- Member Since 25th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 9th, 2016
Friendlyapples
I have super awesome logic. Your mind will be blown. -watch out for my insanity-
Friendlyapples
Joined 25th Sep, 2013 ·
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Eh, I feel like there could be a lot more to this story. The idea is there, but the execution feels incomplete.
5468637 I'll agree on that point. It's a very good thick outline, but needs a little more development to flesh it out.
To author - Well done, You've hit a lot of good points and the concept is very real feeling. It still needs some fluffing out, particularly in the regions of the character descriptions and relations. Such as exactly who is Sunday Delight, or did you mean Sundae (as in the dessert) Delight? You establish her as the young first granddaughter of Pinkie's parents, but leave out who her parent's are. The most logical seems to be Limestone Pie, but who is the sire? You don't develop a lot of the relationship connections needed to connect the piece, as they can help define Maud's loss of that relationship to her own foal's sire.
Keep up the good work.
Aw I thought it was a good short story. Could be alittle longer but it lingered just the right amount. Loved it
5471481 Yeah, I definitely get what you guys are saying. I kinda did feel like I left the readers hanging when it came to the character relations. That's something I could do better in when I write future stories. Thank you for pointing that out.
I think I did meant Sundae Delight. duh.
5472813 Your welcome and I await your next submission.
I'll be watching.
5473639 I'm glad to hear it!
I don't understand this why did marvel interrupt her, I can understand if Sunday wasn't her kid but she is her kid, if she wants to honestly tell her daughter how babies are made whose marvel to stop her it's not her kid it's Pinky so