Bore Da
Pinkie Pie knocks on the great wooden library’s door and waits for the librarian to answer.
“Hey Twilight. Is this a bad time? Is it too early?” Pinkie asks with a soft frown.
“No, not at all!” Twilight smiles. “Well, it is pretty late, but I’m still up so I guess I don’t mind.” Twilight laughs, before noticing and returning her friend’s frown. “Why are you up so early?”
“Well this isn’t that much earlier than when I wake up for work anyway!” Pinkie chirps, leaning in a little. “So it’s not a big deal, really…” she murmurs.
“Don’t bakers get up for work at, like, five?” Twilight asks, glancing to the clock behind her.
“Half-four, actually!” Pinkie nods. “Why?”
“Pinkie, it’s two in the morning. You should be asleep, shouldn’t you?”
“Well shouldn’t you, too?” Pinkie pouts. “Don’t worry about it!” Pinkie shuffles a small way towards her unicorn friend with a smile. “But anyway, I wanted to talk with you,” she admits, her smile dropping quickly.
“Oh, well sure, I guess! Come inside.” Twilight steps aside, letting the pink pony into her home before flicking the door closed behind her. Twilight follows her friend through to the back of the library and up the staircase to the “home” part of the building.
“So, Pinkie, why exactly are you awake this early?” the unicorn asks, taking charge and leading Pinkie through to the kitchen.
“I just woke up super-early this morning,” the pink mare grins, her back leg touching the kitchen door. “Do you want this door closing?”
Twilight nods, watching Pinkie kick the door carefully shut. “Do you want anything from the kettle?” she offers, floating it over to the tap.
“Oh, sure!” the fluffy pony nods, her mane bouncing pleasantly, while she climbs up on a little stool stood beside a table.
“And what would you like?” Twilight asks, putting the kettle onto the stove and igniting the flame with her horn.
Pinkie smirks to herself, briefly considering one or two easy jokes she could say. “”I’ll have some tea,” she settles on. “Not green tea, the normal kind,” the mare clarifies. “Hey, what kind of tea is the normal tea, anyway?” Pinkie asks after a pause.
“You’re thinking of what’s known as Breakfast Tea, which is a common type of black tea,” Twilight explains. “The kind made to go with milk and sugar, right?” she asks, opening up the fridge and levitating out the milk bottle. “Speaking of, how do you take it?” the purple pony asks, turning to face her morning visitor.
Pinkie waggles her eyebrows at Twilight with a grin, biting her bottom lip a little. Twilight giggles and looks away briefly. “Come on, Pinkie!” she laughs. “How would you like your tea?”
“Extra milk and four sugars,” the sweet mare smiles.
Twilight smirks, rolling her eyes and fetching the sugar. “I can’t say I’m surprised,” the librarian comments, preparing the drinks. “What do you do with coffee? Or do I not want to know?” she teases.
Pinkie shakes her mane with a smile. “Actually, I don’t like coffee! Too bitter.”
“Well, that’s probably for the best,” Twilight giggles, floating her friend’s cup towards her and following it over, sitting down opposite Pinkie and setting down her own coffee besides herself.
A pause begins to grow on the conversation. Pinkie picks her tea up in her hooves and gently blows on it, then inhales the warmth slowly through her nose. Twilight watches this, waiting for the bouncy mare to do something bouncy. Pinkie closes her eyes and repeats her quiet breathing exercise, before taking a small sip of the sugary drink.
“Pinkie? Why did you decide to visit me at two in the morning?” Twilight finally asks. Or was it that she was asking yet again?
The pink pony opens her eyes to the question. “Well, it’s because I wanted to see you!” she answers enthusiastically. “As in, I wanted to ask you something,” she hastily adds.
“Okay, what did you want to ask me?” Twilight sips from her mug, watching her wordy friend struggle to form her next sentence.
“Well… Let’s see, now…” Pinkie mumbles to her drink. She takes something of a deep breath and sets the mug down. “Twilight, have you ever dealt with love?”
“Oh! So that’s what this is about!” the unicorn grins. “I’m afraid not, though. You picked the wrong girl to ask about romance, really.”
“Well then, have you ever had a crush on someone?” Pinkie asks almost desperately.
“Well, sure I have… I think most ponies have at some point,” Twilight nods with a straight face.
Pinkie smiles mischieviously. “Who’s the lucky pony?”
