During a slumber party, a thunderstorm unexpectedly rolls in, and a particular mare is absolutely terrified.
However, it's not who everypony expects it to be.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
GigaBowser
Call me GB! ^_^ I enjoy writing colourful horse stories for you to enjoy. If you liked one of my stories, please share it with others and have a wonderful day!
GigaBowser
Joined 18th Feb, 2012 ·
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Poor Pinkie! Cute fic.
poor Pinkie dont cry
tears down the 4th wall then procceeds to hug Pinkie Pie
now now we are now dont cry
notices the odd confused stares from the rest of Pinkie's friends
What? we care too you know
4810149
thx i found it on Derpiboo.ru after searching Don't mine at night
also link to a music video
Don't mine at night MLP version
4810215
You want to do what?? to my wat!!
As a person with a phobia of dogs (Don't rightly know what it's called) I can relate to Pinkie here. Good job.
4812187 I have arachnophobia. While I'm....OK with house spiders, poisonous ones freak me the buck out. They're like ninjas.
4812298 Yeah. I'm fine with dogs the size of poodles and chiwowas, but pitbulls and German Shepherds scare me. My cousin was attacked right in front of me by a dog when we were around seven or eight... tore the patch of skin between the nose and eye to peices. If he hadn't threw his arm up to block the dog from biting again, he would have lost his eye.
4812321 Holy buck that must have been terrifying, though, I'm actually scared of my neighbor's chihuahua. She chases me sometimes when I get the mail, quick too. Thankfully, I have the awesome power of longer legs, and a front door.
4812373 Heh.
4812384 Well, I have five chihuahuas, fierce too. Word of advice, don't get near one when a younger cousin startles them by slamming on the glass door leading to where they live. They will be pissed. Also, never have your dog living space next to the kitchen with a glass door separating it. Otherwise you'll get a lovely view of them humping eachother's brains out
I'm not kidding.
4812413 Could have lived my whole life without that picture in my head
4812426 Ah, sorry man.
That's Lightning Bolt's cutie mark!
*Homer Simpson voice* NURD!!!!
Twilight: Oh I know! Instead of using my uber magical super horn to make a sound proof barrier around the tree or something, we'll all just get knowledge on what a phobia is, and hug Pinkie!
Yeah! GREAT!
(Seriously though, good story bro.
)
This is an unnecessary tell; this could be better communicated by them laughing, or just, you know, contextually. Pillow fights are fun! You don't need to say this.
This is also awkwardly worded and very passive textually; it doesn't really draw me into the scene.
Indeed, there is a lot of this sort of thing in this story. Take this:
This is the sort of thing where people say "show, don't tell"; expressing things like this by telling the audience rather than showing the audience is awkward and distances us from the story. It doesn't really evoke in us the feeling we should be getting, the sort of raw fun of having pillowfights with your friends and having a sleepover.
The Truth or Dare bit was totally pointless, because it didn't go anywhere.
Again, this is the sort of thing which should be shown, not told; indeed, it would be very easy for a character to simply express their gratitude verbally that they are inside.
When you're telling a story like this you need to make sure you start it at the right place; this story started too early - the early scenes were unimportant to the story you were trying to tell, which was, ultimately, about the rainstorm and their reaction to it. A lot of the awkward telling came from trying to fast forward to the appropriate spots, but just starting at the proper spot in the story would have fixed that problem. As a result, it felt awkward and stilted, and very expository rather than evocative. For something like this, you want to set the scene so that we are inside that tree with them, and understand the environment so that when they react, it feels natural and close, not distant.
4810068
*follows suit also hugging Pinkie's friends.*
It would've been even funnier if Rainbow Dash was the one afraid of thunder. That was the idea I got from reading the title.
4812187 A fear of dogs is cynophobia.
The people of the great nation of Hakachur take great offense of your casual mispronunciation of their country's name, Rarity.
That was way too adorable, funny and heartfelt to have been written by a mere mortal... Guys, I think GigaBowser might be an ALIEN!
Seriously though, great story :).
8781786
An Alien? One of the almighty Gods of Ponykind maybe.
I wouldn't be surprised if his/her last name was Faust.
LOL since when did ponies have arms?