Three alicorns are tired of their subjects and their constant whining and complains. So one fateful day, they make a silly wish. But the wish came true...
___
One human, a lonely guy with the name, Anon, who does not have a job, friends or a family, is riding his big RV in North-Norway. Every day is the same; driving, fueling, eating, driving.
Until one day everything changes.
Featured for over 4 days!!!
(-Just a heads up. i suck with grammars and stuff, so expect some changes and corrections in the future. Also please point out my mistakes if you would. Thanks. Now let the games begin!)
-(cover art goes to the guy who made it!)-
Chapters (7)
Interesting story, hope to see more
4885534 Thanks bro. New story coming up soon give me few days
tried
comma at the end of 'was'
was
.
things.
Capitalize the bolded letters after the typo.
You keep switching between past and present tense. Choose one and stick with it. Past tense is usually considered easier to write. Get an editor. It will help you out hugely.
Overall, not a bad story. It's got a promising start. Just continue to improve and take your time with it.
4885547 really? cool can't wait and good luck
4885557 Thanks dude! I'm gonna fix up the story now!
Another AlicornXHuman?
Interesting story concept though you may as well go through your story and capitalize all the 'i' that are just hanging out. Quite a few mistakes grammar wise , but nothing that would classify as a deal breaker.
three
Though if anything I did get a laugh at this mistake due to Equestria now having Tree Princesses.
Otherwise just simple fixing
I think you mean: I suck with grammar
I will look forward to the next chapter.
I like this.
4886215 thanks!
LIKE
HEY HEY! NORWEGIAN PRIDE! You got my attention with it, and then, y'know, When I actually read the story that was good too! EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL IN LIFE RIGHT NOW!
getting interesting by the second
Which part of north Norway are we talking about...?
Looks good so far. Fawing.
Doesn't deserve to be read if human OC is named Anon. Try coming up with something a little more original.
Featured?
Recently many PrincessesXHuman fics got featured....
i61.tinypic.com/1zr2zoj.jpg
It's an interesting start. The errors, and inline notes, e.g.: "*Crunch, Crunch*(snow, being crunched)" are definitely distracting, so it's good to see that you've got corrections incoming. I also feel that I compelled to mention that your request to upvote the story and add it to my favorites has all but assured that I won't.
I can't tell if I'd continue reading this or not. Aside from the grammar that you'd promised that you will fix, and the too fast pace of the story line, this isn't that bad. But the major thing that bugs me and others is the pitiful choice of name for the human/main character; Anon. In my opinion, it ruins the story to the point where I don't even want to read it anymore. Please oh please, do your story a favor and pick a better name than Anon. When ever people use Anon, its like they're using the same character over and over again.
If you change Anon's name, then I might consider editing your story for you.
(Btw, I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole. I'm just trying to help you even if my constructive criticism sounds kinda harsh.)
4886557
Will be reading so many fics today.
4885573 oh god... Oh god...
Do you know what you've done?!?!
Were all gonna die...
There coming...There coming!
This story certainly has some promise. Three Princesses taking a vacation with a human in which they can confide in their stress and griefs. It is a perfect chance to explore how each views their position, how their viewed by others (including each other), what they really want, and even what they hope for.
You just need a good editor to keep you on track and, honestly more so than the grammar and spelling, absolutely ensure that you keep the characters in character. I have serious grievances about Shining Armor being depicted as an abusive husband merely for, as I'm getting out of it, giving Cadence the excuse to come visit her aunts and be included in this story.
4887075 I gotta agree on the OOC-ness of Shining Armor for this. Why not go for the tragedy angle instead, where Shiny dies during the Sombra or Tirek businesses? Or maybe general stress, but Cadence and Shiny have an open marriage?
4887194
Well the problem with having Shining die in either attacks in canon consistency. By killing Shinning off at any point you are effectively making this an alternate universe story. So instead I was thinking that stress would be the reason why she came to visit and left Shining Armor to look after the Crystal Empire with his sister, now Princess Twilight Sparkle.
So this'd probably put, if it even adopts my suggestions, between Season 4's ending and Season 5's opening.
