all of the cmc have cousins coming to visit and they all have 1 thing in common they are all blank flanks but instead of joining them they decide to challenge them to see who get their cutiemarks faster
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen May 29th, 2015
Angel Halo
im a 12 yr old girl with a passion 4 Cheesepie shipping
Angel Halo
Joined 11th Jul, 2014 ·
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I'd like to offer you some suggestions, if I may...
- Do a lot of reading. Even if you read a lot now, read more. Read fanfics, read short stories, read novels, read. The more reading you do, the more you absorb in terms of what to do with your own stories.
- Please, please take the time to brush up on the rules of punctuation and capitalization. There are plenty of easy guides available right here on the internet. Proper mechanics will do more than just make your story look more professional; they'll make people give your story a chance when they wouldn't have otherwise.
- Consider approaching your English teacher -- or if you don't like that teacher, another one you have a better connection with -- and letting him/her know that you've started taking up writing as a hobby. Any good teacher would be happy to encourage you in this and offer you pointers.
- When you have a chance, check out the Writing Guide here on the site.
You fucked up Babs. I KEE' YOU!
With some fine-tuning, this story has potential but I don't see how foals would want to compete to see who'd get their cutie marks first.
5020417 its not a hobby drawing is a hobby this came 2 me and I had to write it down
5022672 well it was just for fun and Goldie was just kidding
I hope 
...
5023179
So you're saying you don't want to improve? Because I was offering suggestions based on helping you improve your writing.
5023470 that's nice of u but I need like a proofreader maybe
5023585
You may want to consider joining the Looking for Editors group and asking for help.
Well, I managed to slog through the first chapter. I know I'm not supposed to say anything mean-spirited, but there's no constructive criticism left to give. I don't think any amount of proof-reading would have saved this from the author's own ineptitude. They would've had to do more work than you did, Angel.
A few things I want to add, though, before I kick myself out of here.
- Use tags properly when uploading stories. From what I read, Dinky Do didn't even make an appearance in this fic. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were more prominent figures herein, and the tags should reflect this. Also, I see no reason to have the "Comedy" and "Romance" tags on there, either. It wouldn't be so bad if you had a story update prepared to make these valid, but this is two weeks old.
- Please, please take Elric's advice. Every single bullet-point should be considered. Do more reading, expand your vocabulary, learn about syntax and grammar. Proofreaders are there to fix minor mistakes, and help get your story ready for the public eye. None of them want to dive in with a HAZMAT suit and just fix everything.
- If you're not willing to put time and effort into writing your stories, you can bet nobody will put time nor effort into reading them. There are exceptions to this, but as a general rule, you should care about what you're putting on the internet. Even if you remove it, people will remember who made it.
Finally, the internet isn't a good place to store your brain-babies. I learned that the hard way, when I posted a fic about Discord being a human trapped inside a digital Equestria. Ideas never make a story successful, because everybody has them. It's not about having more or less ideas, but rather about how well-polished they are. If you can't accept that, then maybe you should think about an alternate way to spend your time.
Then again, this just may be a pre-fulfilled prophecy that came true two weeks ago. If that's the case, you don't have to bother with any of the stuff I said.