Ever since he was a child, Grant Doyle wanted to go on an adevnture filled with mystery, relics, magic and romance. He got his wish, but he will have to contend with Equestria's best treasure hunter if he ever wants to make it out alive.
5117887 ""I HATE HEIGHTS!” He yelled as he plummeted towards the ground. Daring flexed her wing and grunted in pain as she flapped it. She grabbed the man by the shit and managed to control their crash into a deep pool being fed by a waterfall. Grant felt the cold water splash against him and felt his clothes become heavy. He looked to his left and saw that the mare was out cold from the collision. He hooked his arm around her midsection and started to swim towards the surface." Love it keep it like that. ~JFK
So, I am liking this so far...but I have noticed a plethora of typos. SO I am going to list them every time I read a chapter. Sound good? No? TOO BAD!!
So you’re telling me that this whole world is run by anthropomorphic ponies that can fy and some can use magic?” Grant said as he and Daring made their way through the caverns of old.
Should be fly.
“I’m a human, or homo sapien if you want the scientific term.”
The actual scientific term for humans as we are now is homo sapien sapien. Two sapiens.
“At least I’m not some over groan farm animal with an attitude problem.”
Should be overgrown.
No, doesn’t hurt bad enough to be broken, butI
You forgot a space here.
There are more that just these but this comment is getting rather long, And I have a chapter to finish up. SO I will leave you with these, if you want more help, lemme know. I am pretty good at this stuff.
So you made another one that quickly, you might as well had put both chapters up at the same time. Well it's time dig in once again, Review Time:
“Sounds a bit like batman.”
“Who?” Grant face palmed.
I don't know why he should be shocked. He just found out that he's in another world, what made him think anypony would know who batman is?
“Pipe down and hold still.” He grabbed her injured wing as she struggled. “I said hold still!” He wiggled it and the mare cried out in pain as she heard another popping noise and pain shot through her back. “There now-” The mare elbowed the man in the stomach and tackled him to the ground and held a rock in her hand.
“Touch me again and I’ll bash your face in!”
“Before you go swinging, try moving your wing.” Daring stood up and moved her wing around. It still stung, but not as much as before.
“What did you-”
“I’ve dislocated my arm enough times to know how to fix it.”
I'm pretty sure a wing is different from an arm, so I don't think it's that simple.
The gauntlet started glowing again. An ethereal claw shot from the gauntlet and sank into a tree trunk. Grant blinked in surprise as he felt the bark as if he were touching it with his bare palm.
He didn’t have time to wonder how or why, he instinctively pulled back and felt water crashing against him as he felt his body going towards the surface.
My head started thinking Devil May Cry 4, but seeing this is from a item, I guess to more accurate comparison is Green Lantern.
“Fine.” He said as he grabbed the metal and pulled. It didn’t budge. He tried again, harder this time but he was met with the same result.
“Stop kidding around.”
“I’m not! The damn thing is stuck!”
Did anyone not seeing this coming? Now I'm thinking Witchblade.
Daring reached for her machete and brought the blade down on the man’s arm just above the gauntlet.
There was a flash and a cracking sound. Grant opened one eye and felt no pain from the blow. Daring was staring in confusion as she held the handle of her broken knife.
WTF? You're telling me that Daring Do would go that far to get an artifact by cutting off the arm of an innocent man? That's pretty dark man.
The human frowned and had had enough.
He gripped the mare’s wrists and flipped their positions so she was on the bottom. He pinned her arms and glared down at her.
“Excuse me? You think that this is my fault!?” Daring only glared at him. “You know what? I’m done. You have got to be the biggest bitch I have ever met!”
And there's the snap. I got to admit, I wasn't expecting this so soon. I knew that eventually he would snap but not in the goddamn second chapter.
“I’d usually say, ‘see you around,’ but right now I think an enraged tiger would be better company than you.”
Foreshadowing?*end of review*
Well that escalated quickly. For some reason I think Grant will be able to save themselves from the natives. Probably like C-3PO on Ewok kinda thing. I figured from the first chapter, I knew that you we're going to make Daring a Tsundere. I think you pulling it off good.(maybe too much) But I hope that it doesn't end here already.
and now some character snapping. I must admit that I would probably snap around that point too. unless the person I'm with isn't as annoying as this daring. if I was allowed to think and not have to talk with anyone, I would probably be able to last at least a day... maybe two if it was really quiet.
