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Celestia's life hasn't been as fun as you might think. When she was younger, her parents were too busy for her. As she grew up, she became more detached from the little ponies around her. Luckily, she had a friend who would be there with her forever.
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Is that a CelestiaXHuman fic?
5323787 Yeah, but I don't think the romantic part will happen for a while.
Seems promising!
You earned my attention, can you earn my like and follow?
I had a smile the entire time I read this chapter.
I agree with Ahardu, This story seems really promising. The first chapter was really well written, not overly detailed to where the readers are bombarded, but not simple enough that people can't follow whats going on. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Oh, this is interesting. It's well-written and doesn't seem contrived. I'll be following this.
5323794
An Interesting premise. Curiosity piqued.
interesting, I see a bright future to this story
I will say Celestia is best pony. I swear she has a level cute/beautiful that I can't find anyone to compare to.
img.pandawhale.com/142859-peter-griffin-go-on-meme-Imgur-VMLg.jpeg
5324329 I concur!
This seems like it will be a great story. Good luck, I'll be watching this like a hawk.
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This story had me thinking about a lot of old HiE's I read in the past...
I don't know why.
Oh wait, that's why! I typed the same thing when I put that in my first author's notes!
...
Anyway, this was... alright.
It was good at some points but just the bombardment of long dialogue lines that look like:
Yeah, don't do that. I did this the first time I wrote my first fiction and I can't tell you how many comments I got where it said,
"Hey, can you break up the lines?"
"Can you please break up the lines!"
"Author, please break up th-"
Despite that little formatting bit I can say it's an okay start. There's not too much information being dumped and the character is decent. We'll see how this plays out. I'll withhold that like and favorite until then.
In my opinion, it looks good, except for one thing.
Some of the dialogue takes entire paragraphs. It would be easier to read if you broke it up into smaller pieces.
A promising start, will be interesting to see where this goes.
i.imgur.com/utXDh.jpg
Human on royalty let's see what this story has to offer
Good, short, but good. Try not to get too bogged down on exposition. Having him explaining humanity for 10,000 words is big no-no.
5325016 Do you think I should break them up even if it's the same speaker? Or do you mean I should have each person talk for shorter amounts of time? Thanks for the constructive feedback.
5325391 You could try both ways. What fits you most, I suppose.
I haven't really reviewed anything before, so I don't know what to suggest.
5325398 Okay, I'll see how it pans out, then.
imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
I sense that he will become immortal or ageless somehow.
I also sense a sad stoy invoving Luna at some points...or maybe just skim over it and get right on 100 years after or 1000 years after.
It's decent, but I feel it's kind of rushed.
This must be one of the most calmest first contact I have ever read.
...
I like it.
The pacing on the dialogue was way too fast. He explained away things in a matter of seconds, what is supposed to take a story several chapters to get through you shot off in a single paragraph. That is not a compliment. And then they both took the whole situation calmly to the point of absurdity; it was almost comical relief status. The cliches were readily apparent in the way they spoke.
All in all, I understand it was your first story, but you should understand that it shows. Good luck to you in improving.
5325130 media.tumblr.com/5128bb4c73ae6404ba9b61749379bbd5/tumblr_inline_nfjc9woKCA1rqu8d1.gif HELLFIRE, DARK FIRE! God that profile pic.
So this is your first story? It's decent! I'll follow this.
Am I the only one to get a very distinct feeling that he rambles on much like The Doctor?
5323794 Well, she is 15 so...
Not bad, but it does need some polish. You're new, and if you keep writing you'll get better, just hang in there. Keep writing what you want to see.
Fun. Can't wait for more. :D
is this going to continue? sadly it happened again, i found a story (in a group) that is from last year, and maybe forgotten.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE THIS BLOODY WELL WRITTEN STORY
6543058 Read my reply to your comment on my story to understand this...
This is what I mean, I click on a story, and I see you right there on top of the commenting section!
6675185 LOL Now I know what you mean LOL
. Now imagine Nightmare Moon coming out MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Right now I am seeing a picture of Pinkie Pie with words underneath saying I am EVERYWHERE
BUT you have to agree with me here this dude NEEDS I REPEAT NEEDS TO CONTINUE THIS STORY
Damn you evil writer with your 49 week holiday damn YOU!
BTW I am at the top again LOL
My grandpa's name is Rodney.
It's dead I think, the author hasn't been on since 2014