It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and tonight, Scootaloo is alone. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are celebrating with their own families, and the filly's father is at a Hearth's Warming Eve party. Scootaloo wonders if somepony will come to help her, or if she will spend this usually joyous evening in a solemn silence.
Author's Note:
Keep in mind that I was in the sixth grade when I wrote this.
Cover Art Source
Edited by Tamil Tiger.
Please, please, please post any grammatical errors and punctuation errors I made. That helps a lot!
Chapters (1)
Beautiful. I'd love to read this again around Christmas. It might make for a good heartwarmer in the cold.
Wonderful little story! The daws intensify!
One small suggestion. While it didn't actually make the reading experience any less enjoyable, I know it will put some off. You might consider breaking up the story into paragraphs, leaving full spaces between dialogue and action, ect.
Other then that I think is absolutely perfect! Even more impressive seeing as its your first posted story! Hope to see more epicness from you in the future!
10/10 Would Like/Favorite/Read Again
4423644 Thanks so much!
For your suggestion I actually had never noticed what you said about the paragraphs. Thanks for pointing that out, since this is posted from a master Word Document, and then I manually have to go in on FIMFiction and indent. I didn't know if they would show up as individual paragraphs. I'll fix that.
Thanks so much for the high rating!
So when I saw 6th grader, combined with "Scootaloo is Lonely on Hearthswarming Eve" i prepared myself for a badly written mess of cliches that ended with Scoots and Dash curled up by the fire.....but then I read it and this was good
I agree that the formatting (some space between the lines etc) would make it easier to read, but I didn't notice any spelling or grammar problems. Good Fic 
4426685 Thanks!
The only thing you made a bit of a mistake with is the fact that her scooter is powered my her wings, not usually her legs. But besides that, good story. Not what I expected from a sixth grader.
4435240 I don't know why I never noticed that. I have no idea what went through my mind as I wrote that.
I guess I thought Scootaloo was a human.
Thanks for pointing that out!
Very cute!
4591441 Thank you!
Youngster , be proud of your work, it is better than some I have read here.
Please take an old teachers suggestion and show this to your sixth grade English teacher, as well as whoever you have for English in the seventh grade. Sad to say it is getting harder and harder to find students operating at this level today. Looking forward to more of your work.
B.D.
4591545 Thank you.
I did give the link to this story to my English teacher, but unfortunately, it was on the last day of school and I haven't seen her since.
I'll see if I can show this to my seventh grade English teacher. I've heard some rumors about her and would like to get a better feel on who she is before telling her about this.
Thanks again.
It's not everyday you find this kind of talent at your age. Of course the story isn't perfect, not many are, but it's a good deal better than a lot I've read.
I would strongly urge you to continue practicing, improve your flow, formatting, any grammar you might miss in the editing, and for god's sake, keep writing!
4592310 Thanks!
I was just writing a new story when I noticed someone had commented on Lonely Heath's Warming and checked it out. Thanks for reading it and commenting!
My thoughts exactly...
On a more serious note: I must admit, I started reading this story with a negative attitude after all those "warning signs" in the short description, expecting something poorly written with zero good ideas. But now that I've finished it...
Wow... just wow...
I can't remember what sort of nonsense popped out of my head when I was in 6th grade, but I'm almost certain it was nowhere near as good as this story. Phenomenal work, and not just compared to your age. Yes, there are flaws, and the story isn't exactly anything we haven't seen before (what is these days?), but the execution itself is more than up to par. Subtlety, mood, emotions... it's all there. The ending feels a bit rushed, and the writing overall has yet to develop, but aside from that there isn't anything major that I'd point out.
Going back to that section I quoted, it actually happens to be the part that had me sold on this story. For one, the humor is a nice touch and adds a little variety to the tone, not to mention it answered the question I was about to ask here (i.e "why the hay would these streamers need such a safety law anyway?") More importantly, though, it's almost like a reference to the whole "everything happens for a reason" idea. In other words: the "stupid safety law" really was meant to be there to make sure Scootaloo had an excuse to have Rainbow Dash stay with her, since otherwise she would have been to shy to ask. Call it "fate", if you will...
Anyway, that part alone put this fic into the "good read" box in my heart, and the rest of it is just as satisfying to read. Thank you for the pleasant experience!
4647939
Thank you!
*dies*
FYI, all the warnings in the description were there because an earlier story I had out on FIMFiction bombed because I never said what age I was and now I wanted everyone to be completely sure I was in the sixth grade.
Okay, that line was put in there on a whim. I had reread it and had thought the same question you had. I was trying to lighten the mood a little by putting that in there, and I'm glad it made the story for you.
To quote you,
It was a random chance of fate I put that in there.
Whoa...
I had never seen it as 'fate' that Rainbow and Scootaloo had that moment together. Thanks for showing me that.
Poor guy who died to let them have that.
I do agree the ending felt rushed, and I'll keep that in mind when writing other stories.
No, no, thank you! You were the one who read it AND wrote a comment AND made it a wonderful review!
Thanks for the watch and favorite!
Thank you so much.
This is actually realy good, all things considered.
Thumb and added to my recommendation group.
4648998 Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
4648590
My pleasure! I know people love lengthy comments (well, I do, at least...), so I try to leave them whenever I can...
Looking forward to more of your work!
Daw. That was a sweet story.
4787080 Thank you!
I have reviewed this HERE.
Aw come on! I thought that this was going to be a Rainbow Dash adopts Scootaloo story!