my life started and ended quite quickly with another chance i made the most of it.
the normal life of human nick soon turned for the better when his good deed in an ally way mugging sends
him to the placehe wanted to go. Equestria
the story follows him on his adventures until either i run out of ideas ( i hope i don't writing is pretty fun to me) or i feel the story has run its course.
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I'm sorry, but it is badly written.
First of all, HIE's are common. There are at least a 1000 of them (no kidding). So if you make one, try to be original.
I do not see how this is original.
Besides, your writing style is weird:
Guy 2 “ok kid you asked for it!”
should be:
“ok kid you asked for it!” the second guy shouted at me.
There are also a lot of grammar mistakes.
I'm sorry, but this story is a grammatical nightmare starring a Mary Sue character ('I was fast but stealthy I did parkour it honed my skills' is NOT how you should approach an introduction of a character). Try re-reading your work out loud, and if the natural flow of your speaking voice encounters a pause add a comma (,). For example, your last paragraph, ignoring the spelling mistakes would flow much better with proper punctuation:
I remembed the fanfics from the show and how they'd made me wish my life was better, how they'd given me hope and made me happy when I was sad. I smiled as I felt my life leaving me, my last thought on the ponies that had made me happy for the months that had happened to be the last few of my life.
If you want to continue with your writing (something I'd strongly suggest anyone do, it's great fun) then you may need to consult a guide to the intricacies of the English language or else ask other writers for tips on your punctuation. Keep doing your thing, it is your story after all, but keep it in mind if you want to improve your work to the point that you can gather a reading base of your own.
This is really good. Nice work
487928 thanks for commenting man i know im not the greatest writer im just starting out so comments like this help alot!
the only way i get better is if you comment so thank you
also grammar is going to get better with practice this is after all my first fic and first time writing in about 4 years so again thank you for commenting i will try and improve my style by checking over my work for mistakes.487691 i am also aware of the grammar and my writing style i will try and improve it thank you for commenting
i blame the fact it was about 12:30 when i started writing so i wasn't all there for the writing
488533 thank you its nice to hear someone likes my writing.
489137 Do you ever read books, actually? you seem more like a scenario writer than a literature writer to me.
489356 yes i do read quite a bit although my writing style is like a scenario im normally one to work on parts for just a single person in group projects so writing for multiple people or pony's is going to take some getting used to but i will adapt. thanks for commenting
The story is good
pro tip: most people on the internet see spelling and/or grammatical errors as a capital offence
498390 thanks it's always nice to find people who like my story.
and yes i know i guess we have the rules of the internet to blame for that one though.
great story so far
ive notice a few mistakes but as the chapters pass i see fewer of them. great work though im looking forward to more 
547529 thanks its nice to know im getting a bit better at the writing
also its always good to see positive comments so thanks for that
i have spent time thinking i will continue this story starting soon so get ready for some new chapters
I like it. Is he gonna race against the princesses? On second thoughts, don't tell me, I wanna be surprised
Amazing. But most likely it's about the shadow things he can do.
(me when i found out the next chapter was out)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU now i gotta wait again
(me when i reached its end)
img.ponibooru.org/_images/23a4b14df6803afa0847758ccfabc740/55202%20-%20fire%20rainbow_dash%20rainbow_rage.png
must have MOOOOOOOOOOOAR!
also great job on the chapter
i dont think celestia would say "weird" she would be more likely to say strange.
But you did die
7212327
That’s what I thought aswell.
either update this and fix mistakes made in it, or cancel it, since its been since 2016 since you've updated the damned thing