The Accident

This story was requested by Bronymaster in a chat I had in his group, and was somewhat inspired by SoGreatAndPowerful’s song, What Went Wrong. Constructive comments appreciated.

Thanks to BronyMaster who policed this story.

It was a hot summer day, the sort that warps reality, and makes it hard to see past the insidious mirages that blot the landscape. Ditzy was on her way to deliver an especially heavy package of books to Twilight Sparkle, the resident of the Library, which Ditzy thought was funny, because the entire thing was one big fire hazard. Yet, in the history of Equestria, that very tree had stood firm; a testament to the fact that not everything is as it seems.

Twilight Sparkle heard the soft tinkling cacophony of bells and turned around, only to feel blinding pain as Ditzy Doo collided with her face, the extra mass from the package adding to the force. All Twilight could think before she embraced unconsciousness was that the blueberry muffins tasted so good.

Ditzy stared in shock at Twilight, not expecting the package to have been delivered this way. She felt the sweet taste of something unidentifiable on her lips. Then she took a closer look at the purple mare lying on the rug. The shards of glass dug into Twilight, leaving red streaks through the room.

Oh no, what if I hurt her?

As expected of common sense, Ditzy Doo hoisted Twilight onto her back and flew off to the hospital. Not a thought was given to the fact that everything seemed to have doubles, even triples. Only the determination to bring Twilight to safety came through in the grey pegasus’ mind. Despite the numerous obstacles in the way, such as branches, weather vanes, and a bell, Ditzy finally managed to arrive at the hospital. Her hooves reached the door, and she felt funny.

Why is my hoof getting all blurry?

As she wondered, everything else faded to black.

The IV tubes were drip drip dripping, down into her veins. They provided a rhythmic pattern that made Ditzy feel safe, as if she was at home. She had read about them once, in a book about hospitals; to her, it was one of the scariest books in existence. Hopefully, nopony would like ponies getting hurt. Breathing, sharp and labored, cut through her thoughts much like heated, sharpened knives cut through butter. Ditzy Doo turned around, nerves screaming at her that something was wrong, that something was different, that she was not at home at all. What she found was Twilight who had been involved in her little accident. But why would the purple unicorn be sleeping next to her? Obviously something was wrong, and Ditzy was going to find out what it was if it was the last thing she would do. And then the memories came streaming back, coursing through her body, gouging at her, causing her head to split in a loud cacophony of tinkling.

Twilight heard whimpering in the darkness, and wondered who it was, what it was that made such a sad sound. As much as she tried, she couldn’t move as she wanted toward the sound, as if she were shackled. Next, she tried magic, as was to her instinct, but when she tried, her horn would only sputter. It was this that caused her to deduce, correctly, that she was not quite alive yet, that the crying may as well have been for her. So the purple unicorn tried harder, because she would not, could not abandon her friends. Giving up would have been one of the worst errors she had ever made.

Ditzy’s vision had cleared up enough so that she could see the flickering of Twilight’s eyes. It gave Ditzy Doo the reassurance that she had accomplished what she had set out to do. Slowly, the grey pegasus drifted back into a peaceful sleep, unmarred by the nightmares that had plagued her before. The last tear escaped with the sigh that carried weight off of Ditzy’s back, which left her dreaming among the clouds.

When Twilight came to, she saw Ditzy in front of her, sleeping peacefully. A soft smile slowly worked its way through Twilight’s tired countenance. They were safe, and that was what mattered; not the damage that Ditzy had caused, not the package filled with the books that Twilight Sparkle had wanted to read. Soon, Twilight drifted off as well.

Rainbow Dash had been knocking on Twilight’s door but when nopony came to answer, Dash assumed something was wrong, and immediately went to the window, hoping to get in. Spike was away on business in Canterlot, and Twilight had the habit of sleeping in late, especially when she had a research project. But Rainbow really wanted the next Daring Doo book, and was quite certain that Twilight would happily oblige. When she found the broken glass, and the blood smeared all over the carpet, the cyan pegasus could only assume the worst. A rainbow streak rocketed out in order to gather the other four friends.

“Whoa nelly”

Applejack was shocked when a sky blue blur knocked her over, burying itself into one of the apple trees. This was enough indication to Applejack that something was wrong; Rainbow Dash made mistakes to be sure, but never as severe as to actually hit a friend. If it was worth it to Rainbow Dash to rush that much, then Applejack wanted to know why.

