Shrek Singlehandedly Stops a Conversion Bureau Invasion

by Dr_Daggot

Celestia fails her speech check

Shrek looked Celestia in the eye and asked "Whaddaya mean by 'Great News' and was it really worth interrupting ma MLG zombehs vid?!?"

Celestia got a puzzled look on her face and replied "Oh it most certainly is worth interrupting that savage bloodbath that you call a game for! I have created a potion that-"

Shrek cut her off and said "So you're one of those anti-gaming arseholes?!! You came all the way into ma swamp to tell me that gaming is evil?!? For the love of Mara, can't you anti gaming freaks go and get a freakin' life!"

Celestia looked even more confused.

"Oh, I certainly don't hate games. I simply disapprove of the type of game that you were playing, as I would not want my little ponies to be exposed so such graphic violence," Celestia stated.

"Then you and your little ponies can get the hell outta ma swamp if ya don't like Call of Duteh!" Shrek shouted.

"You don't understand", Celestia said "In a few years, this world will be full of my wonderful ponies living new, wonderful lives full of love and kindness! I have seen the heartlessness and savagery of your world, Shrek, and instead of sitting idly by, I decided to free all of your minds through ponification! Happiness can now be brought on by just a sip of 3 ounces of this magical grape potion!"

"Ponifa-what-tion??" Shrek asked, more confused than angry.

"Allow me to show you" Celestia said, and before Shrek could say anything else Celestia, her bodyguards, and Shrek had teleported away with him the the realm the ponies came from.

The next thing Shrek knew, he was standing in the center of a village full of colorful thatched roofed cottages with Celestia. Shrek noticed that the streets of this village were full of colorful ponies, some of which had wings, while others had horns and some seemed like regular ponies. Though "regular" by Shrek's standards applied pretty loosely to this strange place.

"This" Celestia said "is Equestria, a land where love is law and harmony is life. There hasn't been a war here in a thousand years, and everypony lives in harmony with each other"

"Ya know, this place doesn't look so bad", Shrek said. " How fast is the internet here, and what are the popular gaming clans?"

Celestia turned and said "We don't have any of those horrible violent video games here, or that thought-corrupting device you call the internet, only love and tolerance. And I will certainly not allow any vient games into my kingdom to corrupt my sweet, innocent ponies!"

Shrek continued to look around, and in doing so, noticed what looked like an orange pony in a cowboy hat and a unicorn with a blue curled mane getting into a pretty heated argument over a spilled cart of apples. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but they looked pissed at each other.

But before Shrek could say anything, Celestia said "moving on!" And teleported them away once more.

He noticed a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Celestia's next stop for Shrek was underneath a massive cloud. When Shrek looked closer at it, he noticed that this "cloud" was actually a city, full of many pegasi.

Celestia said "In my world, each type of pony has a special gift, and pegasus ponies have the gift of flight. They can touch clouds as if they were solid and control the weather. With pegasi in charge of the weather, Equestria has never had a drought or famine"

"Unicorns have the gift of magic, which they use to help the other ponies and make incredible creations" Celestia continued " and Earth ponies are natural green thumbs and are experts at growing food. Together, all three pony races live in harmony with each other and create a world of love and compassion".

Another flash of light appeared and then they were back at Shrek's doorstep.

"So what do you think, Shrek?" Celestia turned and asked him "Would you want your world to become part of Equestria? It's entirely possible though a spell I know and this potion right here"

Celestia drew a vial of purple liquid out of her saddle bag.

"With the pony potion, anyone can lose their inner demons and become a pony, human, ogre, or otherwise. I plan on establishing 'Conversion bureaus all over America and other places that will be sure to have millions lining up to become ponies. And I would be honored to have you, Shrek, be the first one ponified. What do you say?"

Shrek only laughed and said "Pfffffft! Like that's ever going to happen!"

Comments

[onsholo]

Sherk is love,Sherk is life.

[cornholio4]

Just by reading the title, I knew I had to this.

[airbournesquid]

Celestia is such a freakin' Farquaad.

[Nighlocktheawesome00]

4890612
She fails to understand that Shrek is love, Shrek is life.