In this story, Trixie finds herself sulking after she leaves Ponyville, and decides to find a teacher to show her the ways of magic. She wants to be able to call herself Great and Powerful without lying. Who does she find? Princess Luna. I haven't decided where to go with the story from there, but I anticipate creating a confrontation between Twilight and Trixie.
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A bit on the short side, but the story has a bit of potential I would say.
I don't have lots of experience of my own or anything, but as a reader I would mention that you portrayed Luna good enough, but trixie seems well... not trixie enough, the angst and remorse fit in the context, but keeping her manner of speaking atleast would make it easier to really link the character to the trixie persona...
If you don't mind me saying.
Cheers!
The only thing that needs to be fixed is the length, but still a good story could come out of it.
interesting story plot
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr6mm5dMCG1qafrh6.jpg
Oooh Luna with Trixie under her wing...I like where this is going.
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Oh, don't worry. This is not all of it in the slightest. There is a lot more to come, I just wanted to publish it to get an initial reaction so I could know how well it was going so far.
So Trixie is going to become great and powerful for real now?
Awesome!
I'm sorry, I just can't get over the short chapters...
But I like where this is going. It has a good storyline, from what you've described so far. Could you possibly give an explanation between Trixie and her parents? It seems a little muddy.
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I might try to just splice together shorter chapters then. My writing process involves finishing short thoughts, and I like publishing what I have to get feedback and make sure I'm not screwing up something before I go too far with it, but I suppose if the short chapters are generally disliked I can get past that.
In regards to her parents, that's something that will be explained later in the story. I have plans for that, don't you worry
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The splicing chapters together seems like a good idea. It just, one of the first things that turns me off of a story is seeing a chapter (or even worse, all of the chapters) being 1,000 words or less.
And ooh, I suppose I can wait.
the pacing is really fast as well the the dialogue does not feel natural for what anyone would say have someone roleplay with you it really helps writing better dialogue but still good job oh an add more detail