The purple mare blushes softly. “Well not any more, obviously…” she clarifies, leaning in and softening her voice. “...But I used to have the biggest crush on Cadance, back when she was my foalsitter…”
Pinkie giggles. “Aww, that’s so sweet!”
Twilight smirks. “Actually, It’s kind-of embarrassing.”
“No, it’s cute, it’s so cute!” the chirpy pony insists, waving a hoof at her sheepish friend. “I guess your brother beat you to it, huh?” she grins teasingly.
The purple pony laughs. “Something like that! I mean; I was young, and Shining Armour’s the same age as her, and besides that I don’t think she’s into mares anyway, so it’s not like it was ever happening. I figured that out and got over it pretty quickly,” she smiles, trying her best to demonstrate the fact that she definitely was over it, and it was true. She sips her coffee, feeling guilty about a crime she didn’t commit, and sets her mug down to see Pinkie giving her a suspicious look. “What? It’s true!” she insists with a purple pout.
“You know, for such a smart science pony, you’re pretty silly when you get flustered!” Pinkie giggles, drinking her tea and leaving Twilight to feel blushing embarrassment.
“Anyway, Pinkie,” Twilight pouts, pushing the conversation back on track and putting herself back on the dominant side of it. “What makes you ask me that?”
“Oh, er, right! Well…” the fluffy mare begins with some hesitation.
“I assume you’ve got a crush on someone, and you came asking for advice on what to do, right?”
“Ah, right!” Pinkie replies with a few nods, bouncing her hair cutely, her big blue eyes waiting for the unicorn to continue.
“Well, the most generic advice I could give you is for you to tell them, right?” Twilight begins.
Pinkie Pie frowns, nodding again. “Of course, but still…”
“So there’s something stopping you from telling them, then?”
A pause starts to grow. “...I guess not, but still… I guess I’m just nervous.”
Twilight smirks to her bubbly pink friend. “Since when is Pinkie Pie nervous about dealing with ponies?” she gently teases.
Pinkie sips from her tea, and then continues to stare at it for a few moments. She looks up at the unicorn with a small smile. “You know, Twilight, when you’re right, you’re right,” the baker grins. “And you’re right!” she giggles, gulping the rest of her sugary sweet drink.
“Exactly! Anypony would be lucky to have you!” Twilight insists.
Pinkie’s eyes light up. “You really think so~?” she gasps, blushing sweetly through her glowing smile.
“Absolutely!” the purple mare smiles back.
“Then there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of!” the pink mare declares with confidence.
“So are you going to tell them in the morning?” Twilight asks, making a mental note that technically it already was morning.
“Yeah!” Pinkie squeaks, bouncing off of her chair and hurrying over to her very magical friend, wrapping her in a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Twilight! I’m so glad you’re so smart!”
“Well, I don’t know if I did anything too clever,” Twilight mumbles, hugging back. “But thank you!”
Pinkie takes a slow, deep breath, still holding her close friend closely. “Twilight, I really like you, and so I thought you should know… I’ve had a crush on you for a while now.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DustyPwny · 2.7k words · 47 5 · 1.6k views
- sunbuttsparkle · 0 words · 72 24 · 0 views
- Diablomuerte2 · 1.1k words · 105 7 · 5.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.08 seconds
Total duration
1,010 users online
1,487,768 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Haha, nice! I'm not sure what it is, but the place where you ended it made it so much more enjoyable somehow. Good work!
I suggest looking at one of the popular stories, comparing the way they structure, pace and write their stuff.
Because i found this very hard to read.
Not bad, in fact, rather amusing and cute
Bit short to really be more than that. but then, I feel it wouldn't be the same if it was dragged out further.
Just one gripe, really- It's normal to go down a line with each new speaker, but it always looks much nicer on here if you leave two lines, so there's an actual gap. Small point, but helps make it look better:) That's mainly personal though, sorry for mentioning it if you don't agree:P
YES A TWIPIE!
So reading this! 
Awwww bechod
Wow... the characterization looked perfect, but it was way too short. And was really hard for me to read. But I am enjoying it so far, but you should really fix the pace, and the ending dialogue. Like "says" A nice said, would be fine. "Smiles" Smiled could do. So yeah, just fix those two and it would be a great fan-fiction.
And I will be continue reading this, since it looks interesting so far. 
What, was the title written by cthulu?
I don't know how to feel about this. I mean, it's not.... bad...but it's not amazing either.
4924674 It's Welsh.
Basically means: She isn't happy
4924743 Hey, i don't know welsh. To me it looks like something from Lovecraftian Horror.
4924791 mediabistro.com/fishbowldc/files/2013/12/TheMoreYouKnow.gif
Present tense is generally cute but WRONG.