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY
You tend to miss capital letters, take time to write a chapter and check for little mistakes like that
Meh why the hell not.
It's a good start, but it's got way to many grammar and spelling mistakes for me right now. I'll revisit this story in a bit, but for now I'll have to pass.
good stuff
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/1/4/202094__safe_solo_princess+celestia_animated_reaction+image_fire_friendship+is+magic+bitch.gif
Okay, this really doesn't make sense. You didn't have to make Shining Armor an abusive husband for Cadance to leave him(for Anon). There are simpler ways, such as maybe their love is fading away, being rulers of an empire takes their toll and they don't get as much quality time anymore, hell I would even accept Shining having an affair over what you wrote. There really is no explanation as to why Shining has become an asshole besides the fact that we wont feel bad when Cadance dumps him.
wouldn't the more reasonable thing be if Luna was placed on Celestia's back? She is bigger than Luna so she would have less difficulty carrying her than Cadance. It's like a 10 year boy carrying his 18 year old brother in this case.
4886469 the place where there are a lot of mountains and stuff
4888182 Celesta's wing hurt, and her back. So Cadence carried Luna.
4888279
The other thing still doesn't.
Okay that makes sense.
Yeah, I'm in agreement with the others. Shining being very out of character, enough so that it would be considered an alternate universe.
This has a lot of promise, but you seriously need an editor.
4888257 Velkommen til Målselv / 'Welcome to Målselv'
malselv.kommune.no/getfile.php/2271550.2190.wprdvcxtfd/1024x768/5238115_2271550.jpg
I want MOAR!!!
The story is hard to make out from grammer mistakes and general sloppy writing, but what I've managed to get was good. I'll keep watching, see if this improves.
4885573 almost all of your I's aren't capitalized not saying as an insult just letting you know because you said you're editing
Guys good news! I finally got and editor to fix up this mess, so don't worry! he is very good at this!
Good story so far ... keep it up !
Hmm, perhaps I'm alone in this, but I do not like this story. Personally I think it's all rather contrived. Cadance thinking of leaving Shining because he's being abusive to her? That's rather out of character and just randomly brought up. Obviously the only reason for it is so she can 'fall' for this 'Anon' character and frankly I think the whole thing is rather forced. It's not to say this idea doesn't have possibilities, I just don't think it's being utilized properly here. Why not have it where she's been misinterpreting things Shining has been doing for not wanting her anymore? It'd lead to some nice inner drama of hers as she finds herself drawn to another creature beside her beloved husband. If in the end you really just don't want to deal with that and only have her to be a 'love body' for Anon. Then perhaps add an alternate universe tag. Because as it stands this is way off universe.
Now that being said, I'm not here to tell you to stop, just that I believe the story has more problems then just spelling and grammar.You also tend to repeat things a lot. In the opening paragraph of chapter one, you mention how Celestia wakes up with her head pounding, and then moments later feel you need to point out that it's still pounding. You also tell us the 'Crunch Crunch' is snow being crunched in parenthesis. This is a BIG no no in writing. You NEVER do that.
My dislike of the story idea aside, the fact this ended up featured somehow is proof enough there is interest in this fic, but I'd honestly work very closely with an editor or two to get this story sorted out before posting anymore chapters.
HERESY
HOW COULD YOU NOT EXPLICITLY CREDIT JohnJoseco!
Meanwhile in Equestria...
Fire one side, Ice on the other... mahaa..
Interesting. I'll be keeping an eye on this. If no one offers editing help within five chapters contact me alright? Good luck.
This could use some grammar editing as probably quite a few people pointed out already, but apart from that this has the potential of many laugh inducing situations.
So, please, do give us more as I can't wait
I mean, the premise seems interesting from the start, though I am curious how you'll handle how Anon is getting money to pay for said fueling and eating. Guess the only way to find out is to read.
This story has my approval. I love any story that has a harem and portrays Shining Armor as a limp dick asshole. The only thing that could make this better is some clop. But its your story.
x1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/lt+Yiss.+It+makes+perfect+sense+_b72ee8f86f3d6b7fa32617032993f84e.gif
I like dis.