• Member Since 16th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 16th, 2021

Mobytums


Your friendly neighborhood gentleman trapped in the body of one of the world's deadliest predators. But worry not, I don't bite. Not since the incident...

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Twice an age has passed since the last great winter faded from memory, twice an age since the races of Equestria took their first steps from their shelters and tasted air ripe with the warmth of Spring.

The time of the Founders has long since passed and with them, the memory of bitter cold and harsh winds. The fearsome Windigos, eldritch beasts of hate and hoarfrost, reduced to mere bogey ponies. Tales told by mothers to frighten errant children. Those who once stood sentinel against the coming frosts, the Northknights, brave individuals of all races, have faded into obscurity along with their purpose. Protective eyes, now long dark in their graves, no longer watch the northern horizon.

The years have grown colder. Spring arrives later and later, and lasting only the blink of an eye. The bitter winds howl down from the highest peaks like the wails of banshees, stirring memories long forgotten. In an attempt to alleviate their worries, the Princesses dispatch their brightest minds and bravest hearts to restore connections to the Crystal Empire, now lost to Equestria behind driving blizzards and grinding glaciers. And yet, one sister cannot shake darker thoughts. Thoughts of hooves, frost-rimed and black, and ragged winds like howls from mountain tops.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

I eagerly await more of this story, you have truly piqued my interest it has the makings of an epic adventure. I approve.

This story will be updated less frequently than my main story (As infrequent as that itself may be), so don't expect to see it popping up that often.

Wha--? You hook a guy and then leave him hanging on the line, is that it? Is that how it goes, Mobytums the Gentleshark? :raritydespair: Bah, I'll follow the story just to spite you.

But really, this story's got a super-cool start (chortle). The world is dying, in a sense, and we'll be following Equestria in a struggle for survival. Windigos are top of my list for creepiest, awesomest villains from Friendship is Magic, so i'm real excited to see how you're gonna use them here.

I like the poetic feel of your description, although I feel like it could use a snappier start. Some short, attention-grabbing sentence to catch the eye. "The world is freezing," or "When snow falls, so does the kingdom," or "Autumn is leaving (double chortle)."

So, I'll drop you a question dropped on me, how dark is this gonna be? We talking watching our favorite ponies slowly waste away to skin and bones before the snowbears pick them clean? We talking Applejack killing in cold blood while Pinkie Pie gives in to the Nightmare? We talking Twilight getting to the Crystal Empire to find her family long dead?

More to the point, are we talking "grimdark" or just "really heavy"? First chapters often set the tone for the story to come, and this chapter makes it seem more like the latter.

I'm excited to get to know the OCs mentioned in the character tags (and Hail, if she's a regular character). If Somber Ties is any indication, you've got no issue making interesting, gripping original characters.

I'll also note that I haven't seen how you write any of the Mane Six besides Rarity in what amounts to a cameo, so I'm looking forward to seeing that, too. :pinkiehappy:

Not so much movement perhaps, more of a shit if the grey tones of her surroundings.

Perhaps "shift in?" :raritywink:

Fun fake-out in that scene, by the way. :twilightsmile:

“Excuses.” She snipped.

One sentence, remember? Join it with a comma.

"Excuses," she snipped.

So this is me, looking forward to more in the nonspecific future. :rainbowkiss:

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Wha--? You hook a guy and then leave him hanging on the line, is that it? Is that how it goes, Mobytums the Gentleshark? :raritydespair: Bah, I'll follow the story just to spite you.

I'm sorry! :raritycry:

But a shark has to have his priorities my good Hobby, and Somber Ties sits first in the update queue since it was first in line. Unfortunately I spent a few days searching for an editor to go over ST, but it ended up being time wasted so I've been set back a little. Expect an update soon, hopefully!

So, I'll drop you a question dropped on me, how dark is this gonna be? We talking watching our favorite ponies slowly waste away to skin and bones before the snowbears pick them clean? We talking Applejack killing in cold blood while Pinkie Pie gives in to the Nightmare? We talking Twilight getting to the Crystal Empire to find her family long dead?

Uhh...yes, I do believe I will clarify that for you.

No, definitely not grimdark. That's a no-no. There won't be any sanity warping content in this story thank you very much. :twilightblush: I placed a Dark tag to clarify that there will be death and morose scenes, but nothing more. I intend no grisly bone-picking moments, I assure you.

And you flatter me sir. I enjoy writing OCs, so I appreciate that you like what I manage to make of them. I am also excited as well to write the Mane 6! It's been a long time coming.

Perhaps "shift in?"

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at an unintentional mistake. Fixed. Hurriedly.

One sentence, remember? Join it with a comma.

D'oh, you're right! I forgot. :facehoof:

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I look forward to seeing you again then, my friend! To adventure!

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But a shark has to have his priorities my good Hobby, and Somber Ties sits first in the update queue since it was first in line. Unfortunately I spent a few days searching for an editor to go over ST, but it ended up being time wasted so I've been set back a little. Expect an update soon, hopefully!

More power to you. Sorry you couldn't find an editor. Where'd you go looking for them? I know there's dozens of editor groups on this site alone, and even that won't guarantee somebody'll be interested.

I've personally been going without, except for one story that was more of a collaboration. But that might be because I'm too prideful to ask for help. :unsuresweetie:

Uhh...yes, I do believe I will clarify that for you.

No, definitely not grimdark. That's a no-no. There won't be any sanity warping content in this story thank you very much. :twilightblush: I placed a Dark tag to clarify that there will be death and morose scenes, but nothing more. I intend no grisly bone-picking moments, I assure you.

Hay, that's my kinda dark right there. Heaviness, but not grisly hopelessness. I'm looking forward to the trials our heroes will face. :raritystarry:

And you flatter me sir. I enjoy writing OCs, so I appreciate that you like what I manage to make of them. I am also excited as well to write the Mane 6! It's been a long time coming.

And the excitement intensifies. :rainbowkiss:

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at an unintentional mistake. Fixed. Hurriedly.

It may not be your last, either. I had one passage where Male Love Interest was supposed to tell Rarity that she had "the countenance of a queen" but what I wrote was "the continence of a queen."

It stood there in its original form for almost a year. :raritydespair:

D'oh, you're right! I forgot. :facehoof:

There's so many rules, Moby. So many rules. :ajsleepy:

You are doing great on most of them, I want to point out.

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I searched an editor group and a few writers groups for volunteers, but as I said, I didn't have much in the way of luck. :raritycry:

And I agree with you for the most part, it couldn't be easy to have someone pick apart your story for errors but I feel it could help me improve. The main reason I'm in the editor market however is more to have someone give me a swift kick in the pants when I procrastinate on story writing. So perhaps a quarter part editor and the rest part-time babysitter. :twilightblush:

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