Also I once slapped the keys for a few seconds. Accidentally a "my hovercraft is full of eels" sentence in Welsh according to my Welshfriend.
... WAIT. I need a video clip of you running.
So that I can show it round and me'n the blokes will finally know what a Welshman looks like when he runs.
(Inside joke is ninny-running = "runs like a Welshman")
Hmm... this looks interesting. I prefer past tense to present, but I'll read it anyway. That's just me. Also, there's a few grammatical errors. Nothing too bad though; a proofing could get rid of them.
But you've used a lot of LUS. "The pink mare", "The librarian", "The fluffy mare". It's not bad, but it's kind of overused. I get what you're going for, and I didn't count how many times you just stated Twilight and Pinkie, but it sticks out.
However, this does look interesting, so I'm going to follow this. And it's a TwiPie. How can I turn that down?
4924920
There's a lot of dialogue, and not a lot of "meat" on the rest, very short thought processes inbetween dialogue and their actions are very few.
Sadly i can go no, but the thing is you need more of everything but dialogue.
If i get to be so bold, i'd say you have this picture in your head, and you wrote it the way you saw it all happening, but many detaisl maybe got left out? things that you just "know" are happening around them, like colours of the room, stray books or other details, but we readers can't see that unless you show us, with words.
You should try to describe more things, even if it's borderline trivial things, it gives more depth.
Those are my 2 cents, i might be wrong, but it's how i felt when reading it.
4926563
I know it's overused, and I get bored with that stuff too, but I don't know what else to refer to them as. There are only so many things you can refer to a character as, and I can't think of any more.
Or maybe not doing that, and just sticking to the names would be better... Or using names a lot more and only switching it up in some circumstances. I think I'll try doing that for the next chapter.
And everyone prefers past tense, so there's nothing to worry or apologise about there.
4926624
I don't know what colours the room are! Twilight's kitchen could be greyscale for all I know. I don't know the details because I haven't put any thought into them. The way the room looks, to me, is irrelevant because the story is about character interactions. Describing trivial things like what the cooker is doing just seems kind-of vapid, it feels like an excuse to push to 1,000 words per chapter.
In terms of character actions and thought processes, I can definitely try to put more of that in, though I suppose they weren't doing much because they were sat around in a kitchen at two in the morning.
4925396
But it is in English! The title is really just a label.
Thinking of unique story titles is hard! Welsh is an obscure language, so a Welsh title is something unique and interesting (I would hope!).
4924920
Totally didn't see that 'incomplete' thing
Yeah, I'm definitely following this now.
4926976
While character interaction drives a story forward, it's like traveling through a tunnel, instead of through a wonderful landscape.
The tiny, minute details make the story come to life, the descriptions of what happens around the characters helps create a sense of life.
I hope you see what i mean, if you focus on interactions, you'll get a very gray story, which feels very streamlined, while it can be good, it can aslo be bad.
I'd say i've only read very few stories that focused on interactions that were a good read.
I'm far from a professional writer, i've just read a lot of things, In english and Swedish, so excuse my english.
I hope you can evolve your writing, for your own sake and your readers.
Because seeing a scene with one or more characters, and seeing more than their interactive lines, is rather nice.
Good luck and take care.
I'mma follow you and see how your next story or chapter pans out.
While I am also on the bandwagon of preferring past-tense to present, the dialogue/character interactions were entertaining enough that I smiled while reading it. Enough so that I'll upvote, anyway.
That cliffhanger, though...
Looking forward to when you continue it.
4930837
Thank you very much! It might take a while to get the next part up, since I write very slowly. I do have a little bit down already though.
4931251
Okay, so what's with the Welsh name?
I liked this! The present tense was fine, and I actually liked the pace. There's not a lot that actually happened, and dragging it out would have only made that worse. The characters made themselves plenty clear. The only thing I'd say (which I thought other people were talking about, but maybe not) is that newlines generally look better than indentation for web-reading. Space out the paragraphs rather than have jittering left edge. Anyways, I look forward to more.
Also Twilight definitely had a crush on Cadance, yes.
4950980 OH! Now I get it! I'll do that now.
Heh...
This was nice.
Where is more?
5336355 That's a good question. I am very lazy, I'm afraid. I'll take another look at the next chapter and see if I can get a few more words down before bed.
5356643 actually looking back on it, I don't think you need more, the ending is nice.