Dragons have been relying on shipments of gems to live. These gems have served them well as a substitute for meat. They know that to go to war with Princess Celestia would be paramount to suicide. Yet food is running scarce. Their only remaining source seems to be the ponies. While Princess Celestia maintains the facade, the problem festers.
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Looks like a promising premise. Better see how it goes.
Considering how massive the dragons are in the show, ponies wouldn't be a good food source. An intelligent hunter must consider the cost of the energy it expends while hunting prey and subtract it from the amount of energy gained from consuming it. This is the reason sharks don't eat us whenever they see us. We don't have enough meat on us to be worth it. Most shark attacks are the result of sharks mistaking us for prey species because our surf boards make us look bigger than we are. Once they realize their mistake, they usually let go and swim away. Considering this, why would a dragon for after something so small and potentially dangerous to feed itself?
431636
They eat ponies like whales eat krill. That wood stuff doesn't really give them indigestion. They only fear Princess Celestia because she controls the sun. The sun is pretty dangerous.
431666
Oh, so they just open their massive mouths and hundreds of ponies helplessly swim in? I'm sorry to be "that guy," but the biologist in me is shaking his head.
431694
Dragons are pretty fast o.0
This could be interesting
I can see that this will prelude a great story. The cover art also contributed to the understanding of the to-be adventure. Waiting for the next chapter!
Seems like an interesting idea, but right now it's not a whole lot more than a summary, so it's hard to give much of an opinion.
One thing, though, I'm not yet convinced that this situation would be so hard on Rarity. Even if there's some kind of tax that demands she give up 90% of the gems she harvests, she still has an easier time finding them than most, so the portion she gets to keep would be very valuable. She said prices keep going up, and since she's a supplier, that's a good thing for her. Or if she has to pay a fee in bits for each individual gem she digs up (which wouldn't make a lot of sense), that still leaves her with her full collection of jewels she can sell, probably right back to the government, since the gems themselves are what's needed, not money. But perhaps I'm over-analyzing.
Also, don't forget to justify the absence of Rarity's parents if you say she's taking care of her sister. A lot of stories just completely ignore their existence and state it as a matter-of-fact that Rarity is raising Sweetie Belle on her own, which has been untrue for a while now.
Anyway, I don't mean to sound too critical, just a couple points that made me wonder. The story has potential, so I don't want to sound overly negative.
432056
Uh... oops....
I've been reading a lot, way too much apparently. I've gotten to the point where I'm glossing over plot holes because sometimes it doesn't really make sense to consider them. I'm apparently at 9 million words read now of Pony fic alone.
It's time to go fix things then...
432105
Well at least Rarity's portion is probably a secondary element to the story, instead of critical details central to the entire premise, right?
432219
Which is why it ended up unnoticed
431694
I'm on the fence on this. While you are rather serious and the author is not, we dont have a lot to work with on dragon diets. It seems they'll eat anything, gem, plant of animal. I will, for the sake of knowledge, run a few numbers on this though.
Using deer/horse information, we'll estimate a few things-
A 4 foot tall deer tall,weights about 300 pounds. A typical 12 hand (4 foot tall) horses weight around 600-700 pounds. 650 to be simple.
Normal edible weight: 50-75%, or 150-225 pounds for the deer and 325-487 for the horse.
Mammalian predators typically need to eat around 5% of their mass per day, averaged out (a very large number of animals gorge then fast, so this even the original numbers for each individual species was already a rough average). Crocodiles are just a little behind that at around 4%. 5% is decent generalization for most larger animals, from dogs to whales, so it should be a good estimate for what a dragon will need.
Now, I cant get enough information to estimate a dragon's size in MLP, so that's a problem. Even ball parking the weight will be tough; I would probably need a bit of background knowledge of airplanes and more knowledge on birds to figure out an honest weight, but I don't have time for that so I'll use the size/weights from D&D for a red dragon, the most common variety:
An adult dragon weights around 20000 lb, is 55 feet long and has a comfortable carrying capacity of 500 pounds while flying. (as context, humans are listed as considering 30-40 pounds as a comfortable load). We will use this adult dragon because older, larger ones are simply unreasonable to consider, but here are the stats for the largest, oldest dragons: 120 feet long, 1,280,000 pounds and able to carry 2000 pounds. It'll need 64000pounds a day. Simply no.
