The citizens of Canterlot were kept in their homes for a full day, which—given the seriousness of the guards the night it happened—seemed somewhat underwhelming. The sun rose to banish the night, the guards informed them that all was well, and life returned to normal. It was almost as if nothing had happened at all, and that feeling was more unnerving than the initial panic.
Nopony talked about the events outright, but, of course, the citizens of Canterlot were experts at gossip. The sun had hardly reached its zenith on the day of its return before Velvet came home with conflicting news.
"So," Velvet said as she walked through the door and shut it behind her, "it seems that either a new alicorn appeared and foalnapped the princess, or the princess turned into an evil alicorn. Either way, everypony seems to agree that there was an evil alicorn involved."
Velvet pranced into the kitchen, continuing, "And the guard tried to rescue her, or turn her back, or whatever, but some other ponies beat them to it and became heroes. Or some ponies got in the way of the guards but Princess Celestia defeated the alicorn herself." She paused to scan the contents of their fridge.
"What?" Crystal blinked. "That doesn't make any sense."
Velvet shrugged lightly. She picked up an apple and said around a mouthful of the fruit, "I'unno, I jus' tellin' you wha' I heard a'prac'ice."
"You clearly need better sources." Crystal sighed and got up off the floor, walking over to the window and peering out into the city of Canterlot. "Did anypony know if Ponyville is all right?" she asked softly.
"You mean if Horsey is all right?" Velvet nodded. "Other than Princess Celestia supposedly disappearing, nopony talked about anything really happening in Ponyville. From what I can tell, it got blown way out of proportion." She resumed eating her apple.
Crystal breathed in through her teeth. "We should go to visit her, then."
"I figured you'd say that." Velvet smiled and walked into her room. She called over her shoulder, "You should go pack an overnight bag. I don't think either of us want to make it a quick visit!"
♡
Horsey looked at both of them with tears in her eyes. "Gosh, I'm so happy to see both of you! It was so scary!"
"Yeah." Velvet glanced at their cheerful surroundings. "So, about that. What exactly happened? Everything seems fine here."
Horsey hesitated a moment. She glanced around as well, though more nervously than Velvet. Without a word, she waved for the two to follow her, leading them into the restaurant proper and up the stairs to the living quarters above. For how modern and sleek the downstairs was decorated, the upstairs was much more rustic, as if straight out of the idyllic Prench countryside. Or, at least, what Crystal had seen of Prance in magazines, anyway.
Horsey sighed after she shut the door to her bedroom behind them. "Okay, so here's what happened."
Velvet and Crystal set down their overnight bags and turned all of their attention on Horsey. "Yes?" they asked together.
Horsey sat on her haunches, twiddling her hooves. "We all gathered for Princess Celestia to be introduced and to raise the sun, but she wasn't there. Then, a strange alicorn appeared, talking on and on about the night lasting forever and her rightful place after a thousand years or something."
"Then?" they both leaned in.
Horsey shrugged rather meekly. "Then she left. The guards that were there, some of the pegasus ones flew to Canterlot while the rest stayed to urge us back to our homes. I don't know much else, but everypony here is talking about Princess Celestia's student, Twilight Sparkle, having something to do with the return of Princess Luna."
"Princess Who?" Crystal tilted her head and furrowed her brow.
Velvet rolled her eyes. "Oh my gosh, Crystal, do you seriously not pay attention in Equestrian History?"
"No?" she responded flatly, returning the eyeroll. "It's never really mattered—well, up until now, I suppose."
"She's Princess Celestia's sister," Horsey explained. "She was banished to the moon a thousand years ago. And now she's back."
Crystal was silent while Velvet and Horsey talked, her gaze wandering the room. Princess Celestia had a sister? She'd have to get her hooves on that history textbook sooner rather than later. "Where—" she started to ask but cut herself off. "No, Raven probably would know more, actually."
"Huh?" Horsey blinked. "What about Raven?"
Crystal waved off the question dismissively. "When we get back to Canterlot, I'm going to try to get an appointment with Raven. If anypony knows exactly what's going on, it'd be her." Her gaze refocused on Horsey and she smiled. "I know I already said it when we got here, but I'm really, really glad to see you."
Velvet nodded and hooked a foreleg around Horsey's neck. "She cried," she whispered loudly.
Crystal snorted. "Hey! You cried, too!"