5122203 For an otaku, you don't know much. Tsundere is the opposite of yandere, you remember what yandere is?(If you don't, go back and look it up. I'll wait......................................) Okay now that you're back I'll tell you. Tsundere is a term to describe a woman who is somewhat of a bitch on the outside, but overtime she will show that she's very kind on the inside.
5122794 That's okay, no need to beat yourself up. Not sure how you can tell the difference between a anime fan and a otaku online. Well at least your learning something new.(the more you know.)
Excuse me...
Love the dynamic between those two.
5117850 Where does it say that?
Beautiful...
Love it
5117850 I know right?
5117887 ""I HATE HEIGHTS!” He yelled as he plummeted towards the ground. Daring flexed her wing and grunted in pain as she flapped it. She grabbed the man by the shit and managed to control their crash into a deep pool being fed by a waterfall. Grant felt the cold water splash against him and felt his clothes become heavy. He looked to his left and saw that the mare was out cold from the collision. He hooked his arm around her midsection and started to swim towards the surface." Love it keep it like that. ~JFK
She grabbed the man by the shit
So, I am liking this so far...but I have noticed a plethora of typos. SO I am going to list them every time I read a chapter. Sound good? No? TOO BAD!!
And away we go!
Should be fly.
The actual scientific term for humans as we are now is homo sapien sapien. Two sapiens.
Should be overgrown.
You forgot a space here.
There are more that just these but this comment is getting rather long, And I have a chapter to finish up. SO I will leave you with these, if you want more help, lemme know. I am pretty good at this stuff.
This story and chapter, I like it.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121027220927/ben10fanfiction/images/d/d2/Thor_Another.gif
I like it a lot, has potential but I keep getting a Saxton Hale meets Uncharted vibe.
I am enjoying this thus far please continue with it , and your million other stories I also enjoy. Waiting for a good RvB joke.
So you made another one that quickly, you might as well had put both chapters up at the same time. Well it's time dig in once again, Review Time:
I don't know why he should be shocked. He just found out that he's in another world, what made him think anypony would know who batman is?
I'm pretty sure a wing is different from an arm, so I don't think it's that simple.
My head started thinking Devil May Cry 4, but seeing this is from a item, I guess to more accurate comparison is Green Lantern.
Did anyone not seeing this coming? Now I'm thinking Witchblade.
WTF? You're telling me that Daring Do would go that far to get an artifact by cutting off the arm of an innocent man? That's pretty dark man.
And there's the snap. I got to admit, I wasn't expecting this so soon. I knew that eventually he would snap but not in the goddamn second chapter.
Foreshadowing?*end of review*
Well that escalated quickly. For some reason I think Grant will be able to save themselves from the natives. Probably like C-3PO on Ewok kinda thing. I figured from the first chapter, I knew that you we're going to make Daring a Tsundere. I think you pulling it off good.(maybe too much) But I hope that it doesn't end here already.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
and now some character snapping. I must admit that I would probably snap around that point too. unless the person I'm with isn't as annoying as this daring. if I was allowed to think and not have to talk with anyone, I would probably be able to last at least a day... maybe two if it was really quiet.
5121373 What's a Tsundere? I was thinking more along the lines of DMC4. The snap was the first of many to come.
5122203
For an otaku, you don't know much. Tsundere is the opposite of yandere, you remember what yandere is?(If you don't, go back and look it up. I'll wait......................................) Okay now that you're back I'll tell you. Tsundere is a term to describe a woman who is somewhat of a bitch on the outside, but overtime she will show that she's very kind on the inside.
5122774 I don't really consider myself an Otaku so sorry if I'm not up to par on the lingo.
5122794
That's okay, no need to beat yourself up. Not sure how you can tell the difference between a anime fan and a otaku online. Well at least your learning something new.(the more you know.)
I need more or I will die! True story.
That'll do pig, that'll do.
This sounds like a fun beginning. though you misspelled over grown there at the moment.
Can explain this tracking, watch, and fav bullcrap. What happened to email updates?
Good story so far, and I can't wait to read more of it.
I say! This Daring might just have temper and violence prone issues.
cdn.acidcow.com/pics/20120416/sir_13.jpg
I believe we have such a thing in Europe called Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs.
revolvingfloor.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Graham_0709_A1.jpg
5142685 Indeed.
this is bad what happen daring and grant?