I understand you wish to learn more about my dreamwalks, as well as what I did with my time on the Moon. Well, listen carefully when I say I do not entertain these types of inquiries lightly. My life and my work are my business alone, and no amount of sheer curiosity will get me to delve too deeply into them.
I also understand that you have been overthinking your actions, as evidenced by your performance, and that Celestia thinks I can help you. I'm not sure if you've met one Twilight Sparkle, but she usually handles these sorts of things. She must be busy.
I suppose I, of all ponies, would know a thing or two about spending too much time in one's own head, due to my rather famous imprisonment. I had it all, you see. Disrespect, loathing, nightmares. One nightmare in particular, actually... Yes... I suppose it's time I spoke of that night. I was not alone up there, you understand. I had my other half to keep me company. Sometimes, I would open my eyes and see her...
Well, perhaps you should pull up a seat.
Cover Art by: Zilkenian
Also available in audio form!
Also available in Spanish form!
Wow....just wow.
Pain....is eternal.
5216634 I take it by your watch that these are positive 'wows'...
Thank you for your time.
5216869 Whitewish is a character I created to represent everyone that Luna left behind (especially the children) when she became nightmare moon and was sent away. Like a... "it wasn't where she was, but where she wasn't" sort of deal. It wasn't Whitewish's first nightmare.
5216905 So long as we hold it in.
" No beast so fierce knows some touch of pity.
I However know none, therefore I am no beast."
W. Shakespeare
Richard III
5217804 indeed and ah.
The feels man
At first I was like: "'Up There'? You mean like this?" (at 0:40)
But then I was like: ...
...
...
...whoa.
Narration is still kinda tell-y, unnecessarily so at times, and "what did Luna do on the moon for a thousand years?" is not exactly new as a premise, but goddamn does the content in this story make up for all that. I especially wish to applaud you for doing "dreamwalking" the right way. It could have used just a tad more surreal to really hit the spot, but the way it is now already far surpasses most other attempts that I've seen so far.
And the twist. Jesus... that's one freight train I did not see coming before it ran me over...
Overall, this was a fantastic read. Well done!
This sounds familiar...
5219942 Thanks, now I'll be wasting my time on Monty Python all night... again.
In any case, I am so glad I've impressed you. I knew before I wrote it that it wasn't a new thing, but I still wanted to go for it anyways and make my own impression on it. I know you love creativity, so in all honesty I sort of used you as sanity test.
And you say the narration is tell-y as in... instead of 'show-y', right? Because it was like... three times more tell-y a few days ago! I thought I fixed that. Something to work on.
And are you referring to Pointless? Because I actually haven't read the second half of that yet. I knew it was gonna be first person Luna, so I didn't want to let your voice influence mine, so to speak. I'm off to read that now... or as soon as I can.
5219517 I hope they weren't bad feels
5220483
You passed. A+
Also, I'm just kidding. There is no blatant "parallel" with my story, minus a vague implication that Luna is sharing stories with somepony other than her sister (a new pen pal, perhaps?
)
Masterful
5229077 Thank you so much.
Why did this not come up in my notifications?
I am so glad that I happened to check your profile page, because I would have been seriously missing out if I had not read this. It's a refreshing take on what is admitedly a bit of an overused trope, but then those tropes becomes overused precisely because they have so much potential. And this has definitely live up to that. It's excellently written, and the last part in particular was just fantastic - the "Then where did you go?" line was like a punch to the gut.
P.S. Are you still having trouble with commenting? It seemed to be something with Greasemonkey for me if that's any help.
5333329 Well, I'm glad you thought to stop by!
Thanks for the favourite and the add to you group!
Right?? There's so much to talk about with the Princesses! A whole thousand years?? That's a lot of years!
I've no idea what greasemonkey is. I'm using firefox and the only add-on I have on it is adblock which is turned off for this site. Haven't tried commenting in a while though, so here goes... Nope, off to internet explorer it is.
5336104
Well try contacting Xadsuseq (I really hope I got that right) - he's definitely the go-to guy when it comes to technical issues. You should be able to find him on the staff page of the site.
I don't remember what it was that pointed me here — based on the reading list I pulled it from, it was either personal recommendation, or I followed a link off someone's userpage — but this was a nice read. Quite well done closing strong!
There were a number of little details that hampered my immersion, like the fact that Whitewish actively feels betrayed by Luna's departure, which I am having a hard time squaring with the show-present where Nightmare Moon's an old obscure legend and the actual existence of Luna comes as a complete shock to even well-read ponies like Twilight. (The practice of waiting for colors also feels archaic, though that may not have been your intention.) Also having a hard time squaring that with her general behavior toward Luna; she's getting an unexpected visit from an essentially mythological figure that she doesn't even recognize at first. "Then where did you go?" implies a historical context and broadmindedness that is a real stretch for a child who you're defining by their frailty, isolation, and intense need for a personal connection. It's an accusation not on behalf of herself (who got a visit as an unexpected gift, and who she was, let us not understate the case, actually there for) — but on behalf of thousands of children who she's never met, whose problems are nowhere near as grand as dying of terminal cancer of the Scootaloo (or whatever it is that's going on that explains all three of Whitewish's major symptoms).
But, that said, there's some cool dreambuilding here and some standout moments. Thanks for the read!
Best,
H
5500828 Thank you for your insight! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I'll definitely be keeping your points in mind.
It touched me, I know that because I cried at the ending. Thank you for this sad but interesting reading experience.
5504552 I'm so glad you enjoyed it
What he said. ...Well that's not entirely true, I got that Luna was trying to calm a little filly's nightmare, but other then that, it's a mystery. Please explain.
5517413 That sucks that you didn't understand, also that your head a-sploded. Neither of those were my intention.
The idea behind this was that although it must have sucked to be trapped on the moon for 1000 years, there were also a lot of ponies (especially children like Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle) who depended on her. So when she finally gets a chance to do her job again she does it just because she wants contact, does kind of a poor job of it, and then learns the hard way that her absence wasn't just causing her grief. The moral was meant to be that hiding away in your own self pity betrays not only yourself, but everyone who cares about/depends on you. I'm learning more and more that it may not have come off...
Other than that, I'd be happy to answer any questions.
5500828
poke
5614120
Aha! Mystery solved. Thank you for the rec.
The prose in this story is incredibly beautiful. In terms of writing quality, this is one of the best fics I've ever read.
The plot is very well thought out, with Luna explaining to us the dream logic in a coherent way. It was easy and enjoyable to follow.
My only criticism is the end. It felt a bit contrived how Luna told Whitewash to be afraid. Other than that, everything is incredible.
*claps*
5824323 Why, thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it, and I'm especially happy you enjoyed the part of the story I was most focused on, the prose.
Loved the prose, and also that little detail about parents not immediately naming their foals. That makes so much sense, I can't believe I ever tried to work with something more convoluted.
6655789 I'm glad you enjoyed the story! And thank you so much for that kind review
Isn't it neat how long typos can go unnoticed? Or... Unmentioned....
I'd read a whole story about this idea. It's much better than what the show put forth in season seven (and something that really clashed with the rest of the series, too). I enjoy how most of your works are in first person, too. It's not so common a choice on this site. You also are good at writing melancholy, which is good with me!
9080625
Thanks for stopping by! First person is my jam!
9080962
It's mine too! What a coincidence!
Like, an I've written nearly a million words primarily in first person level coincidence!