Horsey smiled and hugged Velvet, then pulled away from her to hug Crystal next. "It's okay. I cried when I thought we were going to—"
"Nope!" Velvet shook her head. "Everything turned out all right, so let's not talk about it anymore. Hey, Horsey, do you think you could sneak some sweets up here from downstairs?"
"You want me to steal from my own job?" She looked at Velvet with one brow raised.
"No, not at all," Velvet said, pulling away and waving her hooves. "I want you to steal for your best friends from your own job. It sounds better that way."
Crystal laughed. Her horn lit up, raising bits from her bag and floating them over to Horsey. Pale blue magic overtook pink and she dropped her focus. "There. Now it's not stealing, right?"
Velvet giggled and, while Horsey got up and left to go downstairs, threw her hoof to her forehead and exclaimed in a dramatic way, "I'm surrounded by ponies with morals!"
♡
It proved rather difficult to find time in Raven's schedule for a visit. She had returned Crystal's letter with an ominously short reply of "I'll be in touch." The week was nearly over when it became evident why she had heard nothing since from the mare.
"Do you think Princess Celestia is gathering us about what happened at the Celebration?" Velvet whispered to Crystal as the two walked side by side toward the castle courtyard, along with the rest of Canterlot's citizens.
Crystal shrugged her shoulders in a mid-step gesture, her gait unchanging. "What else could it be?" she whispered back. "If it really was the return of an alicorn, then that would be the first thing I'd have a large, public address regarding."
They filed into the courtyard with the rest of the ponies and awaited Celestia's arrival. They didn't have to wait long before the princess stepped out onto the balcony and was welcomed with a swell of cheers that she quieted by raising one hoof.
"Thank you all for gathering here today," she began, her soft yet unwavering voice falling upon them like a gentle rain. It was cool, calming, and steady. "As many of you already know, this year's Summer Sun Celebration was interrupted by a mare known as Nightmare Moon."
There was a sudden buzzing of raised voices that echoed against the courtyard and castle walls, but her hoof raised again and they fell to a soft murmur.
"The forces of disharmony that once consumed her have been banished. Princess Luna has returned to her rightful place of rule beside me."
No hesitation or pause followed her words. Everypony cheered and stomped their hooves against the stone and the grass. Though they couldn't see it from their position below the balcony, the smile on Celestia's lips could be heard in her voice as she finished her address.
"Thank you all for gathering here today," she repeated in an even more sincere tone than before. "I request—Nay, I beg of you, my little ponies, to welcome my beloved sister, your Princess of the Night, home after a thousand years."
The stomping and cheering rose into the air again and Celestia waved before she turned and walked back into the castle.
"Wow! So there really are going to be two princesses from now on. How cool is that?" Velvet started to prance out of the courtyard, but stopped when she noticed Crystal wasn't following her. "Crystal?"
Crystal flashed a smile at her. "Head on home without me. I'm going to try to find Raven." She turned and walked against the flow of the crowd, toward the castle. "Hello!" she chirped at the guards standing outside the main doors. "Is the castle open to the public yet?"
One of the guards shook his head. "No, ma'am."
"I see." She flicked her tail. "What about the castle gift shop?"
The same guard nodded. "That is open, ma'am."
"That will have to do. Thank you!" She trotted away from the main doors and over to a building that adjoined the castle, but had a separate entrance.
The castle gift shop was busier than usual, to no surprise. Ponies that worked in the castle were shuffling about, restocking shelves with new merchandise. All of what they were unloading that Crystal could see was dark midnight blue in color: mugs that read 'I Love the Night' and hats that featured crescent moons prominently on the front.
This only got Crystal more excited and curious. "Hello!" She approached one of the staff. "I'm looking for Raven. We were supposed to have lunch together, but what with Princess Celestia's address, I'm afraid I can't find her."
"Really? She's been so busy lately that I didn't know she even had lunch anymore." The stallion chuckled and set the box down he had been unpacking. "I'll inform her that she's forgotten her lunch date."
Crystal smiled as sweetly as she could. Guards were such sticklers for rules and regulations; castle staff that worked in a mere gift shop, however, were much more compliant with a mare who smiled.
She waited long enough to make up her mind on buying a few pieces of Princess Luna merchandise the next time she came to the gift shop, especially a couple of the mugs. They were large and of good quality, so she was sure they'd be great for hot cocoa in the slowly upcoming winter season.
"Crystal?" Raven asked as she approached. Her voice was somewhat strained as she continued, "We don't have a lunch date."
