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Incidental Pegasus No. 5

Joined February 2012
191 followers

Stories (2)

  • To Make Old Friends
    In an alternate Equestria, Fluttershy tries to find her friends

    35,622 words · 4,552 views · 415 likes · 8 dislikes
  • The Fabulosity of a Winning Fashionista
    Rarity and Applejack deal with their feelings for each other. Sort of. It's complicated.
    19,505 words · 4,876 views · 502 likes · 23 dislikes

It started out as an ordinary day for Fluttershy – waking up in her house in Cloudsdale and going to work managing the weather for Ponyville alongside her best friend Cloud Kicker. However, she finds herself troubled by feelings she can't explain, feelings that something serious is wrong. When she starts having visions of a strange life with strange ponies, she's determined to find them and find out what's going on. But how can such a timid pony convince others of what she isn't sure of herself?

First Published
23rd Apr 2012
Last Modified
4th Mar 2013

Comments ( 219 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 1d ago · · ·

Hmm, let's see where this is going...

#2 · Chapter 1 · 121w, 4d ago · · ·

Writing's ok, story concept is intriguing, and the plot is thickening at a decent pace.  I'll favorite this to keep an eye on it.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 118w, 2d ago · · ·

Interesting start to the story; curious to see where it goes from here.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 118w, 1d ago · · ·

Quite an interesting beginning. I hope you're continuing this! :fluttershysad:

#5 · Chapter 2 · 118w, 1d ago · · ·

Very intriguing update.So Pinkie's a rock salespony and we've got Orangejack. Curious to see what's going on with Twilight (if i had to guess, she either failed to become Celestia's student, or is still a friendless shut-in) and Rarity (no idea, aside from a presumable lack of fabulosity).

Pinkie and Rainbow's reactions seem to be hinting that they might be having the same experiences as Fluttershy,

The Cutie Mark Crusaders never forming has some interesting implications when combined with Apple Bloom saying that she's the only pony in her class with a blank flank. Either Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo aren't in her class in this universe, or the CMC's escapades actually slowed down their gaining of their Cutie Marks (which would kind of make sense).

Looking forward to more.

#6 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

>>626391

Thanks!

In this universe, Apple Bloom had an easier time avoiding Diamond Tiara's cuteceñera, so she didn't meet Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo there.  Even when they met in the regular universe, they were all suprised that there were other blank flanks.  In season 2 at least, there are plenty of ponies without cutie marks at their school, if not their class.  I think even Thunderlane's brother, who was old enough to get invited to tornado duty, didn't have one.  So the girls aren't in her class, but they're around - she just hasn't noticed she isn't as alone as she thinks.  

In both universes, a lot the Crusaders'/Apple Bloom's angst is because they can be really unobservant when it comes to cutie marks - which is probably why the CMC haven't noticed all the obvious lessons that their strategy of trying everything isn't really helping.

#7 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Now this tickled my interest.

I wonder what kind of jobs Twilight and Rarity picked up.

#8 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Congrats on getting this onto Equestria Daily.

#9 · Chapter 1 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Okay. The world isn't ruled by Discord. The world hasn't been engulfed by eternal night. The changelings haven't left all ponies emotionless husks.

Is this a timeline where Luna was never corrupted?

A simpler one where the Sonic Rainboom never happened? But who purified Luna then?

And if this an alteration of fate, I don't see who exactly is profiting here.

This timeline doesn't seem better or worse, just different.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·
#11 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm guessing Rarity moved to Canterlot long ago.

I do wonder who defeated Nightmare Moon? Doesn't Fluttershy remember that incident?

Or........was there never a Nightmare Moon in this timeline? :D

#12 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

By the way the story's going, I'm willing to bet that Rarity either works with Pinkamena, or is a miner herself.

Twilight's fate is intriguing, while Spike's fate is pure Nightmare Fuel...I am so tracking this. Can't wait for more.

#13 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

The one bug here, is the idea that the mane six couldn't find OTHER ways to find happiness/individuality/fulfillment to achieve their cutie marks other than the ways they did in the cartoon. I just don't like it. It feels, restraining to me.

#14 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

As I said on ED, I do so love alternate universe to real stories. And this so far is a good one, if nothing else for the fact that Fluttershy is a weather pony who has no REAL problem with it or flying everywhere in general

But....I do hope there's something about the lack of the whole eternal darkness thing and all.

#15 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

>>643381

That may have been deliberate on the part of whatever force split the mane six up...

#16 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Interesting story.  I'll be interested in seeing what's going to happen.  Keep up the good work.  

Also, I LOVE the picture of Fluttershy you have up there.  It's adorable!

#17 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Oh darn. I wanted to write something with this premise.

But you're doing a great job with it! :twilightsmile:

#18 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmm, the only thing that would have kept Fluttershy in Cloudsdale after basic training, would be if on the day the Rainboom was to happen, Dash was absent. Fluttershy fell when Dash left the starting line so: no Dash, no fall, no Rainboom, no life calling realization for any of them.

