Despair

Princess Luna walked out of the throne room in disgust and slammed the doors behind her. Yet again, nopony had come to her court, but she still had sat on the throne for the entire night. Curse you Celestia. You and your stupid “appearances”. The dark blue alicorn snorted, half in contempt and half out of amusement. You really ought know that everypony is too afraid of what I might do to them to come to my court sister. They all prefer to go to you, just like they always have. There’s never anypony there to see those damnable appearances that you love so much. All they do is serve to deepen my misery.

The princess of the night stopped walking as she had reached the door to her chambers. After a brief nod to the guards at the entrance, she walked into her chambers and shut the door behind her. Immediately, she removed all of her regalia and placed them on a shelf at the edge of the room. With a quick glance at her clock, Luna sat down on her bed to wait for the time when she would need to set the moon. As she stared at the emptiness in her chambers, tears began to spill out of her eyes and cascade down her cheeks. Instead of attempting to hold back her emotions as she had done in the past, Luna merely curled up on her bed and let the tears flow.

I know I haven’t done anything to make ponies believe that I’m no longer Nightmare Moon, but since they are always so cold to me, I don’t even see the point in trying. It appears to me that my fate is to be a worthless pony who is always shunted into the background because her sister is so much better. I’ve tried to be more like Celestia, but I just can’t sacrifice who I am in order to gain ponies’ love and respect. Even if I could change that drastically, anything I gained from doing so wouldn’t have been gained for real. Because by then, I would no longer be myself. I would just be a younger version of Celestia.

Luna blinked once and caught sight of the silvery sheen of the moon that was coming in through her window. As she continued to watch the moonlight shimmer around her chambers, the light flickered and went away momentarily. In actuality, the moon and I are very much alike. We can shine as brightly as possible, but even when we do, almost nopony is there to see and those we do see turn a blind eye and ignore the light. The same goes for when the light goes out. Nopony is there to see the darkness take over and envelope everything, but for a select few who don’t ever seem to care. So why do either of us even bother continuing to shine?

Luna’s enter body shuddered as she began to sob faster and harder than she ever had at any other point in her long life. Soon her entire face was covered by tears, yet she still made no attempt to stem the relentless flood of her liquid agony. Why does it have to be this way? I’m not asking for much, just one chance. One chance to prove that I’m no longer a monster. But instead, all I am is shunned, unwanted, feared, and hated. There’s not even a place where I can escape from all that, not even my own thoughts. I loathe myself for letting all the bitterness of true reality to find its way inside what I once thought could be my one and only solace. But now, even my mind has become a prison. Probably even the harshest prison of all, for it is where my soul lies in despair.

With the tears still streaming out of her eyes, Luna got off of her bed and went out onto her balcony. Staring up at the moon, she spread her wings and waited. Even when I was Nightmare Moon, I didn’t feel this horrible. At least then, I felt like I still had some small modicum of purpose left in life. But as I look back on those memories now, I realize that truly, I was only driven by desperation. Desperation to be noticed and to be cared about as much as my sister. But now that I’ve returned and am no longer such a monster, rather than having things get better, my desperation and depression have only worsened.

As she had always done, Luna lovingly reached out her magic toward the moon and began to guide it slowly down towards the horizon. While she did so, Celestia began to slowly raise the sun. Once she felt the heat of her sister’s celestial body begin to envelope the environment around her, the princess of the night cried out in untainted agony. Why does everything that ponies relate to me have to be so cold and dark? Why couldn’t fate have smiled upon me like it did upon my sister? I’m not truly as cold as I may seem. Behind that harsh exterior, I like to think that I am a kind pony who has love that she is willing to share with others if only they’d give themselves a chance to get close to me. I might have made some bad choices all those years ago, but now, all I want is a chance for redemption. A chance to gain ponies’ trust and love, something I never had in the first place.

Once the moon had set completely and been replaced by her sister’s sun, Luna turned her back on the outside world and walked back into her chambers. As she settled onto the bed once more, she did her best to keep the sobs from echoing too loudly since she did not want Celestia to hear her pain. Why can’t I ever be free?

1,068 views