“Rainbow Dash, what’s the rush?” asked Applejack when she saw that Rainbow Dash had finally reoriented herself.

“Twilight’s been kidnapped.”

“Slow down sugarcube, tell me everythin’.”

“Her window was broken and there was blood on the carpet”

“We’d better get the girls then.”

Both of them dashed off to find the three remaining friends, each with their own set of worries on their minds.

When Ditzy Doo and Twilight Sparkle next awoke, they were met with the warm smell of cinnamon and sweet, crisp apples, courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres, that provided much of the hospital’s food. Having been on the IV drip for so long, both were starving. Nurse Redheart shook her head as she watched the two mares ravenously rip through the trays in front of them. It was a good sign that they were recovering quickly and would be released soon. Ditzy was happy, able to eat apple muffins peacefully. For now, there was none of the stresses of her job, her little sister, the bits.

And then the truth hit Ditzy like the tinkling glass, cutting through the thin threads that had held her together. She was already in danger of getting fired, sporting a track record as long as the rumored distance to the moon, and she had left her sister alone. Who knew what state her sister would be in by now? So the sobbing began over again, spreading into the sheets, dampening them.

“What’s wrong?” came the unexpectedly kind voice.

“I-I... what went wrong?” asked the grey pegasus to nopony in particular.

“Huh?”

Twilight Sparkle was utterly confused. The mailmare had always appeared to be so happy, joyfully eating muffins, taking her sister to school. This was something different, a side of Ditzy that Twilight wasn’t sure that she was ready to see, was supposed to see. The unicorn mare suddenly felt as if she was but a filly again, not having to shoulder the same weight and what accompanied it, not understanding. It was this feeling that always frustrated Twilight, the feeling of not being able to know, of, maybe, not wanting to know.

Nurse Redheart, on the other hand was used to this: the loss, the guilt ,the hurt. She was already at Ditzy’s side, comforting, lavishing the attention and love which Ditzy had missed for too long. The tears began again, but this time out of joy; relief that there was somepony to reveal the years of grief to, somepony to cry on. But it was also a way for Ditzy to start over. She wouldn’t be able to support anypony if she was weak.

Having recovered, the two were released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. Twilight was determined to get to the bottom of Ditzy’s outburst, and Ditzy was on her way to her little sister.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack had finally gathered Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. They all milled around the library, anxiously

“Al-hah-right,” panted Rainbow Dash, ”so uh, you guys know” - hah - “Twilight’s been
kidnapped:”

“How silly dear” said Rarity, who was skeptical that anypony would want to kidnap Twilight, let alone be able to kidnap her. Twilight was an accomplished unicorn after all.

“Oh, oh de-”

“But I feel my tail shaking, and my knee is twitch-a-twitchin'. That means that a friend is coming” interrupted Pinkie Pie who started to spasm uncontrollably.

“Wait what?” the rest of them asked in unison.

Just then, Twilight Sparkle walked up to them with a window surrounded by a soft purple glow levitating behind her.

“What are you girls doing here?”

The five mares turned around to face Twilight Sparkle, shock pouring out of their faces. None of them had expected to find the purple unicorn the way they had. Applejack broke the resulting silence.

"Rainbow, ya lied."

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Comments ( 27 )

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Balmas

Balmas #1 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

Well, I've got a few questions: I understand that Ditzy hit Twilight, but in the third paragraph, you mention glass. Did she come through the window? Is that what happened?

Paragraph 5: Should probably be "Her hoof reached the door.

I'm curious to see where you plan to go with this.

Also, first.

Ian Hooligan

Ian Hooligan #2 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

Mmm... interesting start, shall wait to see how this develops.

Also, a good excuse to procrastinate on my work.

You have gained my curiosity, good sir or madam.

n #3 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

497130
Yes, she came through the window. Thanks for the correction.
497139
I love this artist. They drew what is my profile pic as well.

