Falling Feathers

by ElectricEpicEmily

Epilogue

Rainbow stood silently at flutters funeral.It was being held at the usually joyful park,which had been turned to a depressing site to the eyes.She stood in between pinkie and AJ.Pinkie was bawling her eyes out and AJ's were glossed over,looking like she would start bawling right next to pinkie any moment now.Twilights head was down,rarity was muttering about how she didn't deserve it,spike was just looking at the coffin,no expression on his face.

"And now,some of FlutterShys closest friend will speak."Mayor Mare said,casting a glance at the five.Twilight decided to be brave and go first."Fluttershy was one of my dearest friends.She was the sweetest,kindest, gentlest pony around.I will always cherish the adventures we shared,the memories we had,the times we spent together.This loss has taken a toll on all of us here today,for it is a loss of a fellow friend,element bearer,and to me,a sister.I lost a sister today.Fluttershy,I will always remember you.I will carry the memories we shared to my grave."

The crowd silently applauded as AJ stood up next to twilight."Me and Fluttershy were never really close.That doesn't mean that she wasn't a close,dear,personal friend.When you needed a shoulder to cry on,she was that shoulder.She would listen to you complain and whine and never get fed up with you.I don't have much to say,but like twilight said,I will cherish our memories together,Fluttershy."

As each of us spoke,it finally came time for me too speak.I slowly walked down the line of my friends till I got to the very end."Ur,..hello every pony.The reason Fluttershy is dead is because of me.I wasn't fast enough.I could've yelled out or tackled her or...something!Instead,she's dead and it's my fault.We were so close!I miss her so much!Im never going to forgive my self!"I cried and flew off,tears streaming down my cyan face

Here I am now,standing at her cobblestone grave in our first official cemetery.I drop the yellow roses I was carrying at the graves edge."Sorry for not being fast enough." I murmur and take one last glance at the tombstone.

Fluttershy
2002-2014
Loved friend and element bearer
"Never stop believing."

Comments

[ElectricEpicEmily]

Okay.It was only my first story but I will defiantly make the second one better,mabye even edit this one if I have time.

[Elric of Melnipony]

room,that
dash.Now,she

There should always be a space after a period or a comma.

rainbow dash

A proper noun -- such as the name of a person (or pony) should always be capitalized.

I will defiantly make the second one better

defiantly - In a defiant manner.
defiant - Boldly resisting opposition. Synonym: rebellious.
Not to be confused with definitely - Without question and beyond doubt.

[ElectricEpicEmily]

Thanks!Sorry about that.I'm a little new and the Rainbow Dash thing was autocorrected.

[Dusk Melody]

Was a good story for what it was, it's only real fault was its length. Both chapters could easily have been 1,500 to 2,000 words longer by adding descriptions and feelings.

The only other errors were small grammar ones, spacings and punctuation marks that other people have pointed out.

As first stories go this very brave territory to tread, and it made fir a refreshing read. Have a follow from me

[Pankrazius]

The story had an interesting offset - even if I don't like stories containing character death that much.
It was far to fast paced in my opinion - the topic is worth far more. Think of it like a film: It would consist of barely two scenes and about three or four camera-angles.
Especially the second chapter - the characters emotions were shallow. Given you have seen the show complete - how do you imagine would the Main Six react in such a situation?
(For the cemetary/grave I would suggest following: You won't see ponies die in the show. But they are not immortal. If i read correctly, you give, there is no such a thing like a cemetary in Ponyville. I think there could be a cemetary very well. But for Fluttershy - after all an Element Bearer - they would errect a monument.

On the technical side:

Sorry, but your writing is not the best. Try to use spaces after punctuation. Really - it's not meant as an offense. Its just ardous to read. Even if the story being told is the thing that matters - a propper grammar, or the way how you tell your story is important.

If you have trouble with auto-correcting: As you can do your editing/formatting here, grab a simple free plain-text-editor (using kate for myself, but that is a matter of choice - and OS).

Then a last question: Is english your native language or not? Either here - not meant as offense, but as a help. My first language isn't english - but even I recognized a lot of spelling / time (don't know the correct word) errors. Either you write something in present or past. But stick to one form. And maybe search for a proof-reader who can help you to fulfill your imagination of your story.

[PegaSeraph]

Aren't pegasei immune to lightning?