"So, how do we find them?" Pinkie asked. The Human raised an eyebrow.
"We create enough randomness to draw them in like Nostalgia Critic to a dumb movie."
"Huh, makes about as much sense as anything else at this point." She shrugged.
The Human proceeded to light the sacrificial gummy bears, and sing karaoke to dubstep. Pinkie Pie handed out limes while James Bond and Indiana Jones pretended to be cowboys. The ground rumbled, and a miracle happened. It rained jelly beans and out dated Pokemon games.
The Human sniffed the air suspiciously. "That flavor." He growled. "It can only mean one thing."
Deadpool and Old Spice Guy descended from the heavens in half of a cheeseburger wrapper while a British man narrated a comic book. Cthulu admitted to the High King of Skyrim that he was secretly a mongoose, to which he decided could only mean that Darth Vader was his mother's uncle.
"Deadpool and Old Spice Guy." The Human seethed. "I should have known it was you trying to destroy the entire universe."
Deadpool cackled menacingly. "Fool! Nothing can stop us from out randomizing the the universe itself! Our Super Evil Universe Randomerâ„¢ is unstoppable!"
"Foo!" Old Spice Guy shouted, wielding a Old Spice Product in one hand.
The Sun turned off, then another sun appeared. Then there were two suns and Princess Celestia got a massive headache, which turned Luna into a vampire making her even more epic.
The Human recoiled in pain, as the very fabric of reality rippled and bent.
"Noooo." He moaned.
A guy in weird yellow armor broke his arm and the wound leaked gravy while Shakespear sung the song that summons the Coco Puffs Cereal Bird.
"Co-co for COCO PUFFS." It screamed.
"Arrrrg." Captain Crunch agreed.
Meanwhile, Mexico froze over.
Pinkie quickly threw a math textbook at Deadpool and he jumped back in fear. The randomness stopped and the Human tried to catch his breath.
"We'll be back. Just you wait." Old Spice Guy sneered before grabbing Deadpool and snorkeling though the ground.
"Weeeee!" Deadpool laughed.
"That was too close to shave a hairless tiger." The Human muttered. "We need to assemble a team of the most random people in the universe. As per tradition."
"But where will we find them?" Pinkie Pie asked.
The Human looked off in the distance. "Hiding in plain sight, there to make others laugh, we will seek them out across all plains of existence, searching far and wide in the hopes that they will join our cause."
"Whoa." Pinkie said, amazed. He shrugged.
"Or we could just look them up on Facebook."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael Bay, Discord, Caboose, Pinkie Pie, Sheogorath and Jerry the Carrot stood shoulder to shoulder. Discord and Sheogorath eyed each other nervously while Caboose talked to a butterfly. The Human grabbed Jerry and ignored his screams because it was a delicious carrot. Munching on him, he began speaking to his troops.
"Men. I have gathered you hear today because danger lurks just beyond our doorstep, and we may be the only ones who can stop it." The Human said, walking up and down the line.
Pinkie Pie raised a hoof. "I'm a mare, not a man."
He threw a handful of Skittles at her. "Don't interrupt me!" She picked up a few and popped them in her mouth, and didn't speak up again.
"Discord, though your own randomness is....lacking. I am glad to welcome you to Squiggle Force Nine." The Human grinned. "Sheogorath, you are a god of madness. Happy to have you on board."
"Caboose, old friend." He continued. "It's nice to know we can rely on your skill set."
"I like to help too." Caboose said, more to the butterfly then the leader of the squad.
"Michael Bay, You need no introduction. Everyone knows who you are. You are legend. You made a living out of blowing stuff up for god's sake." The Human laughed.
"Will I get to blow stuff up?" Michael smiled like a psychopath.
"Yes, yes you will." The Human said, wiping away a tear of joy.
"Pinkie, as the rookie, you have the most important job of not dying in case you are needed for the plot. Try not to make some sort of heroic sacrifice or what not."
"Okie Dokie Lokie then."
"No! You just reminded me!" The Human face palmed. "We forgot Loki!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loki sat in his cell, doodling on the wall.
"Well this sucks...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile in the Evil Lair of Really Evil Evilness...
"G Seven." Deadpool called out.
"Checkmate foo!" Old Spice Guy laughed.
"I cast magic missile!" Deadpool shouted.
"Old Spice Guy blocks with his get out of jail free pass he picked up after landing in the Lollipop Forest!"
"But I made four touchdowns in the sixth inning." Deadpool countered.
"Darn it!" Old Spice Guy sobbed. "Your really good at strip poker."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Headache plagued Princess Celestia and the now vampire Luna looked down at Ponyville, which had descended into madness.
"You think we should actually try to help this time?" Princess Luna asked.