Crystal offered a sheepish grin. "I know, but I really need to talk to you, Rav."
Raven flushed and glanced around them. "Crystal! We're in public. I'm Raven, thank you very much." She cleared her throat. "I don't have time for lunch, but you're welcome to follow me if you are able to walk and talk." She turned and made her way right back out of the gift shop.
Crystal hurried to catch up with and walk alongside her. The sheepish grin turned somewhat playfully coy. "You let him call you Rav. I heard it last time the four of us went to dinner."
Raven's white coat showed her increasing blush. "Crystal!"
"Okay, okay." She giggled and had a small skip in her step before she looked at Raven with a serious expression. "What is the true story behind Luna's return?"
"Princess Luna's return is not something I am at leisure to discuss at length." Raven nodded to a pair of guards that held open a door for them. "Could you not consult with your local librarian on this matter?"
"I don't want to know the past, Raven. I'm interested in the present. I want to know who she is, not who she was. I—" She swallowed dryly. "I can't explain it other than I'm infatuated with the idea of her. Poetic Pen writes short stories featuring sun princesses exclusively. I've never read one of a beautiful, mysterious princess of the night."
Raven shot her an almost suspicious glance. "You want to write a romance novel about Princess Luna?"
Crystal was quick to dismiss the notion, waving both of her forehooves. "No, no, I just—I want to know more about her so I can consider the idea of writing a romance novel about a princess like her."
Raven's expression grew more distrustful. She paused to give some papers to a mare behind a desk. Crystal similarly paused to look around, having not even noticed they had walked into an office.
Once they were back out in the main hallway, Raven said in a low voice, "Are you attempting to capitalize on the return of Princess Luna to bolster your career?"
Crystal rubbed her temple and shook her head. "No, I just—augh! All right, could you make time to meet over dinner? It appears that no, I cannot walk and talk."
Raven came to a halt halfway down the hall and turned to face Crystal. She eyed her up and down before she relented with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of stress right now with the princess's return. Until Princess Luna finds one herself, I am serving as aide to both princesses. Despite the addition of only one more princess to my care, it's more than doubled my usual workload. But—Perhaps, dinner would be nice. The four of us, or just you and me?"
Crystal smiled. "Oh, Velvet and I would never turn down the chance to have dinner with your—" She glanced around to see who was near. "—special somepony involved. He always pays." She giggled.
That made Raven smile briefly. "I will let him know that we will make time for dinner tomorrow night. Is that acceptable?"
"Okay!" She stepped forward, then paused. "Oh, wait, is hugging not allowed for you while you're in business mode?"
Raven said nothing, but she did raise one foreleg and gestured her closer with a half-smile. Crystal embraced her, then trotted toward the nearby main doors and out into the courtyard.
♡
Le Bernardin had a reputation for being at the top of Canterlot's fine dining list. It was also conveniently close to the palace, making it the go-to for dinners with Raven. They didn't get together for dinner often, so when they did, Crystal didn't feel too terribly guilty about eating at such an expensive place on somepony else's bit. It also helped ease the conscience when the food was beyond phenomenally good.
Velvet could hardly keep from drooling at the smells that filled the restaurant while they waited for Raven and her stallion to arrive. They would be discreet as always; Raven was still fiercely protective of her image and how it could affect Princess Celestia.
"You're sure she said tonight, right?" Velvet looked around, her ears twitching to and fro. "Because we can't afford to eat here, but I'm not leaving without getting my hooves on some mushroom risotto."
"I'm sure." Crystal giggled. "She'll be here any—oh!" She sat up straight in her seat. "There they are!"
Raven approached them in her off-hours 'disguise'. Her mane was down and she was wearing a different pair of glasses than normal. Knowing her for as long as Crystal had, it was easy to recognize her, but a passing glance would hardly discern who she was.
"I'm sorry we're late," Raven said in a quiet voice. "I just—Well, things became busy, and—"
"You always apologize, dear," the light blue stallion beside her coaxed, putting a hoof on her shoulder. "We've all been friends for too long to warrant so many apologies." He smiled down at her, then over at Crystal and Velvet. "Good evening, ladies."
"Good evening, Sir Pony Moore," Velvet said in an airy voice. "It's always so wonderful to see you!"
Sir Pony Moore chuckled and took the seat beside Raven. "Charmed, as always." He inclined his head, raised a hoof, and flagged down the nearest waiter. "A round of Chardonnay for myself and these lovely ladies, if you please, my good sir."
