Rarity's Carnation

One Trick Pony #1 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · ·

Not too bad not too bad, would have loved to see Rarity taking it up a nodge with the dominance, well maybe for another one of their evenings ;)

Steel Scream

Steel Scream #2 · Jan 10th, 2015 · 6 · ·

Reply

I missed you Hand-Made.

Monanniverse

Monanniverse #3 · Jan 10th, 2015 · 2 · ·

Reply

Head's up, I'll be doing a reading of this.

EbonHaste

EbonHaste #4 · Jan 11th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Reply

Dom-rarity is torturously hot.

Vixavior

Vixavior #5 · Jan 14th, 2015 · 2 · 1 ·

Reply

Huzzah! Another Hand Made story to fawn over (okay, just a little). Anyway, as was pointed out, this is a nice little counterpoint story that I happen to like. It's not as unconventional or groundbreaking in theme, but the subtext is great.

So lets see, we'll start with the protagonist. This may be somewhat strange, but I think he's the most 'blank template' character we've seen from you, Hand-Made, but in this instance that's not bad. Part of it is simply that he doesn't talk (alright, he's got one line that should be about as easy to deliver as a third grade Christmas pageant; the intonation can be fairly far-reaching given that it's just so short). Anyone can say 'Mrrph', it belies any accent or speech quick that can usually be attached or attributed to some 'sort' of character. That and he also can't shove his foot in his mouth if there's already a ball-gag there.

Still, the mental imagery is still constant enough with explanations to afford us some basics, and it makes 'Silent Slim' more than a 'meatbag' but being vague enough to be en vogue for a second person tale. Simply put, it works, and the emphasis is put on Rarity rather than letting duality really get in the way. 'Slim' doesn't take the spotlight, but neither is he some ogre-tastic barbarian brute, squeezing his glutes and flexing his pecs to the wonderment of mare-kind while being as sharp as a marble. He comes off as any human that just so happened to be around Rarity as a basis, but allows us enough reflection to transpose any other questions of rhetoric and motivation onto him without needing validation. There's something that's neither underwhelming nor overwhelming about him; it's the whole scenario that says 'I could do that!' and it feels effective for, well, the whole purpose. So 'Slim' is an everyman without the usual 'I am strictly average, look at how average I am!' which is often just as polarizing with its inherent assumptions.

Anyway, enough about 'Silent Slim'*. The focus almost firmly stays with Rarity and language through the whole story. The first thing that got me was the use of the carnation: I was kind of hooked on it. Using flower symbolism shouldn't have surprised me, given the title of the story, but it did.

Employing carnations versus red roses is something rather bolt; it was still nicely grasped upon that the protagonist realized it was a faux-pas and misunderstanding based on the saymbolism itself. In short, 'Slim' didn't initially realize he was speaking Rarity's language, and the fact that she picked up on the unintended symbolism feels absolutely spot-on. The interesting counter to this was the hint of lavender early on, just a scent and not the sight; which is easily attributed to mistrust as far as the 'floral language' goes. That culminates in Rarity's teasing and the whole question of whether or not he would commit to her.

The whole essence of using the symbolic meanings behind a 'fashion accessory' is so easily overlooked yet so crucial when it comes to the idea of matching signals with intent. It seems like something Rarity would be keyed to given its romantic overtones and classical entendre. If any pony would be disappointed by getting a yellow rose as a gift from a suitor, it seems like it would be Rarity. Likewise, the fact that the story's name is based exactly on that is superb. It recognizes the symbolism but doesn't beat you over the head with it saying, “See, see how smart it is! Because it's a flower, and flowers mean lotsa' junk, see!” The prose keeps the references subtle and the romantic focus prioritized.

"She's sending you kisses, love..." That is something I wasn't fully prepared for. The notion of actually inventing a romanticized allusion for a non-human bodily response that fits with the classic romantic overtones is clever. It's even more surprising as this isn't something that typically refers to human anatomy, but it's a strong presence and indicator in equine physicality and reproduction. Using 'kisses' to couch something important but potentially embarrassing in equine culture is really perfect as it bridges the culture and species gap. That said, it's Hand-Made, it's going to have all the wet/messy/fun/anatomically-correct bits on display so I'm not sure if that's a subversion of what I'm saying or not ~laughs~. It doesn't matter, it's just something I liked seeing brought up as people generally do use it to save themselves a red face in a discussion.

Now, as I've been talking for a while, I'll end with one last linguistic thing I enjoyed: Rarity's “Prince”. The word was really used twice, and both different for the context. It was nice and appropriate that Rarity first uses the word 'Prince' with the capitalization intact. The fact that it becomes a proper noun means it can really work as an ideal or a full representative 'identity' for her desires and expectations, all feels right. The second time she uses it, it becomes lower case and possessive, easily symbolizing the fact that it's become her name for 'Slim' while her ideal of it is still something different. It's merely the contrast between ideal and attribution.

Anyhow, yes, I did enjoy it greatly and I had a lot of fun. It leaves me with merely one more thought... 'magic' doesn't really have a verb does it? So 'magicing' is as close as we can get, but I keep wanting to pronounce it 'mage-E-seen'.... I wish English would have a cé cédille for that. Hmm, oh well, the closest I can conjure up is 'encsorcelled'.

*oh, aside from 'love handle'. That comes across as hilariously like 'Love-handles' when I first read it, and I can imagine that insinuation leading to tears and a ruined mood.

Peacekeeper

Peacekeeper #6 · Jan 17th, 2015 · · ·

Reply

wow hand you always make such top notch fics. good to see you're back ;)

______1

______1 #7 · Jan 18th, 2015 · · ·

Reply

Exemplary work as expected, Hand-Made. Hence why I follow you.

Officer Hotpants

Officer Hotpants #8 · Jan 22nd, 2015 · · ·

Reply

Well done, good author. Very well done. I'm not just referring to the well-written and arousing nature of the content, either. It's not often that I see a second-person story in which "you" actually maintains a vague enough personality to be a character with whom I can identify. Too often "you" very quickly becomes "I" in an author's mind to the point of becoming a fully defined character complete with personal tastes and biases.

That line "she's blowing you kisses". Did you take that from a certain picture of our lovely lady of the hour?

Mortal Kombat