Leaving the question of what caused this; is it a Great evil. or just a glimpse into what could have been...

#19 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

This reminds me of an episode of Doctor Who. In fact, it's exactly like Turn Left, one of my personal favorites. I assume that in this universe, Rainbow Dash backed down from the race challenge and never performed the sonic rainboom.

#20 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmmmm, judging from the lack of Rainboom Mk.1 induced marks and character placements I'm guessing that the Pegasus race never happened.  I'd hazard a guess that Rainbow had been flying somewhere else that day, but since this story is about Fluttershy, it's likely that she used some assertiveness or parental influence to get herself out of the bullies' spotlight.

Man, everything's going to go down hard when Nightmare Moon shows up.

#21 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Weather-mare :fluttershbad:

Rock farmer :pinkiesad2:

Sad aristocrat :ajsleepy:

Boring and ordinary :rainbowderp:

Probably still in fashion :raritycry:

Remedial job/librarian :facehoof:

                    (probably no magic as well)

This is what I see

#22 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Is it just me or does Pinkamina in this one remind you a lot of Stan from the monkey island series?

:pinkiehappy:

#23 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>643352

Its also quite possible this other timeline hasn't reached Nightmare Moon yet!  We've got indications that the original/real timeline is well past there, but that doesn't mean this new one is.  It would also explain the lack of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

#24 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Fluttershy in the CMC.

:yay:

#25 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Just read both chapters so far and the concept is pretty intriguing. Only critique/suggestion that I can offer is that I noticed Apple Bloom's speech/text is not written with a very heavy accent. Now this t'aint a big deal :ajbemused: but I thought I'd throw it out there if Apple Bloom or inevitably Apple Jack has more speech. ~ Though, come to think of it. I don't know if this was just extremely clever that maybe because Applejack isn't around that her accent didn't get ingrained on Apple Bloom... And shoot, with AJ in the city she probably wouldn't either... :pinkiegasp: ~ Looking forward to more!

Also, CLOUD KICKERS UNITE! :yay:

#26 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Or maybe...in this world, Luna was never corrupted. She was still Luna and neve became jelous of her sister.

#27 · Chapter 1 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Mmm the paceing peaves somthing to be desired but Otherwise is really good qnd im curious to see whqt happens next in this story:)

#28 · Chapter 1 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Pacing* leaves* and*

Sry about my spelling im typing this w/ a laggy touch screen XD

#29 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

I like the story so far and look forward to new chapters.

Of all the mane 6, the most shy and timid, Fluttershy, is the one searching for answers so far. Interesting choice.

#30 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Quite a turn from what I expect from the mane 6. Looking forward to where it will lead.

#31 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

>>643352

Nightmare Moon: "AFTER ONE THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE! THE NIGHT WILL LAST FOREVER!"

Celestia: "LYRA, NIGHTMARE MOON'S ESCAPED, ASSEMBLE A TEAM OF PONIES WITH FRIENDSHIP!"

*Theme song*

#32 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Nice! Hints of a classic "for want of a nail" setup, although I wouldn't be complaining if something else turns out. Also interesting to have a slightly less reclusive Fluttershy as the main character. I don't think she gets enough spotlight usually.

Also, Cloud Kicker? Interesting choice. Underexposed but sufficiently recognizable tertiary background pony that at least a good part of the fanbase will know who she is. Can do a good job of backing Fluttershy up without stealing attention as a more famous pony would.

Looking forward to seeing where this will go!

#33 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

As far as I can see the only difference between this and canon is RD never did the sonic rainboom, right?

#34 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Very interesting premise. It does leave me wondering about what the point of "temporal diverson" (as a sci-fi fan, I'm embarrassed to admit I don't know the term for it) was. It seems obvious the sonic Rainboom never happened, but why? GIven that it's Fluttershy who seems aware of the change, I'd guess it was she who did something differently. Perhaps she stood up to the bullies at flight camp on her own, so that RD never had to help her.

#35 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 4d ago · · ·

Sooooooooo... If Fluttershy grew up differently, she wouldn't have gone to flight camp, therefore Rainbow Dash wouldn't have challenged whatstheirnames to a race in the defense of Flutters, resulting in no sonic rainboom, resulting in no cutie marks.

#36 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

Im liking this story,since they dont have there cutiemarks im guesing the sonic rainboom never happened therefore Applejack didnt go back home Pinkie never found happiness im not sure would of happend to Rarity Rainbow Dash backed down from the race or didn't hit Fluttershy at the start and twiligh"Twilight  failed her entrance exam so spike doesnt exist and Celestia never met her but what happened with Nightmare Moon?:derpyderp1:

#37 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

Sounds interesting. I'll be reading this later.

#38 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 2d ago · · ·

Pretty cool! Not sure where this is going, but...