The waiter nodded and walked away.
Moore returned his attention to the mares across from him. "And for what reason do I owe the honor of dining with you two tonight?"
"Crystal wants to talk about the recent castle events, and Velvet wants the mushroom risotto," Raven answered for them, smiling.
Velvet nodded without a hint of shame. "Yup! I'm just here for the food."
Moore hooked his hooves and rested his snout on them. "The recent castle events, hmm? That sounds like a conversation for you and Crystal." His gaze flickered to Velvet. "I suppose that leaves us to fend for ourselves."
"That leaves you to fend for yourself, you mean." Velvet leaned back in her seat. "I can sit here and think about what I'm going to have for dessert until the waiter gets back by myself just fine."
Moore laughed softly while Raven stared expectantly at Crystal.
"Okay," Crystal started. She placed her hooves on the table and leaned in. "I'm completely without inspiration. Everything I try to write, when I reread it, is flat and without feeling. There was so much emotion behind The Mare's Temptation that I'm not sure if I can match it."
Crystal gave a serious frown, as if they were discussing their health or finances, and continued, "But something draws me to Princess Luna. I feel like—It's as though I am trapped in darkness, and her beautiful moonlight has shone down to reveal that it is not darkness at all, but a mysterious yet alluring night that surrounds me."
Flushing as she felt all their eyes on her, Crystal drew a small circle with her hoof against the white tablecloth. "It sounds strange, I understand, but I want to put that feeling into a story."
Moore broke the silence with a clap of his hooves. "How wonderful! Rav, weren't you just complaining that the castle has become mad with trying to promote and heighten Princess Luna's image? This would be a perfect opportunity for both of you, would it not?" He smiled at his mare.
Raven tried not to look at him, but she couldn't help it. She stole one glance into his blue eyes and quickly turned her head away, as if burned. "I—I do agree, but what if it backfires? What if—" She cut herself off, sighed, and looked across the table. "I read your interview in Wanderlust. I know you're struggling with finding a new idea."
Crystal dropped her gaze, unable to reply.
"What if you pounce on this idea out of desperation and it backfires? Crystal, if you ruined your career, I wouldn't forgive myself for allowing you to write such a thing." Raven reached over and placed her hoof on Crystal's.
Velvet cleared her throat. "You know, she is really good at writing."
Moore nodded. "Quite right. I think this is just the thing Canterlot needs. After all, word on the grapevine is that even with the castle's efforts, including Princess Celestia's address, ponies are still unnerved by the recent events."
"I can—No, I want to write this." Crystal offered a timid grin. "I am not fully aware of what 'this' is just yet, but I can feel it in my soul. The bright romance of the sun princess is losing its luster."
Crystal's grin shifted into a soft smile. "After all, is not night the hour of lovers? A rendezvous of hidden passion occurs under the watchful but silent gaze of the stars. We meet tonight under the veil of night for the sake of privacy. The night is truly the most romantic thing of all."
Raven's resolve faltered and she relented with a slow shake of her head. "All right, all right. It's hard to argue with you when you're like this."
"She's pretty much impossible to deal with when she's set her mind on something," Velvet added, giggling.
Moore glanced between the three of them. "Then it's settled?" When they nodded, he smiled. "Wonderful! To celebrate, tonight's dinner is on me!"
"Dinner is always on you, dear," Raven said and laughed softly.
"Ah, true." He sighed. "That does somewhat lessen the impact of the celebration, doesn't it?"
Crystal raised the dessert menu and glanced it over, mumbling, "That said, you could offer to buy us each two desserts. To celebrate, of course."
Moore's smile returned in full force. "Two desserts it is!"
While they waited for and then enjoyed their meals, the conversation wandered to lighter topics. They discussed Velvet's budding ballet career as well as Moore's business in stock trading. The former was much easier to digest than the latter, which was met with slow nods and confused smiles. After their double course of dessert, the four of them left the restaurant to part ways in their respective pairs, but Raven hesitated.
"I'll be right behind you, Moore," Raven said over her shoulder. He nodded, waved farewell to them, and walked away. She turned her head back to Crystal and Velvet. "Thank you for pestering me into coming out tonight."
"Thank you for agreeing to help me with my next novel once I decide exactly what it will be." When Raven opened her mouth to interject, Crystal spoke over her. "I know, I know. I must handle the situation with great care given the circumstances." She raised a hoof and dismissed the concerns. "I will send you the premise as soon as I have one."
