Rainbow Dash nodded absently and pushed her way through a cluster of reporters, the mugs of cider in her teeth her excuse. Applejack's Stetson was easy to see above the crowd, up against the far wall, a dark unmoving island on the edge of a shifting multicolored sea.
She set both mugs down on the small, round standing table between them. "Courtesy of the Wonderbolts."
"Thanks, Dash," Applejack said. "Guess I win on both ends of this transaction."
They each took a long draw of cider and looked out at the ponies milling around the dance floor. There wouldn't be any dancing for at least an hour, after the fanboys had gotten their signatures, the reporters their soundbites, and the schmoozers their business cards. And if some fanboy could keep up with her dancing, then–
Dash leaned over and nudged Applejack's elbow, and nodded over towards where Twilight, Derpy, and Fluttershy were being chatted up by three stallions. Twilight seemed to be arguing a point with one of them, Fluttershy was backed up against the wall and nodding intermittent reluctant affirmatives, and Derpy was leaning forward excitedly, as if the story the agitated unicorn across from her was telling were the most fascinating thing she could remember hearing. Dash didn't doubt that it was.
"I should totally set them up," she said.
Applejack rolled her eyes.
"I could too!" Dash insisted. "You see how Twilight's about to wreck it for all of them? I go over there, give her a big hug, be all buddy-buddy with them, sprinkle a little Wonderbolt glitter, and, bam, it's over. Even Twilight's dancing won't be able to scare them off then."
Applejack snorted. "Ah'm sure Fluttershy would be eternally grateful for that."
"Or Derpy's eye," Dash added.
Applejack looked away.
"And we have to stay for the dancing. Just to see if Derpy is worse than Twilight."
"Rainbow."
Rainbow Dash frowned. "Sure, sure. I understand." She took a longer drink and gulped it down. "You gotta stick up for her. I respect that, AJ. I really do. It was hard enough to get anything done dragging around Pinkie and Fluttershy. I can't imagine how you don't go crazy with a third–"
"She's loyal. That's all the job requires."
The two ponies both looked away. Off to the left, a DJ was setting up for karaoke.
Rainbow Dash took another long look across the room at Derpy, then pushed her empty mug away from her. "On second thought, I saw a cute stallion in the corner with stars in his eyes. I oughta snap him up before one of my teammates does."
"If it makes you happy."
"It does," Dash said. "Very. You oughta try it sometime. You staying at the palace?"
Applejack shook her head. "The Sun's Rise. Less fuss."
"I'll stop in and see you after, okay?"
Applejack raised her eyebrows. "After?"
"I'm fast," Dash said. "You should know that."
"What about your friends?" Applejack nodded to a couple of other Wonderbolts out on the floor, surrounded by reporters.
The hair on Rainbow's neck rose.
Applejack fiddled with her hat. "I mean, sure, Dash. Come on round by after. That'll be nice."
Rainbow set off for the other side of the club, where she'd idly noticed the stallion half an hour ago. He wasn't really all that cute, but she might give him a chance. Or she might just step outside, climb into the night air, then fold her wings in tight and dive down the side of the mountain until the air pressure squeezed any pointless thoughts out of her head.
Weelll now...
You, my friend, are a very interesting author with either one of the scariest minds or greatest talents I have personally "seen".
The way you try to answer the darker questions people ask about a show like MLP is fascinating and rather, for lack of a better term, amusing.
Debating whether or not to add this collection of short stories to my own collection of "read laters". Only thing putting me off from doing it is the length (which i know ruins a great short story, this isnt a knock on your style) and philisophical style you have. (Some days I just dont want to think anymore; growing up with a mind that can literally scare myself to tears isnt fun when im having a bad day.)
B-but muh canon!Dash already chose friends over wonderbutts... Like, twice and everything.
I suppose third time is charm, no?
No.
It was enjoyable and good: the isolation felt when your new social group interacts with your old social group is a cool one to see in action -- a bit like the feeling of finding old friends on facebook filling the holes you left... Okay, exactly like that feeling. "a dark unmoving island on the edge of a turbulent multicolored sea" was a sweet tie in through imagery, too, though those adjectives are bothering me. Hierarchical or no? Hmm...
I think the ending weakens it, though. Partially because it feels like I'm having my face rubbed in the theme -- subtlety and I are not on speaking terms, so take this as you will -- and partially because I'm not sure if it's talking about the same things the rest of the piece is. Dash's dissatisfaction and self-rationalisation are the focus here, and that feels like a weaker cap to me than if she hadn't been unsatisfied at all but was still pissed off with Derpy replacing her because, well, that's how people are. It switches the focus from Dash having her old place filled to Dash being false-happy with her new place is what I guess I'm trying to say, and that second feels a bit more mundane to me.
Moving away from grumbling, this bit --"Tonight yet?" -- threw me. I get that AJ's surprised Dash's is implying she'll have finished before the night's out, but I got that from filling in what would make the conversation logical: the words themselves don't say this to me. Is it a phrase or idiom or something?
This is just a snapshot of snapshot of this alternative world but it speaks volumes about what could be. About Dash's loyalty not just to her friends but also to herself; she has become something that she is not happy with and one can only imagine what regrets she must have (or how much denial she's in).
Ah, so this Rainbow Dash is Miley Cyrus...
3135925
What?
