Chrysalis confronts Cadance about her powers. It's not good news.
My first fic.
Some words type into google translate for Galeic counterparts.
I read stories, I don't really watch a lot of MLP but I love reading the fics.
Chrysalis confronts Cadance about her powers. It's not good news.
My first fic.
Some words type into google translate for Galeic counterparts.
Why do so many people write Chrystal? It's Crystal! Crystal!
For any given sentence, never use more than one exclamation point or more than one question mark. !, ?, and ?! are good. What you did isn't.
Spelling.
Whenever you start a new speaker, start a new paragraph.
Pretty sure it's Amore.
Question mark.
This is an example of telling, not showing. Don't rely on bold, all caps, and such to convey emotion. Have their actions convey it. Don't say she's sad, describe her ears flopping and her voice growing soft. Don't WRITE IN ALL CAPS to show she's shouting, say how her voice's volume is pounding in her ears. The most you should ever need are italics and an exclamation mark, with description outside. There are exceptions to this rule, but this isn't one.
Spelling.
Wrong use of too.
Space after the quotation.
Comma after preparations. This isn't the only place, you miss a lot of commas throughout the piece.
Question mark missing.
2 periods?
This was a fantastic idea, but at the end I don't feel anything was really... resolved. Chrysalis abducts Cadance again, tells her for some reason as to how changeling magic works and how she could become a changeling queen if Shining 'shuns' her or something. You never actually explain why Chrysalis betrayed Cadance, and then at the end Chrysalis says that Shining will break her heart... and then what? Nothing is actually resolved, nothing was tied up.
Great for your first story, but go to this link and learn all they have to offer.
Actually when I typed in Bastard on google translate it came out as the so called misspelled version here. Sorry if my attempts at Irish Gaelic disappoint.
I enjoyed this. It is a very interesting idea, worth perhaps some expanding upon. A little editing and its golden, too. I have always loved seeing Chrysalis as the devious but not entirely malevolent "grey area villain."
the idea that those two are in fact sister is good idea in my book,
5268044 Yeah I'm actually not having any luck with that...