Raven smiled. "I look forward to it. Good night, Crystal." Her gaze shifted Velvet. "And good night to you, as well. It was nice to see you again."
"Yup! You, too." Velvet waggled her hips to draw attention to the take-out bag balanced on her back. "Thanks for lunch tomorrow!"
Raven laughed a soft but earnest laugh and trotted off to catch up with Moore. Crystal bumped her shoulder to Velvet's before starting to walk in the direction of home.
"So, any idea at all what you're going to call this night princess novel?" Velvet asked in between happy little hums for having a happy, full stomach.
"Nope." Crystal sighed and lifted her gaze to the night sky. "But just like Temptation, when it hits me, I'll know it for sure."
::happy flailing::
These last two chapters have been a terrific treat! I'm a sucker for mare-on-the-ground perspective of Luna's return, and this is whetting my appetite like whoa!
Love the use of rumor and whispers, love the emotions and reactions, and really, really love Crystal's reaction to Luna! Chase that muse, mare! It'll lead ya places.
Looking forward to the continuing story!
I was hoping for a bit more detail on the brief mention of Raven having found her happy ending. And now you tell us that she is NOT with Prince Blueblood?
You are not nice! How dare you leave all that intrigue and Royal romantic affairs behind the scenes when your main character has the ability to peek through the curtains! ::epic pout:: I demand a... Something! You better make this up to me! I - I mean your readership...
And don't you dare answer this post with another *!$#&% 'trollestia' emocon!
5641135 I... I-I can't... resist.... !! Auuugh!
In seriousness, yes, I was intentionally trolling with the mention of her happy ending in the previous chapter. I very much wanted y'all to think that after the mare's night in, Raven confronted Blueblood and after an indeterminate amount of time, they found happiness. Crystal laughed nervously because Raven didn't end up with Blueblood... and in this chapter, it's treated casually because at this point, the drama is long gone. Raven's happy and Moore's a nice guy.
That saaaiiddd... The details will absolutely come up, because even though Raven's happy now, do you really think Crystal is content knowing that her idea of a happily ever after didn't come true?
5641074 *squee* I'm so glad you like it! I'm admittedly looking forward to showing more canon events from that "mare-on-the-ground perspective." It's not as exciting as an epic adventure to defeat the evil herself, but I'm glad to hear this path is not interesting to just myself!
The beauty of stars in the dark of the night
The candle burns low, the passion burns bright
The Princess returns to take back her place
Romantics and lovers and stars the minds chase
The comfort of darkness, the meetings of two
Those of the night, two loves rendezvous
Passion and heartbreak and tears to be had
But always take comfort, for the ending is glad
Passion is but the feelings of dark
When our hearts are laid bare
Unhidden and marked
When love is around us
And hope to be found
The Moon is our lover
And Dawn that dread sound
~The Final Firedancing Fiend
Heh, another great chapter, and Crystal has begun her next book! Or will begin it, as least. I almost feel sorry for poor Silent, but he's a hopeless romantic dressed up as a dunce, so really, I don't. EDIT: Dammit. I thought it was a disguise name! You troll! -_____- Okay, this is after reading the comment above.... BAH! Okay..... Dammit, again.... You, Crystal, are a troll, and I will continue to follow this story even so.... It's just too good.... I just need to stop jumping to conclusions, or assumptions.... or generally acting like a certain blue stallion with a seeming immunity to concussions from another story I love.....
On a side note, how much of the editing process is devoted to ensuring your chapters come out to nice, round numbers? Don't think we don't notice! I refuse to believe it is simply a coincidence.
Now, I should probably sign off here before I start rambling and waxing into more poetry about your awesome story, so....
~The Final Firedancing Fiend
5641178 RE: Idiot Prince ...At the risk of being a jerk, I would suggest you look back over the names one more time.
5641178 Yay, more poetry! Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Heehee, I'm not sorry about the Blueblood / Moore troll. I've been planning it for weeks, eager to see the reactions. Yes... most pleasant... just as we planned!
Oh, I forgot to answer the first time around before your edit: not too much time is spent getting my word count numbers even. I just add some words until I get to the nearest 50. I'm not crazy, I swear...
5641135
5641190
I edited it. Read Crystal's comment and edited my own after realizing it was NOT a disguise/incognito name..... Read edit for my reaction to that particular bit of news. Thanks though. I'm not quite THAT oblivious yet.
