Shrek Singlehandedly Stops a Conversion Bureau Invasion

by Dr_Daggot

What are ya doing in my swamp?!

It was a beautiful spring day outside, even in the murky depths of a certain swamp hidden somewhere in the good old US of A. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and it was neither too hot or too cold. And Shrek was couldn't have cared less.

Inside the dark bowels of Shrek's home, the zombie battle of the century was raging on his 50 inch plasma TV. Shrek had long dreamed of making it past round 69 in Nazi Zombies and today was the day that he would. Shrek had gotten the farthest he had ever gotten on Der Reise, all the way to round 67 with his trusty comerade Donkey, or [NigT]DonkehDaddy69 as his gamertag would have you believe.

They were so close to reaching their goal, yet so far!

Shrek's hands were shaking and he was sweating like a dog, but he didn't care. There was no time for a break or a snack, not even a sip of Mtn. Dew or a handful of delicious onion rings at this point. He had made it this far, and there was no room for even the smallest risk.
Hordes and hordes of undead Nazis mindlessly rushed towards Shrek and Donkey's camping spot, but both players luckily had enough firepower to level Pyongyang 10 times over. Shrek was tearing through them with his Pack-a-punched Uber powerful MG42 and Wuderwaffe DG-3 JZ with Double Tap Root Beer, while Donkey blasted the with his Porter's x2 Ray Gun. They were even lucky enough to mostly get the right powerups at the right time which helped them not run out of ammo.

Shrek was recording this session, too. It was part of his ultimate goal to post his accomplishment on YouTube and maybe even get recognized by come of the highest profile, big-name MLG clans like the N4GZ0mb1Es or the PhagSc0pers.
In other words, this game couldn't have been more high stakes.

An enthusiastic Shrek shouted into his mic "Keep firin' Donkeh! We're almost at 69! We! Can! Do this!!!!".

Even though Donkey had no mic, he followed Shrek's command and showed no signs of letting up, but alas, a sprinting zombie drew too close and downed Donkey with 2 hits plus the splash damage from his Ray Gun. Shrek had always warned Donkey not to use the Ray Gun at close range, but since his other gun was an upgraded M1911 that shot freakin' grenades, he didn't have much of a choice.

"Noooo! Donkeh!" Shrek screamed into his mic as he rushed to revive his fallen ally, but as he ran, he heard a knock at his door.

"Can't ya let an ogre have his gaming time?! Go away!!" Shrek shouted in the direction of his door.

Another knock at the door was his answer.

'The nerve of some people', Shrek thought as he finally reached Donkey after temporarily escaping the undead horde.
The third knock was louder. So loud, in fact, that it startled Shrek and made him drop his controller. By the time he picked it up, it was too late. The horde had cagt up with him, and swiftly downed him, just 2 rounds before reaching his goal. Then, the all-to-familiar death song played and the game over screen appeared, mocking his failure to achieve round 69.

"Dammit Dammit Dammit!" A frustrated Shrek cried "Fuck this game and fuck you too, person! He shouted as he angrily stomped over to his door.

" What are ya doin' in may swa-!" Shrek shouted as he swung his door open, but he was cut off by his own shock of seeing the three strange beings that stood before him.

Shrek was expecting to see one of his more annoying friends, or some idiot fanboys who tracked down his address for his autograph at his doorstep, but these...strange horses were obviously neither of the two.

The tall one standing in the middle of the group looked the strangest. She was a white unicorn, yet she had wings and a sparkling, multicolored pastel mane. Her two bodyguards, from the looks of it, were both clad in golden armor and were also white colored, but these two horses only had wings and were smaller than the tall one.

After a short awkward silence, the tall pony spoke up.

"Greetings, Ogre. I am Princess Celestia, bringer of the sun and righteous ruler of the land of Equestria. Would you kindly direct me to your nation's capital, for I bring great news to the unfortunate victims of your savage world!"

Shrek looked Celestia in the eye and said.......

Comments

[Commissar Derpy Hooves]

No one fucks with any mans gaming! These heretics shall burn!

[Speedyblupi]

"he was sweating like a dog"

Dogs don't sweat... So does this mean he was just panting, or what?

[Nighlocktheawesome00]

5323084
They were so close, too!