In the wake of the interrupted wedding of Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, the Royal Guard went on a changeling hunt, fanning out throughout Equestria to find any changelings living amongst ponykind. The captured changelings have been confined to a guard barracks in Canterlot.
Meanwhile Princess Celestia is finding herself swamped with petitions from ponies across Equestria asking for amnesty for their changeling friends, colleagues, and lovers. Princess Luna, who has been itching to regain some responsibility since her return, offers to take on the petitioners... and the changelings.
(sex tag for off-screen births and hinted baby-making)
Chapters (27)
This
is
so
AWESOME!
This seems fun. I noted you said that this was your "NaNoWriMo novel". Dare I believe that there is 50k (or more) words coming? If so, why does it stay marked "Complete"? If not, carry on!
I do like the story. I normally don't comment unless I have something constructive to add, but seeing as you claim this as your first fan-fiction on this site, and there are a measly two comments, I just thought I should jump in and give you a verbal thumbs up. There are a ton of us quiet lurkers who don't say much but enjoy the effort you (or anybody) put into things. Good show. If there's more, I'll probably read it. I like changelings!
This story is truly a diamond, it has a high value for its small quantity.
Other than a few editing errors that half the authors on this site seem to make at least once, you did a great job. The only real problem with this story is that it's not entirely resolved. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to see more done with this story.
And by the way...
Everyone and their grandmother does that, probably because at least some of them learned English as a second language. And there's nothing wrong with that. They just need to check their work, which not everyone has the time and/or patience to do.
somebrony_else and tailsopony: don't worry. This isn't all of it. There's a total of around 23 chapters, or a little over 50k words. I will post the rest over the next couple of days.
Thanks for the comments, dear readers!
Interesting! And a NaNoWriMo work, as well.
One minor correction that stood out for me:
"Gentle" means kind or without force.
"Gentile" means "not Jewish."
I shall be reading with interest.
5366319
Then you might want to change the status to "Incomplete" instead of "Complete" .
Also, consider adding the story to some groups so potential readers will be notified if the story is something they're interested in.
5366403
The author isn't the only one who can add stories to groups. Hopefully this will be a good start.
This word SERIOUSLY doesn't fit here. This would be much better:
Interesting, but why is Luna saying her sister's name after nearly every of her sentences?
What about the changelings who only trusted their true identity to ONE pony, who loved them dearly?
If Flim and Flam had sold their cider machine legitimately, they'd be filthy rich.
That author's note is a bit of a spoiler, you might want to cover up the second part.
5368434
I'm guessing because it was their NaNoWriMo submission.
I took part in that myself, and let me tell you, being able to pad your word count out is highly advised. There's actually a ton of cheap tricks to try to ratchet up the words like that.
Or I might be totally off base saying that. Who know?
5368500 Sounds like they're fucked, unless a later chapter addresses this issue.
I like it, but you need to fix the timeline. One cannot have had a daughter old enough to be embarrassed of you in a single year.
5366319
Oh sweet. So you managed to finish your NaNoWriMo successfully? Nicely done. I almost didn't make it myself.
I'm looking forward to reading the future chapters.
5368637
Agreed.EDIT: I'm a moron. Ignore me.
Looks like they were kind of holding the changelings as slaves. Not sure how they were feeding them though. Hopefully Luna finds a way to free these changelings or give them jobs and then put the Flim Flam Bros in jail.
This story has been quite a pleasant read so far. My mind keeps trying to whine that Twilight's an alicorn now and then it remembers the time frame of this story. Duh. Lol. Following and looking forward to more. Have a happy Twilight!
Fun is fun?
Keep going! ;)
I think "loathe" fits fine. Excellent word choice.
Fun story so far. Onward.
One thing I've noticed that I would like some elaboration upon is the concept of age in your universe. You said that they found Diamond when she was a foal, but that was a few years ago. Now she is serving in their ranks as one of them. Does this mean that Changelings in particular age quicker than ponies, or are you basing Equestrian years close to the lifespans of real horses?
New line for each character speaking.
