The companion literary piece to the commissioned artwork by dori-to, "Relaxing on a Saturday Night", the story describes the events both before and after the scene illustrated...a barfight in the "13 Shots Bar" just outside the Canterlot Training Center. This artwork was featured in the "Equestria Daily" Drawfriend.
What happens when you put twenty-eight war ponies in a bar with a gaggle of Griffons?
Do you really need to be told? Not everything in Equestria is magic and friendship.
Link to dori-to's original work.
http://www.deviantart.com/art/Relaxing-On-A-Saturday-Night-483288805
Chapters (1)
Not sure if turned on near end...
Heeeeey. I would be yelling something a lot more inspirational.
Good Read
5320322
Thanks!
5320241
Saber, if you want to say something heroic, say something heroic. That's what we all heard that night. Next time, try, "My dick has ticks," something profound and thoughtful, LOL!
5320198
The TD disagreed with you, Tracer. From my angle, it looked like an angry fire hose looking for a wildfire...
Great imagery though-out the fight.
5322001
That was Dori-to...taking a bunch of crazy ideas a bunch of silly ponies had, and bringing something amazing to life in a picture...a tremendous amount of the credit for "Relaxing on a Saturday Night" goes right there. I just added the details.
Crystalheart
Oh god, did you actually make this a thing?
Guess I need to read it now, just so I can make sure all of our money is being allocated appropriately...
Oh, wow! This story exemplifies both the beauty and the dread when it comes to (largely) OC based stories.
The original characters you have are fantastic, I love them. That they seem based on actual people, well, I guess that's certainly what helps their individual voices come through as clearly as they do. The clear, distinct character and narrative voices are something that this story shares with my other favourite OC-filled story, A Matter of Interest.
The biggest sort flaw that I could point to would be, IMO, the inconsistency of the profanity. It veers -- rather wildly and drunkenly and times -- between tamer and more polite language, before going full on four-letter foul-monthed. Most I could see as straight cursing, with the lighter stuff not carrying enough joking tone to make the shift more plausible.
That was the beauty of it, and, really, you pulled it off magnificently. Which is where we see the dread; this story really needs to be rated better than it currently is. FFS, I was only the sixth like? Really? People just won't seem to give a story a chance unless it features one of their favourite of the mane six or such. Doing that just leaves them overlooking wonderful stories like this.
But, in the end I can only give what I can only give; a very well earned favourite and like. Look forward to seeing what else you got.
5332057
Told you I would...!
Crystalheart
5336754
Those twenty-eight ponies are real people. They are friends of mine on Facebook on the Semper Filly page. So when you wrote: "That they seem based on actual people, well, I guess that's certainly what helps their individual voices come through as clearly as they do," it's very true. I hear Joe speaking when OverClock is railing at Crystalheart about his attitude, such as the "bitter bastard" statement. Joe actually said that to me when he proofed it. The cursing is the same way. Sometimes we are, sometimes we're not. It's as real as I could get a bunch of friends "ponified", talking after a hard day in the field. Except Saber. He wanted to be shouting something, but didn't specify what, so we made him the King of the non-sequitur.
I borrowed, well, shamelessly stole Kkat's version of Griffons as mercenaries, added some logic as how they may behave when they get into trouble as youths trying to make a name for themselves, and tossed them in. Berry Punch is the usual comic relief you see in bar fight scenes, the one patron that sits in the middle of the battle, untouched. Discord was thrown in by Dori-to as a freebie, and makes a good reason why it explodes so big, so fast.
Excellent analysis, sir. Well played. Thank You.
Crystalheart
5336754
5340373
Yah, we're a pretty diverse group, and sometimes swearing happens, but what you may consider a swear, we may consider as everyday banter. I say fuck a lot. It's become just a thing I say with no meaning whatsoever. However when I start calling people cunts, that's when you know I'm serious. Other people are the other way around though.
Oh well, people are people.
5340373
I figured, but didn't want to presume. You need to get them over here, show this thing some more love. It's still quite criminally underrated. Nice job with Saber, as I do like me some non-sequiturs.
Looking forward to reading what else you got.
5341277
One of those things...I content myself that this isn't necessarily about my ego, but the amusement, bemusement, and affection I have for these candy-colored small horses, and those that read my takes on their lives. If I break through one day and become widely read, that's great. If not, I'm glad to be a small part of one of the most precious things you and others have...your free time to read...
Crystalheart