pinkie and the newcomer of the herd, The Stache
Human world Twilight goes through the portal after doing her research on it when pony Twilight went through it the first time. The six friends in the human world have to get her back to where she belongs, but what if she doesnt want to go back to the human world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Please continue this story.
I was looking for a fic like this. Keep it up please,
Not an original concept, but lets see how you execution is.
Mmmmh interesting.
(I don't want to make you feel discouraged about writing, this is for your improvement,) but this story feels--unrealistic to say. It's a bit in the pacing but mostly in the way that the characters react to situations.
This especially happens when you point out that Sunset was already noticing that Twilight was behaving strange. Yet when Twilight tells them that she's never seen them in her life, they brush it off as a joke, instead of (atleast Sunset) cluing in. I mean really, they might of noticed that she was wearing glasses, but they probably just had a brain-fart.
Also, just a quick tip to make your story look more professional, make sure the space out the paragraphs like I have in this comment, it just looks nicer and less cluttered. (Then again, that's just personal preference.)
Pretty decent, fix the grammar and spelling mistakes though.
Great story!!!
COME ON!!! Upload a new chapter already!!!
This was an very interesting start. I hope you decide/find time to continue it.
And thuse the portal closes. The Princess of Friendship annouces that she has secretly had a twin sister and the return of an old Equestrian Citizen. Spike also now has a twin but isn't at witty or charming when it comes to charming the ladies.
Still waitin' for that new chapter...
Continue and update please soon.
As if