3135703 I think the ending weakens it, though. ... Dash's dissatisfaction and self-rationalisation are the focus here, and that feels like a weaker cap to me than if she hadn't been unsatisfied at all but was still pissed off with Derpy replacing her because, well, that's how people are. It switches the focus from Dash having her old place filled to Dash being false-happy with her new place is what I guess I'm trying to say
You're exactly right. And I knew it while I was writing it, but I'd fallen in love with the last line and didn't want to give it up. Is it better now?
"Tonight yet?" -- threw me. Is it a phrase or idiom or something?
No; I left it to the reader to fill in the gaps, just like you did.
3135925 A balance is an equation, and the universe runs on equations (not, so far as we know, on inequalities). Conservation laws are merely the most direct form of balance. And if there is magic, why not some kind of conservation of magic?
I have no idea what the hell I just read. Okay, that's not completely true -- I read Aquillo's comment, then some other dross to clear my brain a bit, then read this and the fist couple paragraphs of the related blog post again. I can kinda see that now, but it's a stretch. Not a huge stretch-- like pulling one of those elasticized plastic covers over a bowl it just fits over. But still a stretch.
Maybe that was the point?
3136072
Add an article after squeezed and it'll be fine. Ponies jumping off cliffs is the perfect way to end a story.
What I mean is "Tonight yet" makes no sense to me as a sentence. If it'd just been "Tonight?", I'd have got the meaning perfectly, but that yet is making my head hurt. I can't quite figure out what it's doing there.
3138904 Oh. Yeah, "Tonight yet?" is supposed to sound Southern. I don't recall hearing anyone say that exactly, but answering a question with just one word seems stingy to a Southerner.
3136984 I wasn't trying to confuse. Do you mean that you didn't understand what happened, or you didn't like what happened?
3139020
I think I understand it, but I didn't get it right off. Several bits that are crucial to how I understand the story didn't come from the story itself. In particular, it seems Dash somehow left the Elements and was replaced by Derpy, which appears to be alluded to but is never outright talked about in the story itself.
Whether or not I like what happened is immaterial to what I think I mean, and certainly irrelevant to whether it's a good story. I'm fairly sure this one is a case of "that's a terrible thing, but a good story". I'm not fully certain of my interpretation, though.
3147832 In particular, it seems Dash somehow left the Elements and was replaced by Derpy, which appears to be alluded to but is never outright talked about in the story itself.
Yes, because they wouldn't talk about that outright under the circumstances.
3148396
Right, that makes perfect sense, but it means there's a critical detail missing from the story. Unless perhaps part of the point was for the reader to work that out on their own, in which case it was still a good story but I missed out on one of the more interesting bits.
My point being, if that's actually missing rather than deliberately omitted (or something else, I'm assuming I got it right), then it feels... well, like something's missing.
I think this story does a great job of telling its story between the lines. Derpy's the new Element of Loyalty because Dash left for the Wonderbolts. Applejack is wonderfully, painfully ambivalent about the change. Dash is happier where she is but burdened by feelings of guilt she's trying hard not to acknowledge. This is the textual equivalent of using body language to change the meaning of your spoken words. Good use of showing and implying, in a very compact space.
There were only two parts where the spoken words actively threw me. 3138904 pointed one out. The other was:
> "And we have to stay for the dancing. Just to see if Derpy is worse than Twilight."
> "Rainbow."
> Rainbow Dash frowned, and took a longer, faster drink. "Hey, I'm paying you a compliment, AJ. …"
I still don't understand where this "compliment" thing comes from.
The rest, though, fits together impressively well.
3186795
Dash goes on to explain the 'compliment' immediately afterwards: she's not referring to anything that happened before.
Basically, Dash is saying that AJ has to work even harder than ever now that she's gained a third useless pony and lost, to her mind, one of the more competent members of the mane six. That AJ still manages to keep the group doing what they do is a compliment to her position as one of the competent members.
Or Dash is just being a bitch. I think that's succinct enough.
3138904 Okay, I'll change "tonight yet". It still sounds sayable to me, but meh.
3148654 I'm not saying it's right, but it's deliberate. A bit of an experiment.
3188354 a third useless pony But there's only two earth ponies...
3190827
Fluttershy was going to be an Earth pony: uselessness is thus inherent to her character.
3190827
No, if it's deliberate I'd say it is right. As horizon said, most of the interesting parts are between the lines. I'm just not used to reading that far between lines. (I'd guess that most people probably aren't.)
The ending strongly reminds me of "Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea." Probably the best way to end a piece like this.
Not bad at all rather subtitle too.
This is brilliant. I love Southern insults.
"She's loyal. That's all the job requires."
"What about your friends?"
"Guess I win on both ends of this transaction."
"Tweren't nothin' but honesty, Dash."
"...I know."
And that's why Rainbow Dash is chasing after colts in this story - there's a void in her life where friends used to be. Nopony truly loves her for who she is, only what she can do. That, my friends, is true loneliness.
Huh. Now I don't remember what the original last line was, but I think Dash's dissatisfaction and self-rationalisation are strong enough to pin a story on, while just being pissed off about Derpy replacing her isn't.
6822947
What, you don't keep these things in git or google docs or something with version control?
8344949 Oh, yeah. So, the last lines were originally, "She was happy. She had friends. She was famous. It was not an empty life."