I am nothing special, just a proud Brony and eager writer, so please don't hate me too much if my work is terrible.
Shimmering Steam's parents were not born at home. Neither were their parents.
Centuries and countless generations ago her village's true homeland was deserted, and she is determined to find out why.
My first real attempt at the steampunk genre, please rate fairly!
Edited by the generous Glocky! Go follow him!
ADDITIONAL TAGS: Steampunk
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Not a bad try I must say. To say the least, I'm interested in seeing more. You're gonna need an editor and a prereader for future chapters so that it doesn't fall into bad waters. One group I could suggest to you is "Looking For Editors".
But I honestly think it was a pretty good try and has potential of actually going somewhere. :)
I like it very firm writing not a lot of grammatical mistakes. Could use more detail and a little less repitition of some word descriptions.
Remove "of" for the sake of flow.
Remove the capital here. You're extending the sentence, not creating a new one.
Nice use of spacing. Put the door back where it's meant to be xD
it* You should only use capitals after speech if it's a character's name.
Put a full stop rather than a comma.
Still a question, you explain that it sounds like a statement afterwards. Same applies for later utterances of the phrase.
End the paragraph here. It would also be better to keep the writing in blocks rather than small block with a little appendix-like thing on the end, but it is only really a nit-picky thing.
Comma here, as you continue the sentence after speech.
Put a comma after anymore, you sort of rush the sentence otherwise.
It requires a comma, as the sentence still continue afterwards. Also, the formatting is a bit odd. I can't tell if it part of the next paragraph or not. Try and fix it, because formatting problems are pretty bad, but 'ez pz' to fix. Plus, after the former's sentence, de-capitalise 'she'. I'm still unsure if that's a word or not.
You could use "staring down at her. It was almost like it was using a pony's judging eyes," for the increasing of word count.
Use bold, because FULL CAPS IS ALL YELLING. Bold, however, is an increase in voice volume, making it sound more strict and enforcing. You should probably also create a paragraph separately after this (split the tree of speech).
Keep this as one sentence on its own, create a split for the second paragraph.
Example, just in case you hadn't got it:
"XXXXX!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"XXXXX! XXXX, XXX!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
You should centre the final quotes, including that one in the previous chapter. It looks... neater.