This story goes through the adventure of three titular characters.
Icy Wind: A special unicorn from Canterlot who loves weather.
Jacob: A paranoid crystal pegasus with an evil alter ego.
Glistening Spark: A tinkering unicorn who built his own mechanical wings.
When Jacob's alter ego Zane get's it's own body, it's up to our heroes to stop it, this could be one of the biggest threats to Equestria. Our heroes travel far and wide, in the fabled Shimmerwood Acres, a forest consisting of golden gem studded trees for miles and Stripelvania, land of the zebras. Please try not to mind the way it is written, it was written in a notepad, and for some reason it came out like this, please ignore the stories format, and enjoy the adventure instead.
What will happen? What adventure will unfold? Only way to find out is to tune in!
Oh, my. It would seem I'm one of the first to comment. How unprecedented.
Well, I promise to always try to be as honest as possible, so let me warn you, mate, this is probably going to hurt your feelings quite a bit.
So, the first thing I noticed is your entire description is just a short blurb description of three main characters, and the second was the utterly boring title you have. These are both problems. You see, the vast difference between a good story and a bad story is about presentation, meaning how you display X character doing X action at X place. Having a well thought out plot, characters, and setting is all crucial to having a truly phenomenal story, but honestly, presentation is a way to make even less than original or not so well put together ideas look polished (the anime Sword Art Online is a good example of using style to cover up holes on substance).
Let's start with the title. Titles need to grab attention, something that rolls off the tongue easy but will also catch a reader's eye and excite and intrigue them. As for the description, that's an even easier fix. The description is solely extant for two reasons: (A) give the audience a small glimpse of what they are about to read and (B) hype up the story. You need to give a bit of a taste of your story to the audience; not so much that they know the majority of the plot or the ending, but enough to let them know what the conflict, main character, and setting of the story is. As for the excitement, just write it like you're trying to sell the story in a book pitch.
Also, work on your length. I noticed this on your other story too. Chapters, especially in a multiple chapter story, should never fall below 1,000 words and should most of the time range from at least 2,500-5,000 words, especially in longer stories.
Last thing is that one character has me a bit anxious: Jacob. You mentioned an evil alter ego in your story, and I am guessing you mean alter ego in the way that he has Multiple Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, or Schizophrenia to a severe degree. I'm not going to tell you to never write a character with a mental illness, as that can be a good source of drama if pulled off well, but be very careful. This sort of character depends on you knowing the reality through research of the given illness and respecting it. I just hope you know enough on the subject to write him accurately given failing to do so is not only bad writing, but highly offensive to people who suffer from said illnesses.
Well, I hope this helps. Oh, and by the way, welcome to fimfiction.
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... Fuck it, I'm asking. What kind of name is "Jacob" for a pegasus?
4951719 Don't judge me, since you are the one who asked the question, it's named after my friend, we couldn't come up with a fitting name for his personality.