Falling Feathers

Fluttershy knew that she should have stayed in her room,that she shouldn't go up into that nasty storm to help rainbow dash.Now,she has to face the consequences...

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 8 )

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ElectricEpicEmily

ElectricEpicEmily #1 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · · Epilogue ·

Okay.It was only my first story but I will defiantly make the second one better,mabye even edit this one if I have time.

Elric of Melnipony

Elric of Melnipony #2 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · · Epilogue ·

room,that
dash.Now,she

There should always be a space after a period or a comma.

rainbow dash

A proper noun -- such as the name of a person (or pony) should always be capitalized.

I will defiantly make the second one better

defiantly - In a defiant manner.
defiant - Boldly resisting opposition. Synonym: rebellious.
Not to be confused with definitely - Without question and beyond doubt.

ElectricEpicEmily

ElectricEpicEmily #3 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · · Epilogue ·

Thanks!Sorry about that.I'm a little new and the Rainbow Dash thing was autocorrected.

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #4 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · · Epilogue ·

Was a good story for what it was, it's only real fault was its length. Both chapters could easily have been 1,500 to 2,000 words longer by adding descriptions and feelings.

The only other errors were small grammar ones, spacings and punctuation marks that other people have pointed out.

As first stories go this very brave territory to tread, and it made fir a refreshing read. Have a follow from me

Pankrazius

Pankrazius #5 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · · Epilogue ·

The story had an interesting offset - even if I don't like stories containing character death that much.
It was far to fast paced in my opinion - the topic is worth far more. Think of it like a film: It would consist of barely two scenes and about three or four camera-angles.
Especially the second chapter - the characters emotions were shallow. Given you have seen the show complete - how do you imagine would the Main Six react in such a situation?
(For the cemetary/grave I would suggest following: You won't see ponies die in the show. But they are not immortal. If i read correctly, you give, there is no such a thing like a cemetary in Ponyville. I think there could be a cemetary very well. But for Fluttershy - after all an Element Bearer - they would errect a monument.

On the technical side:

Sorry, but your writing is not the best. Try to use spaces after punctuation. Really - it's not meant as an offense. Its just ardous to read. Even if the story being told is the thing that matters - a propper grammar, or the way how you tell your story is important.

If you have trouble with auto-correcting: As you can do your editing/formatting here, grab a simple free plain-text-editor (using kate for myself, but that is a matter of choice - and OS).

Then a last question: Is english your native language or not? Either here - not meant as offense, but as a help. My first language isn't english - but even I recognized a lot of spelling / time (don't know the correct word) errors. Either you write something in present or past. But stick to one form. And maybe search for a proof-reader who can help you to fulfill your imagination of your story.

PegaSeraph