That day…everything changed. Princess Twilight Sparkle became our Queen. I’ve heard rumors she’s been having trouble holding onto power. But it’s not from a resistance or an outside threat.
It's from her friends.
Rarity looked down at the logs on her desk. Sure enough, everypony had taken care of their pets, exercised, and gone to sleep at the right time. But she knew some of them were lying. At first, Twilight's idea of monitoring everypony's lives seemed like a good one. Now, Rarity wasn't so sure.
Twilight was still hurting. She wasn't seeing clearly what she was doing to Equestria.
Inspired by the song 'Hail to the Queen' by navybrony.
Author's Note:
Please keep in mind that I was in the seventh grade when I wrote this.
Edited by: Tamil Tiger, Alai20
New chapters will be posted every Sunday.
Please, please, please post any grammatical errors and punctuation errors I made. That helps a lot!
Grim story, really grim. I am curious just what her friends will do though, from the two we see they seem to be keeping there heads down.
You should put the "Background Character" tag.
Just curious, but how long did this chapter take to write?
Also how many chapters will there be?
5494202
The Background Character tag isn't on there because Bee Bop, Sun Glimmer and Twinkleshine are only seen in the first chapter. The next chapter and all the rest are from Twilight's POV.
I'm not really sure about how long it took to write. Maybe a week off and on?
There will be seven chapters.
Thanks for commenting!
Some really cool dystopia stuff here. The part of having to keep and submit logs of your actions is especially FUBAR.
Wow. Got really dark compared to your previous releases.
Interesting concept, and I appreciate the ambiguity in the details, since "Twilight turns into a tyrant" is not exactly a new premise, so it's better to have an air of mystery than just follow the usual paths that these stories take.
A lot of the content is disjointed or has awkward pacing. One moment they're talking to AJ, the next moment they're dead? As endpoints, those work fine, but what's in between felt a bit rushed. I imagine you tried to follow the lyrics as closely as you could, and while you did capture the song's atmosphere, I suggest not trying to do it "word for word." A songfic should be an adaptation of a song in prose, instead of just "writing the same thing, but with words."
One really good thing you had going, however, was the ambiguity about the source of Twilight's twisted rule. Is it her friends' fault, or her own? Some of the evidence suggests the former, others suggest the latter. I wish you had explored it a little more, but the glimpses I got were interesting enough. Same goes for the fate of Celestia and Luna.
Overall: well done! Could have used a bit more work, but not a bad read.
Uh oh...Pinkamena...
You know, nothing is worse than being betrayed by your friends. Except when there right. Keep it up, this is a good story.
That it? Figured there would be jail time or more severe reprocussions. Twilight had Ponys killed.