midnight blaze00
Joined 2nd Jul, 2014 ·
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I agree.
more
5498944
We will see...
I can edit for you. Your grammar needs some help, bro.
Haven't read the story yet, but I have read the summary and you might want to cut out the "To learn more, READ THE DANG BUCKING STORY!!!!!
If that's ok with you?" bit. That kind of thing in a summary or synopsis always makes the writer look like a twit.
5498992
I really hope so because my grammar....lets not talk about it. I would love the help though.
5498996
noted
Okay, now I've given the story itself a quick look and you definitely need an editor for grammar and structure. You probably also want to pick either first or third person and stick with it. Making both work requires finesse to keep it from being jarring and disrupting the narrative flow, and, not to be insulting or anything, you're very lacking in finesse at the moment.
5499005
This is true. I just wanted to see which view would work the best for me. Also the editor thing, I will find one soon.
5499000 Okay good, because you totaly fucked your grammar.
5500103
Yup.
Geez...no love for the comments box...
Dam you cliff hanger OK Im hooked more please
Hey....sorry about the lack of chapters but I'm having comp problems. I've got maybe 3 new chapters written in my journal for you all. So it will be worth the wait I believe. Again, really sorry about the wait.
Please forgive and stay ahead of the dislikes, and I will se what I can do.
Like it more please!
5609613
I have more but, typing sucks and I don't have an editor. Thanks for reading it though!
Happy Hearts and Hooves day everyone!
But of course! No one comments after 3 days. Ok Time to start writing another chapter....
Stay duh...also, if you need any help, you could ask me for help. This story seems great so far. (If not a little confusing on certain parts)
5658975
Cool. That's kinda how I wanted it. As for the help, I will definitely ask if I need it. As for the confusing parts, could you give me some examples?
5659068
The points where it's switching who says what between three (it's happened twice unless I'm missing some text from not wearing my glasses...) and a few moments that say what's happening seems to be a bit off. Like one is laying down on their back and then it's sounding like they are standing up the next instant. (Twice, during the train I notice something like that)
5659165
Gimme a sec and ill check that out.
5659181
Ok. If you don't see it let me know and I'll go over it again SLOWLY this time, and see if it happens for me again and say where if i see it again.
If it was just me I'm sorry about that in advance
5659195
Ok so I found the one on the train, but it might take me a bit to find the others.
5659230
got very confused there...
I remember one being around the point with falcon gold and iaziah seeing their pony forms in twilights mirror. But that's the three talking without explaining which ones was the third, or changed, or something.
5659564
Yeah there was a link showing their pony forms and their reactions but I don't think anyone could get to it. I don't know how to get the actual pics in there, just the link for google docs
5659599
I saw it. Gotta say golds look doesn't match him...as a pinkie double...but he seemed the coolest looking of the three.
5659688
True but that's the point. It shows that any pony, no matter what they look like, can be just a crazy as pinkie pie.
5660829
Nice. Did you make them?
5661144
Yep. A friend told me about it and ordered me to do it. Needless to say, it was kind of fun.
FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!
5664468
don't worry about it I'm already working on another chapter. Thanks for reading though!
I know right?
5664498 cool beans
Nice chapter. Loved the cold shower moment too
What concerns ME is if gold and pinkie will TEAR A HOLE IN SPACE AND TIME!!!!
Actually...that might be funny...
Don't judge my humor...
5708484
Oh they just might...
But that's another chapter
5708529
yaaaayyy
Hopefully it's soon
I would love to see golds and pinkies antics...
oh god....THE PRANK WAR THAT COULD HAPPEN BETWEEN THEM WOULD BE APOCALYPTIC!!!!!!!!
5708572
5708588
You heard nothing...
5708592
I KNOW NUH-ZING!!!!!! (nothing)
5708622
Good. Your reward is....another chapter!
5709536
yaaaaayyy
Lol. Great chapter
5710950
Thanks! I have another coming real soon.
The shipping ship has just shipped off people!
5711296
Got that right!
Great chapter! Many feels
5713265
Thanks! I'm just getting out as many chapters before the writer's block hits me.
5713281 lol noooo the evil writers block
5713287
EEYUP