Discord finds Earth or Terra
Discord was pissed. Oh so very pissed. So what if he chose to help Tirek. Tirek tricked him! He did gave them his key to stop Tirek after he betrayed him. But Celestia was just power hungry, he knew it was true. After all she thought to control his powers! To use it to protect her ponies! Like he cared.
He didn't get back his key like he asked. No he was captured as his powers where weakened as anti magic chains where placed on him. He closed his eyes. The anti-magic chains should logically contain him. But that was there first mistake everyone makes. He had control over his magic the likes of which no one knew and twilight could hope to dream of. The only reason he gave them the key was that Tirek had somehow had a blocks to keep him form taking his powers back. The chains strained with a deep breath the chains broke as Discord strength shattered them. He stood up. He glared at the wall. With a cut to his paw by his own fang.
Twilight walked into the dungeon. It took some fighting on her part but she managed to get Discord set free into her care. "Discord sorry about what happened, I managed to...." She looked the chains where destroyed and a message written in blood.
Betrayed by Tirek, betrayed by friendship.
A scream was heard across the halls. As Twilight went to investee it. Celestia was found bleeding out cold her throne destroyed the guards smashed against the walls and Luna in a crater barely awake. The castle ripped apart by Discord powers.
(In space)
Discord held his key having fought (more of manhandled) Celestia for and took not only it but two other keys as well. After that he raided The vaults of the royal sisters then the crystal palace. Somehow Cadence forgot about Sombra crystals holding magical energies. He of course drained them increasing his powers and looked at the two keys. He glared at this. Without the six keys Equestria couldn't use the rainbow powers.
The elements where out as well the tree wouldn't hand it over for the ponies for thousands of years maybe never again. He cursed himself, he could tie them in power but he always let over confides be his end. He turned to Equestria. He was done with this world in a blue flash he was gone across the multiverse he goes.
(Unknown Universe)
A flash Discord appeared he landed on a moon. He was tired form his trips across creation. He saw realities like he had never before. He found several Equestrias ruled by him. One he found out he betrayed the ponies a little earlier turning it into a chaotic heaven. However he soon found ones like that in a few other. There was even ones where he and Celestia grew up together got married and had a happy kingdom of freedom and friendship.
He cursed the multiverse as he moved though it at random. He came to the bleed the energy cloud at the edge of the multiverse and took a right turn. He sat down on the ground on the moon. He looked up at the planet. It wasn't familiar. He closed his eyes letting him look around. The weird bipedal being. Humans like form the dimensions. However they where not techno colored and more.... something then those. He looked at them.
He saw protesting over things. Fighting over others. He saw leaders more power hungry then Celestia was in some realities, and as corrupt as the oceans where deep. He looked at a random people. He saw them laughing saying magic did not exist. Discord's eyes twitched at this he decided to expanded his awareness. True this dimension did not have magic, but a few nearby in this universe had what would go for magic. He used his powers to read minds wanting to know about this world the easiest way. He was disgusted by them! They only lived on a rock in a backwater part of reality. He had traveled across the multiverse maybe even into a whole new multiverse! Yet some of them where so close minded about things that he wanted to rip there heads off!
He had seen dimensions where gravity was different, where life did not life the way they did, he even saw places where logic went to die and reason was nothing! He had magic in his hands! He stood up looking at the rock. He leavened a rock up grabbing it he looked for a target with a throw he sent a moon rock into the planets atmosphere.
(UN)
Outside the building a flash was seen. Standing there was a person causing many to look at him. grey skin tone with mismatched eyes. He had a smile with a fang out. He was gone in a flash. Inside the building leaders and r came to speak. it was televised as the leaders spoke. That is until a flash was seen in the middle of the room. "Well now its fun to play pretend isn't it?" A voice said.
Everyone there saw the being with a wine glass holding chocolate milk. " Security!" They screamed with a raised hand everyone there floated the weapons removed and the camera showing the being. He took a sip and literally drink the glass and the milk. "Now your all wondering 'who is this man?' 'What is he doing with our leaders?' or 'How is he doing that?' Well to answer your questions." He came up at thing smoking a cigarette. Not like it harmed him one bit.
"In order, I am Discord, this is magic..." He said holding the energy in his hand. He smiled he could already see those running to say he was using hyper advance technology despite the fact a physical god was literally using magic. "Well I've come to rule you so these leaders are illegitimate." He summoned a olive branch turning it at the leaders with a creepy smile. Against all logic and scientific reasoning gun shots where heard and the leaders where gone. Finally a flash and the building was on fire. The traveler form another universe standing on top of the fire unaffected with a raise gloved hands the weather gave out chocolate rain.
Discord smiled at this new world.
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It doesn't bode well when even the description has errors.
... the bleed? You mean the 'bend'?
Forgot the question mark.
Going further in, your spelling and grammar is an atrocity. Certainly not the worst I've ever seen, but definitely very poor. Massive problems with were/where. You don't start new paragraphs with new speakers. The action is rushed, oh so rushed, and major things such as Discord's escape, stealing the keys, fighting Celestia etc. utterly glossed over.
Don't understand your fixation of having Discord's chocolate rain. He did that in S2 and then... well, never again because he IS change. He's Discord! Chaos incarnate, unpredictable change given form. Key word unpredictable. Having him always break out the chocolate milk is the opposite of unpredictable.
5220072 Yes not my best work I'm hoping to fix it..... for the record though earth is two logical so making it rain candy is a good way to cause scientist tumors
5220072 Also the Bleed? Think of it as the energy remnant at the edge of a multiverse by going right he leaved the multiverse he use to
5220519 Then explain that. Don't make us wonder in the story 'is that a typo or what'.
Whoa.....hmmm this needs some work, a lot of work. Anyways I got a prompt you might like I'll send you a pm.
This needs a lot of work with typos and really awkward transitions between events that leave me wondering too often. "What just happened?". I like the idea but it needs a lot of work.
"Potential" is really the only thing I can say about this... probably with the suffix "Lost" or "Poorly executed" attached.
You're writing definitely needs work. A lot of it. There are a lot of problems in this that need to be fixed. Maybe get an editor (Not me I suck at editing) or someone to help you a little.
Writing is hard, trust me I know. But at least you've attempted something and you're not the worst thing I've ever read. (Not by a long shot) But again I say you need a lot more practice. Try roleplaying or something, I find that a good way to develop my story writing skills.
Also the name of this story is just... meh. Doesn't catch the eye and doesn't read that good.
You know to be honest i would like to see a remake of this It's a very good idea. Although reading the name gave me an idea of where Discord gets betrayed one too many times. So he actually takes things seriously tell he fully takes of the world. So he instead of just sitting there while the elements hit him he actually moves. While also not making everything a joke. That's what i thought this story was originally about.