Vicarious

"Vicariously I,/Live while the whole world dies./Much better you than I." -Tool, 'Vicarious'

Spike brings a Ouija board to the Cutie Mark Crusader's slumber party on Nightmare Night. However, things get really strange. It is just a game, right?

Written for the Poniverse Nightmare Night Contest.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Muzikgyrl

Muzikgyrl #1 · Oct 29th, 2014 · · ·

Great song, great story, overall fantastic job!

Yoshi89

Yoshi89 #2 · Oct 31st, 2014 · 1 · ·

Poor Crusaders. They just can't get away with nuttin'.

Batbrony

Batbrony #3 · Nov 2nd, 2014 · 2 · ·

Gosh, this story was creepy as buck! Great job Closer-To-The-Sun. As a Christian myself, anything related to demons in fiction always makes me considerably uncomfortable, at least when it's done well, and that was most definitely the case here, especially with the ouija board as a plot device. For some reason, I thought that the earlier bits, like, the first 3/4 of the story, were considerably creepier than the big reveal in the last fourth, but the ending was still plenty creepy all the same. I don't know, maybe it was because once the demon got revealed and started talking about taking over the world, even though he was still plenty scary, it kinda felt like an MLP villain reveal. That's not really a critique because, like I said, the story was still plenty creepy (especially when Scootaloo asked her question), I guess maybe the reason I didn't find the ending to be nearly as scary was because there's so many possibilities out there for what could happen next. Yeah, horror authors galore have written short stories with ambiguous endings like this that forbode bad things for the rest of the world, but those are usually in the human world. For some reason, it wasn't quite as scary here just because fighting a demon sounds like something the Mane 6, in the magical land of Equestria, would do every other Tuesday. Granted, I'm sure there's plenty of scenarios where the demon could enslave the world, but there's also plenty of scenarios where he could get his plot handed to him by all sorts of magical beings. I could be over-thinking this, but whatever, that's what I do.

As I said before, though, what sticks out to me most was that this was excellently written and plenty scary. Well done!

Oh, and it also taught me that Scootaloo can be kind of an a**hole sometimes.

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5199008

Just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your Nightmare Moon avatar, great find! You have fantastic taste, Muzikgyrl!

Siegfried

Siegfried #4 · Nov 9th, 2014 · · ·

Nice. I'm guessing Sweetie Belle ends up as some kind of Ghost, or somehow survives and becomes a hunter... May the lord have mercy on whatever creatures of the night she finds..

Fluttercheer

Fluttercheer #5 · Nov 1st, 2015 · · ·

No, Scootaloo. :(
Almost tempted to write a sequel for that, where Twilight exorcises this demon out of her body, if it wouldn't ruin the atmosphere of that one.

Gadgetphile