Anon251P

Anon251P #4 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

was in shock should be she was shocked.

n #5 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

497473
Well, it was me trying a new style sorta. The tinkling was a metaphor, and they end up kissing by accident lol. I also intended for there to be some confusion since they are in somewhat of a haze before they get out of the hospital.
498061
As far as I can tell, in shock is better. Thanks for the advice though.

n #6 · Apr 25th, 2012 · · ·

498825
Good luck on your other stories. I'll be in the Author Support group and around if you want me to help you.

iSmartMan

iSmartMan #7 · Apr 26th, 2012 · · ·

At first I had thought that this story was somewhat bland with no real narrative or foreshadowing being set up, but upon my second reading, I noticed some details that intrigue me. Why does the sound of IV drips relax Ditzy and make her think of home, but the idea of them terrifies her? What plans could have prompted the decision to change Dinky from Ditzy's daughter to her sister? I'll probably track this story for a bit and see where you plan to take it.

Still, no author can improve without criticism, so here's a few things to think about. I'm all for trying out new styles (in reference to the chaotic part at the beginning), but it felt a bit like you were sacrificing coherency in order to do so. I had no idea what was going on during that part, and I kept thinking I had missed something. If you were trying to convey the sense of chaos going on, I'd advise you to have a section before the jumbled part that's written in a more ordered style, in order to have something for the chaotic part to contrast with. If you start us off with confusion when we don't know what normal is, then our first impression is one of gibberish.

Also, the story's pacing is all over the place. Ditzy may have just been through a stressful ordeal, but when she was being comforted by Nurse Redheart, she went a bit too quickly from despair, to comforted, to resolving to make a fresh start. I would have liked it if that were more spread out over her recovery and Twilight had helped her through some of that soul-searching. Speaking of the time spent in the hospital, how long had they been there? Their injuries sounded severe, but they were released before Rainbow Dash had finished rounding up their friends to look for Twilight.

n #8 · Apr 26th, 2012 · · ·

504640
Ah, pacing, my worst enemy. It comes from my avoidance of my friend's editing. I'm going to say that the beginning seems coherent enough for me, but then again, I'm planning to revisit that later. Also, magic. Ponies are durable.

Thanks for the review though.

Arby

Arby #9 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Mmm... Arby is glad that he checked out the user page. This is a fine story although I must agree with the comment two above mine. The pacing is a little erratic. I'm not sure which is worse in terms of pacing for general artists; erratic pacing, slow pacing, or fast pacing... but this story is a nice read. I also encourage continuing it.

Mr. Masato/Arby Works.

n #10 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

532091
Sorry about that. I've had a lot of trouble finding a good prereader. Maybe this time I can get something worked out.

Arby

Arby #11 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

532096 Arby can preread. He can't ensure that he's able to spot every single little grammar thing, but I can check on pacing and whatnot. My stories are often slow paced which has worked out favourably with my readers (so far, of my main fic The Apple Spectrum), so I can help out there.

Mr. Masato/Arby Works.

n #12 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

532105
The more the better. I'll send you a link tomorrow when I have more sleep than 2 hours. I don't even want to talk about my previous prereaders.

Arby

Arby #13 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

532109 Aha, whyzza-oh, right, no talk...

*AHEM* Alrighty then. Until next time,
Mr. Masato/Arby Works.

Death_Brony

Death_Brony #14 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

The IV tubes were drip drip dripping, down into her veins. Nice use of an onomatopoeia.

When, Twilight came to, she saw Ditzy in front of her, sleeping peacefully. That first comma shouldn't be there.

“Twilight’s been kidnapped”
“Slow down sugarcube, tell me everythin’”
“Her window was broken and there was blood on the carpet” Is it just me, or are there supposed to be periods after these sentences?

HAHA, I love the ending. I must say, this story is pretty good. It's got a damn good plot. But now I find myself wanting more. Damn I hate waiting for new chapters.... Write on, my friend!

Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\

n #15 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

533003
oh man, what happens when I can't find a decent editor........
uh....

Death_Brony

Death_Brony #16 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

533006 Eh, you can't expect an editor to spot every little mistake. Unless that editor is me... I'm a horrible grammar nazi. Either way, your editor must be doing a darn good job if there were only those two mistakes. But now it is PERFECT!!

Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\

n #17 · May 2nd, 2012 · · ·

533015
The last editor I got decided to forget English and give me a Chinese version. The editor before that.... I don't want to mention what that person did.

Death_Brony