"Nah, Twilight will handle it as usual." Celestia shrugged. "I have faith she will succeed."
Meanwhile Twilight was not handing it, and was instead reading a book in her awesome Princess Castle as that dumb Human assembled some sort of insane group to try and stop some other guys from taking over the world or something.
It had made so little sense that she stopped trying to care and gave up and went home.
YAAAAAAAY! Flying explosive plastic bag shenanigans ensue!
I mean... stare too long into the abyss and the abyss stares into you, and the abyss has skittles apparently
This the stupidest, most random thing I have ever read. And I love it!
5039392 *Burp* They taste of suffering and pleasure.
Thank you for introducing caboose to me, now I'll watch some of his vids...?
Ah, Caboose. So stupid he managed to fuck up an inspirational speech in episode 16.
Yay! Sheogorath! Nut you also forgot the mad hatter.
YAY!
My suggestion got in!
Yes!
Funerals are sad!
Let's have a birthday party instead.
Let there be cake
Halleluja!
Gesundheit.
Okay... Caboose, Sheogorath, Deadpool, my god I feel like I am going insane just by reading this! XD
MOST. RANDOM. STORY. EVER.
Love it :P
CABOOSE! And here I was thinking this story could not get any better
I'd love to see SeaNanners get involved at some point.
The following video might be slightly relevant. Now I know what you're thinking - relevance in a random fic? How is that even possible?
Well, just see for yourself:
Also, it's my fault Michael Bay was in this, isn't it?
You should've added Jim Carrey and Johnny Depp.
5040713
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ec/c9/9e/ecc99ea79305e3087f631042302ab9e7.jpg
needs more Cuban Pete.
OH MY GOSH! IT'S ME!
Just when I thought it couldn't get any more random, Caboose happens.
But what about Satanic Stan, the accountant who's actually Satan? Or Stanic Satan, the antichrist who's really a lawyer?
5040713
should have added dumb and dumber
the mask
loki and loki (son of the mask and avengers)
jack black
macklemore
garry fryman
and finally dr seuss
...oh and steven bills
it's like you toke a bunch of words and references and smashed them together into three random hilarious word walls. The third has a double bonus!
All we need now is a street dancing fruit samurai, and such a being exists.
news.tokunation.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2014/01/Kamen-Rider-Gaim-02-Subtitle-Indonesia.jpg
Also available in pineapple, strawberry, orange/lemon, orange/cherry, orange/peach, super orange, and fruit salad flavors. Other flavors may also be available, such as banana, durian, and other Kamen Riders.
Wait, which Old Spice guy is it? The first one or Terry Crews?
You forgot one insanely random personage................ The entire bloody cast of Flcl.
Back up army, just incase.
TUMBLREH USEHZ!!!!!!!!!!
Reminds me of this:
Just when I thought this story couldn't get any weirder, you somehow managed to search deep inside the cotton jungle inside your Alluminium head that pops up everytime you cast a magic squat while yelling "HUZZAH! WE BRING THY LEMONS AS AN OFFER THE GOAT", and bring any random idea to this irreparable logic story.
Not to mention that you also pick the pack of lemons and grab them one by one with your butt, rubbing them in a light wall yelling, "Grab a Deskjet! They fix glasses! "
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I LIKE A LOT .
I wonder wat would happen if jygallag was involved.
Caboose? As in "Red Vs. Blue" Caboose?! Yeah, I could see him being there.
AH, poor Lokiiii!!!!
YOU FORGOT WEIRD AL YANKOVICH!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhh. I was fully prepared to unfollow if Pinkie Pie wasn't in the group.
you picked Michael Bay over Nicolas Cage?!
I think this has reached the point that even bobobo would look sane in comparison. And that's saying something. I love this wonderful batch of nonsense! 30 Kamina out of 2 bobobo's.
...*patheticly holds up a traffic cone* "Protect me cone..." *bang* "caboose! FRIENDLY FIRE!!"
Poor Loki XD eheehehehe.
This is the most random shit I have ever read in my life...
I freaking love it!
how many invisible muskrats did you sacrifice to the soapy sausage god to receive this sort of prismatic coloring book vision?
You forgot, if Old Spice Guy was wearing a top hat, then Deadpool would have to get a 100 on a D6, and a kangaroo on Saturn
I'm no longer questioning my sanity. It got lost near the last chapter.
You mean to tell me I can find discord on Facebook?
10736545
Yes
...probably
Skill issue for Mexicans
Second best line on earth!
theres only one old spice guy who dabbled in random, and that was mothafukn Terry Crews, "POWEERRRR"
i like to think yellow armor guy is Juni from Spy Kids 3-D
when did luna become a vampire? or am i making a mistake in thinking logic would return while focus is on logical characters