5641200
Yeah, I read the comment above it (the one by you) and edited it.... -___-
Dammit again, I'm a conclusion jumper and need to reign that in, lest I end up doing something truly stupid one of these times..... Also, I edited my comment perhaps a bit too late then.
5641214 No worries, you're fine! I updated my comment as well. Maybe if we all agree to a truce, we can edit these comments, too, and disguise it as a continuing conversation and your mistake will be forgotten! But, it's honestly the reaction I was looking for. Sir Pony Moore is a background pony. I picked him for various reasons, one being that he has a similar coat color to the fictional Prince Highborn. Let's just say, that was the conversation starter for little miss Raven.
5641202 Oh, you're a scream.
CQTM (Chuckles Quietly To Myself) But I know I was asking for it.
5641224
OH! Okay.... Highborn/Pony Moore and Raven found their happy ending, albeit differently than with Bluey, and Now Crystal shall grill her over how. Nice. And I suppose that would work, but honestly, now that the worst of my stupidity has been edited out, I don't really mind the rest staying. Especially since it was the reaction you were searching for. Also.... I still think you're a massive troll....
And yeah.... Nope, you're not crazy . Everyone has some kind of tick or weirdness to them, yours just happens to be a little more noticeable. Must make the Gdoc/MSWord/Pages/FIMfic word count differences annoying, though. And you're not going for even, you're going for a nice round 50 or 100 multiple. Oh well, whatever works works I suppose.
Well I know what is going to come out because of this. I cant' wait to read what happens in this arc. Good luck. This is going to be a good next few chapters.
Well I am a terrible mule, so instead of commenting on how well done this latest chapter was, I am going to juggle some novelty titles that will probably not get used by Crystal Wishes.
Escape of Night's Reins
The Silver Flower
Passion Upon Dusk
The Moon's Rose
Till Dream's Parting
Locked By Love
Love's Lock
Sweet Summer's Silver Sin
Okay, my lawyer is about to thwack me upside the head. Good writings!
5641528 Those are some fabulous titles, and I may steal some of them for chapter titles if they don't find use in the story itself!
I think you meant to say "Did you find out if anypony in Ponyville is all right?" or Do you know if anypony in Ponvyille is all right?"
There were a few other little mistakes, but this was the first big one I noticed.
5642139 I certainly don't disagree with your suggestions for her question's phrasing. In this case, her version is more conversational, and she's alone with a friend. That's how I'd ask if I were in her (horse)shoes! So please don't be offended if I leave this one as is. But thank you for pointing it out!
Who the hell is Pony Moore? A character literally popping up out of nowhere, being treated as if he were an already introduced, integral part of the cast is terrible writing.
discreet
5642197 happy to help
5642218 Blueblood in disguise I assumed
5642218 5642363 5641135 5641178
I apologize. This is a long response, but given the reactions, I've realized there is some confusion. I want to explain myself, not excuse myself, and hope you'll accept my choice. I won't be changing how Moore is introduced because I wrote it the way I intended, even if y'all disagree with how he is presented.
I thought his name (which, considering it's a fan-given name on the MLP Wikia for a background pony, is not much to go on, I admit), blue coat, the different mannerisms (a pony simply does not change that drastically from self-centered to kind and all-around good guy), and his stock trading business would be enough to reveal that Raven, in fact, did not get with Blueblood. It has been roughly 8 months since the mare's night in where Raven drops by their new apartment (time is somewhat fluid given the usually slow pacing of the story, so it is not laid out in great detail). That is a lot of time for the appearance of Sir Pony Moore, a background pony that, in the show, is seen both in prestigious events in Canterlot (including the royal weddings and the gala) as well as Manehattan (thus my belief that he could be a stock trader). That is also not enough time for a pony like Blueblood, depicted with a narcissistic and self-absorbed personality, to change into the nice guy we see here. People (and ponies) don't change easily, and they certainly don't change that much in that amount of time.
He is casually introduced because he himself is not important. What is important is that Raven is a) not with Blueblood and b) happy. Crystal suggested that there have been prior dinners with Raven's "special somepony" who "always pays," showing that he's a gentlepony and has been around for at least a little while. That is why when he shows up, it's not a big deal. It should be at least somewhat clear that he's been around longer than a little while because Velvet and Crystal have no guilt or shame. They're nice gals. They certainly would have tried to at least split the bill the first dinner. The second dinner would have been an offer to pay the tip. After the third or so dinner, it would be evident that he was going to pay, and by now it's old hat. The other details (why, how, what?!) are left intentionally vague because they aren't important to this chapter. They are being withheld until the time is right (which, FWIW, is the next chapter).
