back on his feet while Jimmy nonchalantly mopped up the spill around him. We were on our way to Manhattan and ultimately Central Park as we were now cruising on the Third Avenue bridge. Once we find that fountain that lead me to Equestria, we're home free!

"Hey Vinnie?" Rainbow Dash asked as we entered the bridge. "What was that that you said back there?"

"What, you mean 'santo merda'?" I replied. "That means 'holy shit' in Italian."

"No, I mean what was that about Princess Luna's butt? Got something to tell us?"

"Oh shut up, Cloud."

Author's Note:

Attention, DarkStarz. Senpai has noticed you

Comments

[DarkStarz]

*Le me is reading* *takes a drink* *Sees name* *spits out water*

[Caddy Finz]

6900087 you like?

[DarkStarz]

6900551 hah yep! :D

[Flutters Is Shy]

What is with all these crazy people that see a talking, obviously sapient being and think "Yeah, I'm going to treat this alien like it's nothing more than an animal. There is no possible way I could screw over my entire planet with my actions."

Vinnie literally has royalty in his car, if Celestia wanted to go conversion bueroue(however the hell you spell that...) on them like she did Vinnie... I think she'd be slightly justified at current...

[sansjr]

7083551
hmmmmmmmmmmm.............
what about discord though?