Adult dragons sync up rather well though: A dragon just large enough to carry a pony would need to eat roughly two ponies worth of meat a day to fill itself. If the dragon is eating the pony's bones, it would need a pony and a deer to make the day's hunt successful, or two ponies for every three days.
To be honest, I don't see how Equestria could exist at all if dragons had the option of digging for gems (keep in mind there have been countless other generations also digging, so they'll need to go deep to find anything) or eating two ponies every three days. Gems would have to rapidly grow and be rather filling. All animal life would need to be a well maintained farm.
432514>>431694
Let's put it this way, scientifically (in a human sense) Equestria is somewhat dysfunctional. The fact that Pinkie Pie exists basically throws most human physics out the window.
432624 To be honest, I simply wished to out Science everyone commenting on the story, you included.
432737
Obviously you would need to introduce a new system to explain Equestria...
431636>>432737>>432624
Why don't all just focus on the obvious promise this story has, as a story. Next, Ponies don't talk, Pinkie can see us, and sonic booms that look like rainbows are not real. Screw logic, this is Equestria!! Can't wait for more.
Review Time!!!
So interesting...
Because nobody likes critiscm.
1) I would have to partially agree with the other two critics that pointed out physics. But this is, of course, Equestria. And whatever Pinkie says goes. But even with that being said, there are a few things that bug the mind. What I don't understand is how many dragons are there? Plus gems take awhile to solidify and actually form, but maybe its magic. Who knows. But if there really are that much dragons, then Rarity and all the other designers wouldn't even have that much gems to begin with. Also, when they ate ponies, that would be in mass amounts. And if they ate in mass amounts, ponies wouldn't have time to find their special talents and just be spending their whole life guarding their towns. I don't know, it's just something I find a tad annoying,
2) I also have a little problem with the format. I like how you're just trying to supply a backstory, but then it kinda strays to the whole scene with the Princess, and the one with Rarity. I almost feel like your going from informational to narrative.
I don't like critiscm.
1) Once again, an interesting idea! I love how you can just think outside the box, and then randomly deliver something that executes the idea so perfectly. I have no idea how you come up with these concepts, but it really sparks the mind.
2) Dragons aren't really elaborated on a lot, and even then they're incredibly shallow. I think this story has so much potential, and I can't wait to see what you do with it later on. It could also spike the idea of how ponies, (the obvious higher race) co-exist with other mythical creatures. (dragons, gryphons, manticores, etc.) Bravo.
Over all, you get a:
4/5 Scoots!
Wow, how consistent! Haha, seriously. I think your writing is so rich and rare, so I really love that abut everything you've written. The one reason you didn't get the last Scoot is lack of description and reasoning, I guess. I'd just love for it to be more specific.
GiddyOnUp
467343
My bad. This was more of an introish type chapter. I am going to get into detail later, but that requires research. I was interrupted by other ideas which I then had to write.
467389 Yeah, I totally understand. Just thought I should put in my 2 cents, since there was a huge request in the group.
467408
I was the one that started that lol. It's nice to see that there had been a decent response.
Ahh yes, baby dragons. Not so cute when they can burn just about anything with a breath, as a bonus the guards are stuck with five of them. (now minus one)
Also it says in the second to last paragraph that:
Already, the two of the chariots hard burned when the hatchlings had woken up and breathed fire in their panic.
Do you mean 'had' instead of 'hard' or is 'hard burned' a expression?
485716
thanks... I don't know how I managed to revoke submission lol
Ohhhh, you added stuff! I liked it, a lot. Especially the part with the guard and the mother. That was cute! Also, baby dragons= adorable. Baby dragons burning shi* up= not so adorable.
Hey, v-dub, congratulations and good work, imma let you finish. But I have to say something'! This was awesome! Pretty much jus' another compliment!
491996
Thanks lol, I wish I could've spent more time on this though. It's been like an hour an chapter.
486040
Thanks for prereading it a little.
492784
Seriousky, I got a sneak peek and that was epic!
The pleasure was all mine!
This story has a mountain of potential!
525679
If I continue it beyond my 1 hour of effort sure.
525680
>F
525680
pls update lol