I'm not going to write exposition if a character, in this case Crystal, wouldn't be thinking it. She is focused on learning about Princess Luna, not what's happened that led Raven to not end up with Blueblood. His existence (again, not himself, just the fact that he is not Blueblood) is an important plot point, however, which will be addressed when Crystal addresses it herself. Yes, when Moore first showed up, it was a notable occasion. I didn't want to show that scene, however. I will fully admit that I wanted to lead up to his reveal with readers assuming Raven and Blueblood have a happily ever after. The main reason for that is because I wanted to catch at least one or two readers off-guard with a bit of "Wait, what?" whiplash to give a scene in the next chapter more impact.
I hope any of you that are still interested in the story will keep reading, and I apologize if my reveal of Raven's special somepony was handled in a way that turned y'all off.
5642509
Christ hon’, it ain’t like you raped my firstborn with a rusty chainsaw or dumped a major character on us, I just thought it was stupid that he wasn’t introduced. Even the tiniest bit of exposition would’ve been better than just sudden insertion of a character.
“When things between Raven and Bluebood had not worked out Raven had been despondent. She managed to catch the eye of one Sir Pony Moore, and one whirlwind courtship later he became a fixture in her life. Crystal Wishes’ heartfelt gratitude that the gentlecolt treated her and Velvet on the occasions the four of them had a night out was always tinged by the slightest tinge of guilt for accepting his generosity without at least the pretence of resistance.”
Hell, depending on where exactly you placed something like that you could still have the “twist” you were after, without evoking a reader’s “Who the hell is this schmuck?”‐sense
edit:
Even if you don’t it’s nowhere near enough to get me to give up on this fic. If you got into a habit of doing this, sure, but a once‐off minor flub like this? Don’t sweat it.
5642509
I'm still going to read. It's just the sudden slap of him without exposition or any true introduction that threw me, even if he was unimportant. Keep in mind, Bluey is also nothing more than a glorified background pony, so he can be anything a writer desires, more or less, so long as his plotholish, not uncalled for, behaviour at the gala is taken into account.
So a little bit of exposition, even after the intro, would have done greatly and still kept your little twist. I'm still here, it's just a bit of a rough patch on a generally amazing story. I'm still going to stick around, and I will remain. It's been a great ride so far, and I'm going to stick around for it. Thanks for the explanation, too. It helps a lot. Keep writing and stay awesome.
~The Fiend
Nice chapter...
I'm glad Raven isn't with Blueblood. (I've known people like him and generally dislike them)
One note:
missing an "o"
That is all. Recon-Re
So this chapter is pretty much the precursor to the upcoming story that has a large reference to Princess Luna? This aught to get very interesting if it is. I think that story that Crystal is working on is also referenced in your friend's story too. Your guys' stories coming together makes me think of a zipper on a jacket for some reasonOh yeah, and I'm glad Raven ditched that jerk Blueblood for this cooler guy. Hopefully more will be told about him right? I mean he did pretty much come out of left field. Perhaps a side story of when Raven broke up with Blueblood and met this Moore guy? (haha, there is this guy in our shop where I work at who is named Moore too. What a coincidence)
During my pre-read I actually thought the misdirection and reveal with Raven was well done. What was clever to me was that earlier Crystal had been asked if it worked out for her inspiration as it had in the book. She said "She got a happy ending" not specifically the exact same one that happened in the book.
It was the old bait and switch. Who Moore is isn't very important to the plot in the chapter. Drawn out exposition of him would have slowed it down for little pay off. Will we learn more about Moore later? Maybe, I don't know. Does it really matter to the plot? No. She could have said "Raven didn't end up with Blueblood and is instead with another stallion" and achieved the same thing. For me that would have just be far more exposition and dull to read.
I was far more interested in what was integral to the story: what happened with Nightmare Moon and who is this new princess.
Well, I for one LOVED the chapter! You did a great job as always, and frankly, I'm glad with the way you introduced Moore. The fact that you did not focus on his introduction shows how natural his relationship to Raven feels, and that speaks more than any long introduction could. I think it's adorable that Crystal is trying to help Luna's (and her own) reputation through her next story. Oooooh! I'm so excited to see where this is heading. Keep being awesome!