#39 · Chapter 1 · 117w, 2d ago · · ·

the writing is a bit clumsy but the concept makes up for it. i'm so curious where this is going

#40 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 2d ago · · ·

So many comments - thanks to everyone for reading and for the kind words. It looks like a lot of people have more or less the same idea about where this universe diverged from the regular one.

As for Nightmare Moon and the current lack of unending darkness, there is an in-universe explanation for that. Mostly though, beginning with Nightmare Moon triumphant would be a much different and darker story than the one I had in mind. I certainly don't mind a good darker fic if I'm in the mood for it, but I didn't really want to write one. Especially not one starring Fluttershy.

>>644528

With accents, I'm hoping I can get them across without too many phonetic changes. I'm writing chapter 3 now, and Granny Smith, who has the same accent here as she usually does, talks, and I'm trying to get her speech patterns across without doing anything to disrupt the reader's flow. I've read stuff by much more experienced, professional writers who went a bit overboard with writing accents into the dialog, and I don't want anyone to have to slow down over patches of some character's dialog or have to re-read it a bunch of times just to piece out what they're saying.

As for Apple Bloom, having grown up with her brother, she does take after him more than her regular counterpart does. Of course, without Applejack around to handle some of the business aspects, Big Mac is a bit more talkative here, if only out of necessity.

#41 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 1d ago · · ·

I'm liking this premise and looking forward to reading more.  Thanks! :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

#42 · Chapter 2 · 115w, 5d ago · · ·

SO AWESOME!!!! i think i know what it is, too! it's an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE RAINBOW DASH NEVER PERFORMED THE SONIC RAINBOOM!!!!!!! oooo, i cant WAIT for the next installment! get writing!!!!!!!!!! :rainbowdetermined2::derpytongue2:

#43 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Very nice update. Rarity working at Sugarcube Corner surprised me at first, but it really does fit. She's still indulging her artistic side and dreams of bigger things, but now it's edible art instead of fasionable art.

Also, is that a reference to my fic I spot? :pinkiehappy:

#44 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Verah nice. :moustache:

In particular, I'm enjoying the Fluttershy and Cloud Kicker. Almost a bit of a relief to see Cloud Kicker toned down to regular setting after reading somepony's take on her.

Also loving how this version of the mane 6 are fairly ordinary instead of at the top of their games. Excellent commentary on the magic of friendship.

#45 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

I have a theory that in this story Nightmare Moon might not of attacked yet but she soon will and then the main 6 will team up and beat her. I don't know, just a thought. Also I suppose this is a world where Rainbow never did a sonic rainboom, thus denying the 6 their Cutie Marks, but that's a bit obvious. Anyway awesome story.

#46 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

My personal theories on whats going on

1.) Fluttershy had a real bad accident and this is all a dream of hers.

2.) Discord or some other bad guy has put them into a lotus eater like device

3.) there is a dimensional riff. I also would like to say I think in this world, Luna never became her nightmare self or was never born.

#47 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

>>744279

Rarity was definitely the hardest of the alternate mane six for me to get a handle on what she was up to, but I'm pretty happy with the way she turned out. (Pinkie as a salespony just seemed to click right away. Rarity, not so much.) Writing has definitely made me very sympathetic towards her perfectionist streak.

(Poor Sweetie Belle, though. Even in an alternate universe, Rarity still has a job she's not any good at.)

And yes, yes it is.  :pinkiehappy:

#48 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 5d ago · · ·

Wait, the twins are around? That came fairly late in season 2.  Well there goes my theory that this is a no-boom set Pre-nightmare moon. Unless...

Cannon Pinkie was kind of child-like right?  If the Cakes took her in as so much fannon seems to portray, it's possible that they might have held off on having foals until they were older (i.e. until Season 2).  Given that Pinkie stayed with her parents it's likely that the Cakes felt no such restrictions, which would allow them to have them much earlier.  Events in the timeline are tweaked a bit, but this is still pre-Nightmare.  Moon's going to crash down so hard come Midnight of the Third Day and poor Twilight's probably serving hay fries at a trot-thru somewhere so she won't be much help.

I guess there is a bit of hope though: Fluttershy's prolonged stay on the ground is giving her more interaction with animals, so she may earn her mark yet.  And if Fluttermat can do it then I'm not going to give up on the rest of the manesix.

Still, there must be some seriously deep magic at work in the background if FannonShy is getting memories from CannonShy.  >>745287 has brought up some good theories (if this is a Lotus Eater Machine it'd probably have to be a group one).  I don't know what to think yet as there's not enough conclusive evidence, but it'll certainly be a ride finding out!

#49 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 4d ago · · ·

I'm loving this so far...I can't wait to read more :)

#50 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 4d ago · · ·

I am Really worried about how twilight is doing...

without her magic, the princess, nor Spike, Failing the unicorn academy test... what would become of her?

change knowledge for looks and turn into a model? keep the books and turn into a teacher? become a worse than before recluse?

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