After years of traveling across Equestria from one teacher to another, our protagonist, Blank Canvas, finds himself learning magic under a certain Twilight Sparkle.
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Canvas Stories
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There's a concept in literature known as, "Unless it's necessary don't include it". That's usually a concept that new writers don't listen to.
The main problem here is the use of this: πρώτη γης. You use it several times possibly to show that this is an alien land but it's not. It's Greek. At no other point in the story are these Greek names used. And in the prologue you even bother to include the English translations right after.
You know what would be better than this? Not including Greek words in your story. If "πρώτη γης" means "first land" then why not call it "first land"? I mean a better name might be "patrida" or "πατρίδα" meaning "homeland" but then my Greek is very rusty so you'll excuse me if this is an incorrect usage. Back to the point. As this is an English site and unless you are making the whole use of Greek to be necessary to the story your best bet is to change this.
Kind of rushing in Chapter Three. Would've been better to put off meeting the Apples in favor of some exposition or perhaps some descriptions, or maybe just some analysis on the main by the other characters...The story is kind of missing a lot as-is.
5128977
Greek is being use, but not as a form of alien writing but more of an ancient writing. Thank you for your word on this and I will address it once a good place to addresses it comes around. For the mean time I need to get caught up with other life matters like school.
5130861
Still doesn't make a difference. Unless it plays a role in the actual story and is somehow necessary to the plot you shouldn't include it regardless of why you chose it.
Look at it this way. Imagine you are telling somebody this story and suddenly, for no reason, use a foreign word and don't immediately explain what it is. Your audience has now lost part of the meaning unless you tell them what it means. But why is it necessary to use the foreign word in the first place? You don't speak the language and it's not important to the story that that particular word is used.
...Why is this is HIE, if there's no Human tag?
5152351 Take a wild guess
5157462
...Uhmm...
...Potatoes?
5157528 Exactly
but no, I don't do stuff like that with out a good reason.
5130993 Only for aesthetics. Even then, it depends on how you use it. 'War and Peace' used it that way. It was mostly French in the beginning and then eventually became progressively Russian over the course of the books.
5185839
But that at least had a reason behind it and wasn't just random French words thrown into what was a Russian story.
The French invade and along with the Napoleonic era it meant that French society and culture had a rather strong effect. As such the well to do in Tsarist Russia adopted French customs hence the idea of people speaking French.
This story uses Greek for the sole purpose of making it look like it's an ancient and forgotten language. The author would be better off choosing a dead language like Sanskrit if he really and truly wanted to go that route.
5186015 ...Wut. I suppose you're right here, but how would any regular writer FIND Sanskrit? I mean, unless you looked very hard (and most won't because they rely on Google Translate), you aren't really going to find the language itself. Maybe information on the culture though.
Besides, Greek is suitably old. It's been around for far longer than English. He could have just swapped a few symbols and made it gibberish... Honestly, it doesn't matter what he chose, he chose it: it's stupid: done. (At least that's how I think that's punctuated...)
Anyways, relax for a bit, this is a new author, criticize the rest of the story lest he think you unfair, biased or hyper-focused on the one point.
5188503
But again, going back to Sanskrit as an ancient language, if I were to write something like, "मौल विदेश" and then just leave it like that what purpose would it serve? It would have none and this is the point. Random usage of foreign words has no place in storytelling unless you tell everybody what the actual meaning is. And even then unless it actually serves a purpose like the word you're using no longer exists or the current language is insufficient to describe it then you could get away with it. Use "piñata" when talking about one of those things you bash with a stick but don't use "dulces" to then tell us what comes out of it.
Basically when writing in English and there's an English word that could be used, use the English word. That's really what it comes down to.
5188776 And I agree with you ...all of it...mostly. I mean, there are ways to emphasize the word in English, mostly with capitals...but that type of thematic mysticism works better with a language outside of the one you speak. I'm not saying what he did was right, just that you're taking a singular portion to an extreme.
And you're defending it to the extreme without trying to say explicitly that you are. Fact is using foreign words needs reasons. And those reasons can't just be, "I feel like it".
We're going round and round the issue here. My experience and schooling sees it one way, you see it another way. We're not necessarily going to come to a consensus here because I feel this shouldn't be done, and you agree with me... kinda.
In the end it's his story and he can do whatever he wants with it but from a literary POV he's committing a mistake.
5186015
Nice to see people are commenting actually polite comments. ^^
Well you are jumping the gun here, I literally only have gotten to chapter three and a prologue. I do plan on making many more chapters when I do have time to write them. so for this story I do ask to be patient till I am able to get to topics such as this one.
Also, I have planned out how to depict this story in a manner that is decent, but again, I just have not had time to sit down and and write chapters.
5194430
There are going to to be reasons for why I am using Greek, just the explanation will come later in the story. I know it sounds weird to have it in now but it...... all I will say is that it is foreshadowing. This conversation is getting a bit tense, so I would like to ask if it can be at a end for now.