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Discord has been betrayed. First by Tirek, then by his 'friends'. He has had enough! Taking back his key (plus a bunch of other stuff) he leaves the universe he was form. Slowly he travels across the multiverse. Until he takes a right turn at the bleed and finds himself in a new universe. One different to him.
Now he has a huge opportunity. A new chance to rule.
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It doesn't bode well when even the description has errors.
... the bleed? You mean the 'bend'?
Forgot the question mark.
Going further in, your spelling and grammar is an atrocity. Certainly not the worst I've ever seen, but definitely very poor. Massive problems with were/where. You don't start new paragraphs with new speakers. The action is rushed, oh so rushed, and major things such as Discord's escape, stealing the keys, fighting Celestia etc. utterly glossed over.
Don't understand your fixation of having Discord's chocolate rain. He did that in S2 and then... well, never again because he IS change. He's Discord! Chaos incarnate, unpredictable change given form. Key word unpredictable. Having him always break out the chocolate milk is the opposite of unpredictable.
5220072 Yes not my best work I'm hoping to fix it..... for the record though earth is two logical so making it rain candy is a good way to cause scientist tumors
5220072 Also the Bleed? Think of it as the energy remnant at the edge of a multiverse by going right he leaved the multiverse he use to
5220519 Then explain that. Don't make us wonder in the story 'is that a typo or what'.
Whoa.....hmmm this needs some work, a lot of work. Anyways I got a prompt you might like I'll send you a pm.
This needs a lot of work with typos and really awkward transitions between events that leave me wondering too often. "What just happened?". I like the idea but it needs a lot of work.
"Potential" is really the only thing I can say about this... probably with the suffix "Lost" or "Poorly executed" attached.
You're writing definitely needs work. A lot of it. There are a lot of problems in this that need to be fixed. Maybe get an editor (Not me I suck at editing) or someone to help you a little.
Writing is hard, trust me I know. But at least you've attempted something and you're not the worst thing I've ever read. (Not by a long shot) But again I say you need a lot more practice. Try roleplaying or something, I find that a good way to develop my story writing skills.
Also the name of this story is just... meh. Doesn't catch the eye and doesn't read that good.
You know to be honest i would like to see a remake of this It's a very good idea. Although reading the name gave me an idea of where Discord gets betrayed one too many times. So he actually takes things seriously tell he fully takes of the world. So he instead of just sitting there while the elements hit him he actually moves. While also not making everything a joke. That's what i thought this story was originally about.