- Member Since 11th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen April 2nd
Pusspuss
Just an artist here, but sometimes I write about pony plots.
Pusspuss
Joined 11th Sep, 2014 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Pusspuss · 206k words · 2,332 85 · 26k views
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Looking forward to chapter 2 >w< sounds nice and romantic so far.
A simple romance. I like it! Looking forward to part 2.
Seems quite promising so far. Pretty simple and direct, but still interesting and endearing thus far.
Looking forward to seeing how her confession plays out!
Looking forward to more!
A good start to the story pusspuss. :)
Btw, I thought there would be clop in this chapter. I am disappointed, for now. >:)
There are quite a few errors in spelling, grammar not so much. You need a better editor, and I would like to nominate myself.
If you need help with anything just let me know. I've been told my stories specialize in the lewd, so if you need help especially with the clop, don't hesitate to ask me. You can read my FoE fic for an example. *shameless self promoting*
Also pusspuss,it is an unspoken rule that all artists, especially one with your talent, illustrate the clop scenes in their own stories. Its a tradition, so DON'T question it just DO IT :DDD
Looking forward to seeing it on FA.....hehehhe
Didn't see all that many spelling and grammar errors (though there were some that snuck through - e.g., "over do" should be "overdue"). Most of the errors were in word usage. (e.g., "main" when you meant to write "mane," "threw" when you meant to write "through," and "waist" when you meant to write "waste" - funny, usually that last one is the other way around...)
Still, this is a pretty good start, and I'm looking forward to more.
Ok did anyone else laugh a little when Lyra was ranting on about how much she loved this guy and how much she loved his hands? Haha classic anyways I found this adorable I think bon bon is a great friend and would always have your back if she was your friend and I swear to God if that guy breaks my favorite human obsessed ponies heart...there's gonna be one less human in equestria
And wait you paint?..Wow sir/madam I must say you got talent I've seen writers write this stuff before but this got me in my heart your really good at showing friendship and generosity all in one story well done! Your a great painter and writer!
230 degrees isn't even in the soft ball stage(240-245) which is the minimum stage for making the candy known as caramel(not to be confused with Caramelized sugar which doesn't start until 320 degrees and is perfect at precisely 338 degrees) though some prefer it to be in the firm ball stage(245-250) for their caramels, as it makes a chewier treat.
5471001
The more you know~
nicely written so far, just a few little errors left.
here's to hoping for some lyrabon in the future
Great story, and I can overlook some small grammar and spelling mistakes.
Definitely looking forward to the update!
My dear Author,
Would you like another editor, to catch all the admittedly small mistakes that were left in the story?
~ARTL
5470847 Wow that was a lot of silly stuff that I should have caught on my own. Well thank you for pointing them out. I went back and fixed them. Next time I will try to be more careful.
5471001 Whoops. Not sure why put it at 230, but I went back and fixed it for you. I was using a recipe I used and even that didn't say 230. Not sure what I was thinking.
5470916 Hehe, I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far, I'm curious to see what you think about chapter 2 when its up.
5471806 I would, but I got a few others that are helping me now. Thank you for the offer though.
5472036 there we go, the story is much more palatable now that that candy catastrophe has been corrected
I wanna see more of this.
Watched.
People might say it's overdone, but I love human/Lyra stories.
i love it well done
This is going to be so cute. Lyra as lovestruck and Bon playing the part of a dour friend just feels like such a good fit.
Seems promising.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
A simple, yet cute shipping with a human and Lyra. Seems great so far.
Care to continue?
----------------------------
-REVIEW TIME-
I didn't see any grammar mistakes, or perhaps I missed some, but you are doing good so far! Keep going, I think you can wrap up this more.
5474293 You mean make it shorter? Did you think it was too long? And thank you!
5474350 That's... not what I meant. What I really meant was that you have a nice story here. Play your cards right and you might have an awesome story.
5474369 Oh well thank you! I hope what I have planed out is enjoyable for everyone. Chapter 2 is in the process of being edited, and chapter 3 is being written right now, so we will soon see if what I got is good enough hehe.
5474381 Compared to other stories, yeah, yours is much better.
5474381
Other than making sure to clearly mark and make it easy to skip over the inevitable upcoming horse porn, I can't think of much that you could be doing better. I didn't even notice any really blatant grammar or spelling mistakes. Be more confident! :-)
5474694 I will make the more sexy parts skiable. I know not everyone here likes that kind of stuff, so it will be in its own chapter.
5474713
Couldn't ask for more. I hope chapter 2 is finished soon.
I really like this, it's a human x Lyra that hits all of the right notes, out of the gate no less.
Just a few mistakes. Depending on how many there were originally, I think your editor did a good job. He/she really just needs to pick up some experience with editing and he/she will do great. If you need any help, I'm not too busy, though.
Amazing art by the way!
Could be good. Setup is a bit generic, but that hardly tells us much about the rest of the story.
5478226 Where did the chapter go!
Hm? How come this is at the top of my most recent updated stories?
5478667
Sorry its back up. I am not sure what happened ^^;
5478606
It's up! Sorry I'm not sure what happened. I'm still trying to figure this site out.
Ooh, I hope their is some issues that come up becuase he still kind of sees them as horses. He's trying, but it's tough. Would be some good drama.
5478715
one mistake i spotted.
"thigh warm hug"
supposed to be tight warm hug
>w< I want moar! It's so nice having a simple romance for once. Keep up the good work.
There was only one or two errors I could spot: one early in the story where you mixed up there and their, and near the end where you mixed up were and where
Edit: looking back, pretty much every instance of "where" in the chapter needs to be replaced by "were", apart from the one involving the nightmare-horse's skin and the one about where he left off in his book.
5478843
holy shit how did i miss that! :OOOO
Honestly, I've seen some atrocious grammar on this site but there's none of that here. Sure, it could use some polishing but the story is simple and satisfying thus far. Have a fave and like, sir.
I've been looking for a good lyre romance story for a long time, and I think that I have finally found one!
I'm not terribly happy about that update, at the moment. The way you wrote Chris' inner conflict there was almost like going down a checklist of every clichéd emotional hangup that HiE romance fics like to force their protagonists to uncritically accept, so that they can exploit it for cheap interpersonal conflict and easy "character development" that doesn't actually require the effort of developing the character. That's either amazingly unoriginal or an elaborate setup for something that you're planning to do later. It really better be the second option.
Ahem. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Passes out from Squee-overload*
this is rather adorable, I look forward to reading the next chapter
5479225
Doesn't matter if it's cliche so long as it's plausible. If I was stuck in a world full of alien chicks I was trying not to be attracted to, I'd probably delude myself with thoughts like that. Granted, I've never tried to NOT be attracted before, so don't quote me on that.