The fact that people are reacting so viscerally to this chapter, I think, is proof that you're doing well as a writer.
So im personally half way through the story or so, and i love it so far. Normally i dont get into these type of stories, but this one im happy to make an exception. Anyway its a sweet story, ill have more to say when i get caught up.
Ok so i finally caught up on the story. Damn i aint power read anything in a while. Anywho i love this story so far, and I could see Crystal going for a stallion such as Silent Knight if i remember his name right, but that's just me. anyway Love the story, actually felt bad cause the next chapter aint out yet. anyway no rush, but cant wait to read it.
5648525 Thank you so much for reading and commenting; I'm very glad you are enjoying it!
5648538 Its no problem. and its nice to see an author who likes to talk back with the readers. its a nice change of pace from what ive seen in other authors. anyway. cant wait for next chapter. this story has got a fave from me.
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You know, I was starting to get a little suspicious that Raven's happy ending wasn't with Blueblood, there were enough mentions of her relationship status with zero mentions of who she was with. Guess that (probably) means Blueblood's eventual behavior at the Gala isn't just him driving off any interested mares on account of being in a still-secret relationship.
Not really a fan of his name though. What kind of ponies would name their son Pony? That'd be like running into someone named Human. I understand it's a fan name, but sometimes the fandom has silly ideas.
5654857 Yep, I think it depends on how much you really wanted to believe in Raven x Blueblood.
I so very don't disagree on his name. I picked him for a very specific reason (which, for the record, will be explained if I haven't already foolishly spoiled it in the comments and forgotten... or you can perhaps figure it out if you're a detective ), even though his name is silly. I have to think it's a reference to something, but I've no idea what.
I'm going with... he has eccentric parents that thought they were going to start a trend. And failed.
Did I miss something, where's blueblood?
5999956 You didn't miss anything, per se, as it wasn't explicitly stated, more implicit (as life is wont to be): Raven said she would confront Blueblood, months have passed, and now she is with somepony else that Crystal and Velvet clearly like... It's a mini-mystery that requires inductive reasoning to fill in the gaps, but the important information is there. Raven's with somepony who makes her happy, Crystal and Velvet like him, the rest is moot for this story.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
5641156
Yeah, I agree with fast bike, what happened to blue? I'm glad he's gone, just super confused
6269519 I'm sorry for the confusion! It was a stylistic choice I made on my part, as I don't like writing exposition when it doesn't seem necessary (to me, that is). Months have passed since Raven said she would confront Blueblood... and now she's with another pony, suggesting the confrontation didn't go well.
The reason I decided to be more "sneaky" with Sir Pony Moore's reveal is that later, Raven tells Crystal that readers expect a happy ending. This was a bit of a fourth wall poking on my part for those that expected to see Blueblood at the restaurant—readers expecting a happy ending when reality is different.
6270738
Wait, so life doesn't always have happy endings? I understand now, I like it. Realistic romance is my favorite
That's an interesting pseudonym that Blueblood's chosen for himself.
...why does the narrative refer to him as Sir Pony Moore when they're not actually talking?
This stallion doesn't seem much like Blueblood at all. I thought Raven had talked with Blueblood about their relationship and-
...Oh.
Well Raven seems happy enough with Sir Pony Moore.
6279934 This is the only gif version I could find... buuuttt...
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*cough* talking, multi coloured ponies *cough cough*
Blueblood. His one redeeming quality, replaceablity.
Does this story have a song about it yet?
Because I absolutely love it so far and it seems like it would be such a horrible waste not to write songs about it.
6448040 I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Thank you for taking the time to say so!
To my knowledge there is no song written specifically for this story (I would die of joy) but there are some songs that have been suggested that remind folks of characters.
6448099
Well, shoot. Your reply came so fast I didn't even notice the notification.
Now, I won't promise you a full sung and orchestrated song on YouTube (because I'm bad at singing, lacking equipment and frankly just horribly inexperienced with anything more complicated than Word documents), but I do like to write them, so... check your inbox?
6450620 Haha, well, when you start throwing things like songs around I can't help but get excited!
Ahem, now, if you'll excuse me, I have an inbox to go refresh until I get blocked by the server for spamming.
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Wait who the heck is Sir Pony Moore? At firs I thought it was a disguise but I saw no mention of that... I'm so confused...