When the same person speaking has several uninterrupted paragraphs of dialog, the ending quotation " is omitted. Example:
5368637 5368693 5369036 As for the timeline problem... Let's do some math. Assume Diamond was 18 when Sarge was discharged. Assume Sandy is 14. Assume Sarge entered service at 18 years old. He would've been in service for at least 18 years and it'd've been 32 years since finding Diamond. That means that Sarge would probably be at least 50 years old (18+32). Not completely far fetched. I suppose it's possible that Diamond was younger then and Sandy is also younger. Say 16 and 12. Sarge would be 46 and served for 16 years. Assuming human aging equivalent, but there's nothing wrong with that.
5366319 You know there's a reply button. Right? The little >> over there on the upper right of this box? ^
5369100 I feel really stupid for not realizing that. You are correct sir.
5368523
Then after they became Filthy Rich (making the assumption they are changelings), they could take over Barnyard Bargains and teach Diamond Tiara to stop being such a bitch.
Awwww, I only just started reading and already hit the last (for now) chapter. But there is more to come, so yay! Definitely waiting for more
5367927
True. But I saw the Romance tag and I didn't want to guess what the pairing(s) would be.
WAIT... Cupcake promises are a general thing? Or is Pinkie Pie THAT popular??
Something tells me Cookie or his wife is a changeling...
THAT COOKIE IS A SPY!!!
5369100 the plea for amnesty stated that the sarge retired last summer. The sarge explained that he didn't marry the nurse until after he retired. I uh, I didn't say anything about the changeling. It said something about her being an unofficial member of the guard for three years, but its plausible that she was around before that.
And Luna has already majorly fucked up. This rule is extremely discriminatory against the antisocial ones, or the ones who genuinely have only one friend after their identity was revealed.
That's not even getting into the ones who aren't friends with any ponies, but deserve the same treatment as those who are. Or those who are genuinely nice people but are hated by all of their friends now.
5369331
Sigh. -_-
Interesting premise, and a pretty decent execution of it, too. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this goes.
5369724 I wouldn't put it past Pinkie
actually, it`s "Pferde", not "Pferdic" (whatever that is)
The issue with a witchhunt, is both the guilty and the innocent are caught up in the whirlwind and are equally damaged as a result.
*Reads last chapter...* "Buh... but... no more?"
This one has the potential to mushroom.....a whole minority grouping in one city is potentially in danger here
Somehow I think the N stands for Nigel. Don't know why.....
er... a changeling living openly with some guards in a remote frontier outpost is one thing, but now a changeling living openly in one of the largest cities in equestria? That's kinda straining suspension of disbelief.
What about all the OTHER changelings from Trottingham? What has happened to them?
I think there should be:
5370942 They know that, I'm sure. From my understanding, it's like this: 'Pferde' = German for 'horse', and 'Pferdic' = to do with Pferde, which in the context of the story is probably the term for German ponies. Hence, 'Pferdic' is their way of saying German.
>wedding photo with a bunch of changelings in it
okay, now my suspension of disbelief is completely broken. You had a neat story going for a while there, but this is just a too much.
The whole point of the changeling invasion being such a shock is that nopony knew what the hell changeling were, or that they were even a thing. and now you're saying that there's a small community of them that has been living semi-openly in a major metropolitan center for years? You might as well add the AU tag that point.
When I saw the 'sex'-Tag I was sceptical. Could this be a good story?
Would it end up being some lame changeling-sm-god-knows-what-thing?
Anyway, I was willing to give it a try and am happy that I did so.
(As of the time writing this, I'd recommend you remove that tag as it does not (currently) apply to your story)
This story does have surprising potential. It's written quite well, if paced a little erratic at times, though.
Also I don't really know what to make of the changelings behaviour. Sure it's understandable, that they'd be happy to have their freedom back but at the same time, they appear to lack a sense of camaraderie one would expect them to have towards their kind.
Maybe that'll be resolved later on but as for now it got me thinking a little bit.
All in all I like it. The concept is refreshingly new and your Version of Luna is interesting to say the least.
Though it is not outstandingly good it is unusual nevertheless.
You got my like and a new follower to your story
there gonna be sad cases with bad ponies and abuse of changeling who don't know any better maybe that what the sex tag about...